Cop: Peace and love, you hear me? Peace and love. Peace and love. Fucking peace and love.
Tourist: I just want to know where track four is…
Cop: Peace and love! Now get the fuck out of my train station!
–Penn Station
Cop: Peace and love, you hear me? Peace and love. Peace and love. Fucking peace and love.
Tourist: I just want to know where track four is…
Cop: Peace and love! Now get the fuck out of my train station!
–Penn Station
Man on cell: So, my boss texted me and wanted to know about fleshlights…
–B train
Loud lady on cell: So you’re the one who sent me a text message saying, ‘A penis is the best breakfast because it has two eggs, a sausage, and milk’!
–Q25 bus
Chick on cell: You may have texted me about him, but because it was Halloween, I was too busy flogging dogs.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: McF.
Plagiarist: … And he sent me a text message saying, ‘I guess I have to do your homework now, L-O-L,’ and I’m like, ‘What’s the L-O-L for? You think this is a joke?!’
–Baruch Collge, Newman Vertical Campus
Overheard by: I Am McLovey
Girl on cell: They were texting you from downstairs? Oooh, that’s gay.
–Starbucks, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Jenya
Old lady to other: Oh… S & M… Do you like to be the dominant one?
–El Greco Diner, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Robert
Girl boarding elevator, to friend: So, it’s not good when you have to ask your boyfriend if he’s ever whipped himself… [Notices other people on elevator] Oops.
–Elevator, 34th & 1st
Chick to another: We all assume that one day you’ll be married with kids… Probably with a dungeon in the basement, but nonetheless.
–House party, 113th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: McFreaky
Leather goods hawker: I’ve got leather everything! Leather thongs, leather socks… I got a leather condom with a zipper up the side!
–Orchard, near Rivington
Overheard by: losaida
Man: That Chinese lady liked it when I whipped you.
–G train
Overheard by: Jordan
TA to another: I love that we’ve been e-mailing about a student’s paper under the subject line ‘Fetish Ball.’
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Small child, happily: … And that’s the kind of pain that never goes away!
–1 train
Overheard by: Emily Star
Girl to male coworker: Can you be a little more subtle and not such a dick-swinger about your Amstel Light?
–Conde Nast, 57th & 8th
Overheard by: Kenzi
Little boy to costumed Geoffrey: You want some fried chicken? Here, have some KFC.
–Times Square, Toys “R” Us
Overheard by: i’m just here for the lego ninjas
Woman: Excuse me, miss… Can I ask you a question?
Chick: Um, sure.
Woman: This might sound kind of strange, but I have a patient that looks just like you and… Have you ever considered donating your eggs?
–Brooklyn-bound L train
Psychic lady: Can I read your palms?
Man: Fuck no! Can I read yours?!
–Mulberry St
Overheard by: Joe
Crazy guy, unrolling huge chart: Look up, people! If you had looked up back there in the station, you would have seen paint and debris falling off the ceiling onto your heads! The city and the MTA don’t want you to know the reason why it’s falling off, but if you’ll look at this chart, you can see that I’ve carefully mapped out — every time the city repairs a street, directly below it the subway ceilings are falling down! See? They worked on 86th and Lex last week, and the ceiling is already falling down! [Continues ranting.]UES lady to hubby: Next time you book this train, get us a seat in the non-delusional car.
–6 train, between 86th & 72nd
Overheard by: Volunteer Witness
Guy #1: Can someone push eight? I guess I forgot. [Disembarks at eighth floor.]Guy #2: Something about the way he said that made me want to hit him.
–NYU dorm elevator
Fat guy, caught illegally parked to buy and gobble a hot dog: It’s a New York Tradition.
Cop: Move your car, or that’s going to be a hundred and fifty dollar hot dog.
–Grey’s Papaya, 8th Ave
