Names

Wednesday One-Liners' Monogrammed Towels Say “W.O.L.”

Preppy teenage boy on cell: I use the word "ex" as a coping mechanism. She can have her name back once I'm healed.

–Grand Central

Transvestite on cell: I'm changing my name from Angela to Rachel. Angela sounds very Disney. I don't feel like Disney. I feel like a hard sound, like Rachel.

–Pelham Bay Park

Black guy: Shit be fucked up. Niggas got bitches' names. Bitches got niggas' names.

–26th & 8th

Overheard by: Withnail

Yuppie to another: You know, man, I think you say my name more than your wife's.

–62nd & 2nd

Overheard by: The Vonz

Upper East Side girl, seriously: You know what the first thing I look for in a gentleman caller is? His name.

–89th St & 3rd Ave

…Then I Match Them Up Based Upon the Probability That You'll Sleep with Me.

Student: How are you grading the papers?
Teacher: Well, at home I have these two hats. In one hat I put the names of all the students. In the other hat I put all of the possible grades…

–NYU

Vitamin Water Is Bullshit; You Heard It Here First

20-something woman #1: What kind of a name is “Osmosis Jones,” anyway?
20-something woman #2: Osmosis is a real thing actually. It's an ingredient in vitamin water.

–Kingsbridge & Jerome, The Bronx

Overheard by: not a scientist…

Especially if They Played Jazz Standards

Rocker chick: Is that a band name?
Rocker guy: What? ‘Moldy Anus’? No, but it would be a good name for one.

–Queens Blvd, Elmhurst

Overheard by: devotchka

I Found Unfunny Dickhole’s Doppelganger

Girl: Guys, I saw a doppelganger for Justin Case today!
Guy: Yeah me too, his name is Justin Time.

–Virgin, Union Square

First Action Item: Learn to Act Like a Man

Suit #1: I think we need to sit down with Yolanda, Minetta, Julie […] and tell them, “Look, what happened yesterday can’t happen again. We need to learn more about dispatch. It’s time we had this meeting.”
Suit #2: It’s too late for a meeting.
Suit #1: Right, no, that’s what I’m saying. We don’t need a meeting, we need action.

–N train

Backwards Heaven Has Another Name

Teen girl #1: Ooh, you know what I’m gonna name my first baby?
Teen girl #2: What?
Teen girl #1: Nuh-vey-uh.
Teen girl #2: What is that?
Teen girl #1: It’s Heaven backwards. It’s so good because nobody ever thought of that before.

–6 train

Overheard by: Alex C

“The Old Dom” Doesn’t Sound Quite So Hot

Southern man: What the hell is a steak free-tes?
Southern woman: Oh honey, it’s a chicken fried steak and they probably serve it with grits. This is where famous people come to eat like real human beings.
Southern man: Well hell, they should call it somethin’ more respectable than Pasties.

–Pastis, 9th & Little W. 12th

Overheard by: Jack B. Nimble

Ouch, That Irony Smarts.

Guido #1, in thick Staten Island accent: Yo, yo bro, I found this thing on Word, it makes you sound smarter.
Guido #2 in same accent: No way, bro! What is it?
Guido #1: I don't know, it's this thing, you click it and it gives you all these words that make you sound smarter.
Guido #2: What's it called?
Guido #1: Sin… Sinono… Sino-somethin, but I swear to god, bro; it makes you sound smarter.

–St John's University, Staten Island

Overheard by: Not from Staten Island

36 Chambers of Wednesday One-Liners

Homegirl on cell: You live in Staten Island, that’s too close to the wilderness, near the border. I am not emotionally ready to meet you in Staten Island.

–LIRR

Suit: He’s from Staten Island. That my Graceland.

–53rd & 6th

Overheard by: The Sock

Asian chick: What is that fruit called? Durian? That thing stinks so bad! It stinks like Staten Island bad!

–G Train

Overheard by: paco

Girl #1: In how many stops do we get off?
Girl #2: [Blank stare.]

–Staten Island Ferry

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, the next stop is South Ferry. From there, you can go to the wonderful Battery Park, go see the beautiful Statue of Liberty… Or go to Staten Island.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Smarlow

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist