Wednesday One-liners Like Cans of Beans

Hobo: Well, mathematically speaking, I’m fucked.

–2nd Avenue station

Overheard by: Maddog

Hobo: I don’t steal. I don’t snatch purses. I don’t bother women. But don’t get me wrong, I’m not a homosexual. But I do bathe. And I do sleep on the subway ’cause I am a bum.

–4 train

Overheard by: Jen McC.

Hobo: Anybody want to take the day off and cuddle with me? It’s kosher!

–52nd & 5th

Overheard by: Jess

Hobo: I’m just tryin’ to get some pussy here and all y’all gotta come up in here and bother me. Damn.

–PATH train

Overheard by: Everett Moran

Hobo: I’ve been shitting plastic lately.

–Q60 bus

Overheard by: Ben

Hobo: Please help me…Please help me…I need money to buy popcorn…Please help me…I need a hot meal…I need money to buy popcorn.

–53rd & Park

Hobo: Uh oh, uh oh! You make a big doo-doo! It’s okay. I make big doo-doos too.

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Melissa Cole

Hobo: Spare a little change, girls? That’s all right, God bless you…even the Chinese girl.

–Bank & Bleecker

Hobo: The tax man has a licence to kill. No questions asked. More people should know that.

–5th Avenue-53rd Street station

Overheard by: Tzvi Tampa

Hobo: If you see a suspicious black package on this train do not pick it up. If you see a large, black package on my seat after I leave, do not worry. It is not a bomb. I’ve been riding this train for fifteen years. Leave it for the Coney island clean-up crew. They’ll take care of it. It is not a weapon, it is not filled with hundred dollar bills, just don’t touch it…Did you know that Union Square is a hundred years older than Times Square?

–N train

Overheard by: Zelda

Hobo: Ladies and gentlemen, sorry for the interruption. I am trying to raise one million dollars and 25 cents for wine research.

–4 train

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer

Hobo: All you people who just got on the train, everybody in this car already gave me $7. Everybody gave me $7 but you.

–6 train

Girl: So I saw this homeless guy walking down the street with, like, all the bags and stuff, and he had something bewtween his teeth!

–6 train

Hobo: Hey man, help an ugly dude out, will ya?

–33rd & 8th

Overheard by: Brian Graham

Hobo: What’s the holdup? Let’s get this train moving! There’s people gots to go to work, gots to go to school! There’s pregnant people! Court musicians!

–R train

Hobo: Yeah, a couple of Jewish lawyers out to fuck the world…Shee-it.

–42nd & Lexington

Overheard by: Ronald A. Veenker

Posted on February 22, 2006
Anger Management, Hobos, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Poop, Sex, Sex & Relationships, The Village, Trains Not Subway

“Haven’t you heard of reverse?”

Crazy guy: Slow down!
Bus driver: I’m stopped at a light; I can’t get much slower.

–Q60 bus

Overheard by: Ben

Posted on February 9, 2006
Bus Drivers, Crazies, On the Bus, Weirdness

Wednesday One-liners Are Killer

Old lady: Where’s the yellow incense for the dead people?

–Titan Foods, LIC

Overheard by: Evan C. Kirchmer

Posted on February 8, 2006
Death, Hipsters, Hobos, Manhattan, Old People, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, People, Staten Island Ferry, Teens

Wednesday One-liners Press the Fontanelle

Guy: …and they’d been trying to get pregnant for a while. Like two years. And I just, I thought she had so much anxiety and that wasn’t the right atmosphere to conceive. And so, I wrote them a song called “There’s a Baby on the Way” and a few months later the whole family was together and they announced they were pregnant. And I told them that I’d written a song “There’s a Baby on the Way” and that I’d written it June 10th. And she’s like, “That‘s the day we found out.” And my other friends in LA, they’d been trying and I played them the song and sure enough…

–Eat Gourmet Foods, Madison Avenue

Posted on February 8, 2006
Manhattan, On the Bus, One-liners, People, Pregnancy & Birth Control

“Well, I’m 8, baby.”

HS girl: I didn’t want to listen to my dad explain sex to my mom.
HS boy: Why would your dad explain sex to your mom?
HS girl: Because my brother asked what the song, “Come my lady, come, come my lady” meant. And mom didn’t know.
HS boy: What does that song have to do with sex?
HS girl: You don’t know? You’re the only person in the world who doesn’t know.
HS boy: Your brother didn’t know.
HS girl: My brother is 7.

–M104 bus

Overheard by: Susan Elliott

Posted on January 27, 2006
Getting Off, Music, On the Bus, Teens

“I only kneel for Christ.”

Girl: Do you smell that? Smells like straight up pussy in this bitch.
Guy: I wouldn’t know.
Girl: What do you mean you wouldn’t know? It’s pussy.
Guy: I wouldn’t know. I’m gay.
Girl: Damn, son. So what does dick smell like?
Guy: Wouldn’t you know? I mean when you get on your knees?

–M14D bus

Overheard by: Janelle Someone