Wednesday One-Liners Powder Their Noses

Female suit in bathroom stall: Well, are you gonna have those files? (pauses, makes bathroom noises) Okay, well, I need it today. Listen…okay…(pauses, more bathroom noises) Great! (pauses, toilet flushes) No, it's okay, go ahead. (pauses) Okay, no, I'm really sorry–I'm just entering the subway, that's what all that noise was. (storms out of the bathroom, doesn't wash her hands)

–34th St & 9th St

Flustered 50-something suit: It's burning! It's burning!

–Penn Station Bathroom

Man in stall: There should be a law against what's coming out of me.

–25th St & Park Ave

Overheard by: I agree

Suit in bathroom on cell: Honey, I can't talk to you right now. (pause) I'm in the bathroom! (pause) I've got a fucking dick in my hand! (pause) What do you mean whose dick?

–Restroom, Grand Central

Six-year-old kid, finishing at urinal: Shake the weasel!

–Men's Room, Regal Battery Park City Cinemas

Overheard by: Russ Wall

Posted on August 13, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Battery Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crime and Punishment, Fire, Gays and Lesbians, Grand Central, Kids, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, One-liners, Pee, Penis, Penn Station, Poop, Sensory Experiences, Street, Suits, Train Station, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Heather Herself Has That Big Cock Addiction

Sorority girl #1: No, really, tanning is, like, my downfall.
Queer: Please, how often can you possibly tan?
Sorority girl #1: Constantly. I’m, like, a certified tanaholic. It’s a real problem. Hey! Heather! What would you say my biggest addiction is?
Sorority girl #2: Um, I dunno…coke?

Awkward silence ensues.

–27th & Madison

Posted on August 5, 2015
Beauty, Cocaine, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Queer guys, Sorority Girls

This Looks Nothing Like Fort Myers

Old lady in black and gold track suit: We're not lost, we're exploring.
Old lady in lavender track suit: I still think we're lost.

–Park Ave & 33rd St

Overheard by: Nikki

Posted on August 1, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Old People, Weirdness

Which Cost Them the Cold War

White girl #1: Do you dance hip hop?
White girl #2: I'm too white for that.
White girl #3: I can dance and I'm white.
White girl #2: But you're Russian? Russian people don't have any black people.

–32nd & 5th Ave

Posted on July 30, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Dancing, Default, Girls, Global Geography, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Music, Questions, Race, White People

Until My Message Is Heard

Assistant: Probably not, I don’t see them as Miracle Whip people.
Boss: How many times do you have to tell that story?

–23rd & 6th

Overheard by: Dave

Posted on July 30, 2015
9 to 5-ers, Bosses, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Food, Gripes, Manhattan, Murray Hill and Gramercy

Uh, I Meant the Mind-blowing Sex, But Okay

Teen guy rehearsing: I can’t concentrate on my scene right now.
Teen girl: Oh… I think I know why. Is it because of last night?
Teen guy: Yeah! I can’t believe Delishis won Flavor of Love — it’s been depressing me all day!

–Friends Seminary

Posted on July 26, 2015
Murray Hill and Gramercy, Teens, TV

Why John Bought a Laser Pointer

(attractive girls are sitting to the right)
Guy #1: Yo, look at 3 o'clock.
Guy #2: Nah, dude what are you taking about… It is 1:30.
Guy #1: I mean the 3 o'clock direction!
Guy #2: Oh!… Wait, the hour hand or the minute hand?

–Baruch College, 25th St

Overheard by: Richard Parker

Posted on July 25, 2015
Advice, College, Default, Guys, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Questions, Stupidity, Time, Words

It’s Not the Same Without Druidical Sacrifice

Guy #1: You know, you never would have even heard of Halloween if I hadn’t told you about it.
Guy #2: Whatever.

–9th Ave & 15th St

Overheard by: Don Willmott

Posted on July 19, 2015
Comebacks, Guys, Holidays, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Stupidity

Wednesday One-Liners and the People Who Love Them

Marketing girl: Would you like to try a new perfume? It's for you and your pet!

–Bryant Park, Outside Fashion Week Tents

Overheard by: jycho

Girl: I told my mom that I would probably be alone for the rest of my life. Yesterday she sent me an e-mail with a link to petfinder.com.

–Student Center, Barnard

Overheard by: Kristine

Man trying to sell comedy club tickets: Cheaper than an abortion! More entertaining than the crucifixion! More fun than euthanizing your pets!

–50th Ave & Broadway

Overheard by: Colleen

Queer on cell: Well, women are just pets for straight men.

–E 10th St

Woman on cell: So are you going to tell your daughter that you ate her pet?

–20th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Jesse S G

Posted on July 18, 2015
Abortion, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bryant Park, Columbia (& Barnard), Compare/Contrast, Gender issues, Girls, Internet, Jesus, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Parades & Festitivites, Parents, Parks, Queer guys, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Street, The Village, Vendors & Street Performers, We Love Our Pets, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

To a Number of Prior False Arrests

Thug #1: Oh, shit! It’s the po-po! Let’s get outta here, man! Come on, let’s go!
Thug #2: Yo, chill, we ain’t done nothing wrong!
Thug #1: Yeah, you’re right, dog… just a reaction.

–21st & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: SUSAN

Posted on July 18, 2015
Cops, Crime and Punishment, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Thugs

Murray Hill and Gramercy