The High Times Of Wednesday One-Liners

Mother to friend: If our kids would just smoke weed they'd be fine.

–Borough Hall, Brooklyn

Five-year-old child, walking past table of glass bongs and pipes: Daddy, I want one!

–Astor Place

Promoter for comedy club: Free bag of weed if you come to the 9:30 show!

–Times Square

Enthusiastic, loud girl on cell: Smoking pot? So you were smoking…you don't have to be so worried about people hearing what you're saying, nobody's even listening…seriously.

–27th & 7th

Overheard by: And she had to end up being in my class..

30-something lady: When she was just selling pot to Kevin Nealon, I think that was better.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Brainy

Posted on September 8, 2014
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Family Ties, Free stuff!, Friends, Girls, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Smoking, Street, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

…to Buy Chocolate and Alcohol

Granddaughter: I spy… Grandma… You have to listen…I spy with my little eye, something that helps adults.
Mother: Chocolate.
Grandmother: Alcohol.
Granddaughter: No! Bank of America!
Mother: That helps adults?

–7th & Broadway

Headline by: Botticus

Runners-Up:
· “…In THIS Economy?!” – Pablo & Pablo
· “I Slept Wth a Teller Once” – Yoli
· “If by Help, You Mean Fuck and by Adults, You Mean Shareholders…Then, Well Played” – cmm
· “Sure, That’s the Third Person They Helped Off the Floor & Gave a Tissue Too” – tatts
· “Well, Maybe Not Where YOU Go, but I Get Mani-Pedis Everytime I Go There” – Anthony

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on September 7, 2014
Drinking & Drunk People, Families, Food, Headline Contest Winners, Kids, Moms, Money & Class, The Village, Weirdness

I've Been Clapping Since You Were Born

Mother: Fairies like getting back in the pram.
Kid: I'm not a fairy!
Mother: Yes you are.

–10th & 1st

Overheard by: ashleigh

Posted on September 7, 2014
Gender issues, Kids, Moms, Union Square and East Village

Too Bad It Was by Us

Girl, about smoking preggers passerby: That’s disgusting. How could any woman nowadays still smoke knowing that they’re pregnant?
Mother, taking drag from her own cigarette: Good thing you were adopted.

–23rd & Lex

Posted on September 6, 2014
Girls, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Smoking

Wednesday One-Liners Have a Mangina Attack

Man in elevator on cell: Yeah. That's what I'm paying for, right? Next time just make sure it's a male to female.

–Elevator, Chelsea

Staten Island man to son: Okay, you have to be careful here. And don't touch any of the pretty ladies: the prettier they are, the more likely it's a man.

–1st & Houston

Middle aged woman to friend: Every morning I wake up and think I look more and more like Mrs Doubtfire.

–Union Square

Overheard by: mk

Guy in pink spandex to Victorian Gardens employee: Excuse me, where do the trannies hang out?

–Central Park

Preppy chick to friends: Did I ever tell you guys about the tranny I slept with?

–19th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Well-Dressed Indian Boy

Mom, in motherly voice, to crying four-year-old: Aww, what's the matter, did the little transvestite scare you?

–2nd & 72nd

Overheard by: Nancy

Posted on September 3, 2014
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dads, Elevators, Fears, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Moms, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, Preppies, Questions, Trannies, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Women

Euro-Goths Make Formidable Parents

Employee to little girl with summer book list: Maybe this one? (shows her book)
Little girl: I've already read it in French.
Mother, in heavy French accent: Just pick one or I'm going to make you read The Graveyard Book!

–Barnes & Noble

Overheard by: I like Neil Gaiman…

Posted on September 1, 2014
Books & Writing, Clerks, Kids, Moms, Parents, Store, Threats

Why Little Kids Should Not Be Allowed to Watch Training Day

Six-year-old boy to two undercover NYPD officers: Hi, what's your name?
Six-year-old boy's mom: Hey, boy, what did I tell you about speaking to strangers?
NYPD undercover officer: It's okay, we're cops. (flashes badge)
Six-year-old boy: Aahhhhhhhhh! (runs into mother's arms)

–E Train

Overheard by: Rob G

Posted on August 31, 2014
Cops, Fears, Kids, Moms, Names, On the Subway, Parents, Questions

Before She Starts Stripping Again.

Five-year-old girl: My favorite part of the movie was the naked man!
Mother: Mine too, mama.
Five-year-old girl: Naked maaaaaaaan!
Father: Make her stop.

–Park Avenue & 25th St

Posted on August 30, 2014
Compare/Contrast, Dads, Film, Kids, Moms, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nudity, Should've Used a Condom

Wednesday One-Liners. (And by That We Mean Exactly What You Think We Mean.)

Hipster to friend having problems with ATM card: Maybe it's for normal people and you're just abnormally large.

–Village ATM

Overheard by: rafa

Overenthusiastic father of new skater: Oh, you know, it's her first time, so I wanted to make sure that I was there to help her through it so that it'd be extra-special for her.

–Wollman Rink, Central Park

Overweight woman: Where's Wang? Guys, where's Wang?

–Hard Rock Cafe

Tourist mom: It's not big enough to impress me.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Not The Empire State, Surely

Loud woman: It was a three-legged pussy!

–Union Square Subway Station

Overheard by: Rachel K

Modern literature professor, after ending class early: Well, that's it, I've blown my load.

–Columbia University