Where in the World Are Wednesday One-Liners?

College girl: So, I'm thinking of going to France and/or, like, Europe.

–Penn Station

Confused tourist with map: Where's Chicago? Oh, right…that's here in New York City, right?

–Times Square

Guy with map in Tribeca (pointing ahead to the south): Okay, so Central Park should be this way…

–Tribeca

Wide-eyed tourist: Oh my god, we're in Central Park! Can you believe it?

–Riverside Park

30-something zoo patron to zoo employee: I thought Madagascar was just the name of a character in that movie.

–Madagascar Exhibit, Bronx Zoo

Posted on September 24, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Global Geography, Guys, Idiots, Movies, NYC Geography, Penn Station, Sorority Girls, Stupidity, The Bronx, Times Square, Tourism, Tourist Attractions, Tourists, U.S. Geography, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Consumers of Popular Culture Are Also Its Victims

Hispanic guy: Oh, it's just a fag.
Hispanic chick: What?
Hispanic guy: I thought it was Jason Bourne.
Hispanic chick: You thought Jason Bourne was gonna come after us?
Hispanic guy: Yeah… Hey, look–it's another tattoo place! Tonight's the night!
Both together (singing): Tonight's the night!

–Stanton & Norfolk

Posted on September 23, 2008
Default, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Latinos, Lower East Side, Movies, Tattoos

Apparently, Someone Has

Blonde hot guy: I hate Mary Poppins.
Girlfriend: Yeah, me too.
Blonde hot guy: Those people dancing around with broomsticks–they weren't even witches. Yeah, fuck them.

–N Train

Overheard by: Leonidas

Posted on September 14, 2008
Boyfriends, Default, Disney, Girlfriends, Insults, Magic, Movies, On the Subway

Unfortunately, I Hollowed It Out to Fit My Flask

Guy #1: The new Harry Potter is coming out this summer; you should read the book with me before the movie is released.
Guy #2: If I wanted to read a book filled with stories of sorcery, I'd read the bible.
Guy #1: (mouth drops open)

–Artapasta, Soho

Posted on September 11, 2008
Advice, Books & Writing, Compare/Contrast, Default, Guys, Movies, Religion, Restaurants & Cafes, Soho

And I'm Sleeping With Your Dad!

Two high-school girls in a Super Stretch Hummer, screaming out the window with a smart-ass tone: Enjoy the movie!
Bitchy gay man in line to buy a ticket: Yeah, enjoy the fucking environment, bitch!

–Outside Sunshine Theater, E Houston St.

Overheard by: E.J.

Posted on September 11, 2008
Default, Girls, Insults, Lower East Side, Movie Theaters, Movies, Queer guys, Teens, Weirdness

Do They Have It in Braille?

Blonde #1: So, why don't we rent a movie? Like Grandma's Boy?
Blonde #2: But you've seen that movie like four times!
Blonde #1: I've seen the movie four times, but I've never really seen it, you know?

–Grand Central Station

Overheard by: Just waiting to use the bathroom

Posted on September 11, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Grand Central, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, Offers and requests, Stupidity, Weirdness, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Live in Upscale Packing Crates

Crazy hobo outside strip club: Good morning! (girl ignores him) I said "Good morning!" (girl keeps walking, not looking at him) Fine! I take it back!

–Broadway & 53rd St

Overheard by: JoBell

Bag lady to tourists: Hey, people! Welcome to New York City! Can you buy me a hot dog?

–Wall Street

Hobo: Hey! Can I borrow fifty million dollars for the weekend?!

–14th St

Hobo on train: Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention please! My name is Al, but you can caaaaaaaaalllllll me…homeless.

–L Train

Homeless guy: Hi everyone, my name is Eddie. Some people call me Homeless Ed, or Homeless for short. I know some of you hate homeless people. I didn't use to be homeless. I had a house, a job, and even a girlfriend. And my girlfriend had a girlfriend, so here I am.

–Uptown F Train

Lispy overweight hobo: Hey, sweetie! If I do some scenes from Days of Our Lives, will you help me out with two dollars?

–W 8th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Emily B.

Posted on September 10, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bag ladies, Bars & Clubs, Crazies, Fat People, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Hobos, Homeless, Junk Food & Fast Food, Money & Class, Movies, Music, Names, Nicknames & name calling, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Panhandling, Questions, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, West Village

Wednesday One-Liners Phone Home

20-something woman: Why do I have a phone number for "Shrek" in my phone?

–1 Train

Overheard by: Poogins

Older, bald man on phone: Mom! I told you, you don't have to call me everyday. Just call me once a month…to see if I'm alive!

–Times Square

40-something suit on cell: You know what would be fine, mom? If you just stopped calling. That'd be fine! Just fine! Of course I want to hear from you, but just stop calling. It's over. Over. Don't call no more.

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Oedipus

Crazy lady on cell (at the top of her lungs): Yo, douchebag! Where are my fucking children? I want to see my children. You owe my $10,000 in child support. And you know what? They're not even your kids! Ha! Oh, and my phone's dead.

–AirTrain

White girl on phone: Well, on the phone he doesn't even sound black. So just introduce him to your parents over the phone…

–28th & Broadway

Overheard by: Vanessa

Lunching lady: She's 718, acts like she's 212…but really, she's so 516!

–4 Train

Overheard by: JC

Posted on September 10, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Cell Phone, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Death, Girls, Insults, Kids, Men, Money & Class, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Parents, Park Slope, Questions, Race, Relationships, Suits, Times Square, Trains Not Subway, White People, Women

The Director's Cut Of Happy Feet, Perhaps?

Chinese DVD lady: You want DVD? Spiderman, Pirates? All good new movies, you want?
People at table: No, thanks.
Tranny at next table (loudly): Yo mama you got any pornos in there? Hmm, I want something with dick in it, big dicks. You got anything?

–37th Ave Subway, After Gay Parade

Overheard by: Empty Refrigerator

Posted on September 9, 2008
Chinese, Default, Gays and Lesbians, Manhattan, Movies, Offers and requests, Penis, Porn, Strangers, Trannies, Vendors & Street Performers, Wishes & desires, Women

But the Peg Leg Is Purely for Style

Drunk man to couple in booth: Hey, hey, are you two siblings or are you dating?
Woman: We're siblings.
Drunk man: Are you sure? Because sometimes when I'm with my sister I tell people we're dating.
Man: Yeah, we're sure.
Drunk man: Okay, well, I'm going to Central City. How long do you think it would take to get there?
Man: Pennsylvania?
Drunk man: Yeah.
Man: By train or walking?
Drunk man: I'm gonna walk, motherfucker!
Man: At least a couple of hours. I think you're going to need a few more drinks.
Drunk man: Yeah man! (to woman) You look like you could be in Pirates.
Woman: Yeah, I get that a lot.

–Tick Tock Diner, 34th St

Posted on September 4, 2008
Advice, Brothers, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Default, Drinks, Drunks, Family Ties, Men, Movies, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sisters, Time, Weirdness, Women

Movies