A Lot of Buddhists Like That Film for Some Reason

Man in Jews for Jesus t-shirt sits while well-dressed young man across from him unbuttons shirt, takes out black marker, and writes ‘Buddhist 4 Mohammed’ on his undershirt, standing and aggressively staring down Jew for Jesus.

Buddhist guy: Give me zee money, Lebowski! I fucks you up! We want zee money, Lebowski! Give us zee money or we fucks you up! [Steps to the left, and in a different German accent] Ya, give us zee money, Lebowski. My girlfriend cut off her toe ’cause she thought we would get zee money. Iss not fair.
Jew for Jesus: [Silent, calm.]Buddhist guy calmly sits back down and buttons his shirt, turning to small Hispanic boy next to him: And that’s where babies come from.

–6 train

Posted on March 14, 2015
Anger Management, Crazies, On the Subway

Wait, Business or Pleasure?

20-ish guy: Hi, I’m Pete.
Teen chick: Hi, I’m Karen.
20-ish guy: I’m normally really shy, but being as how I am on this train, and you are on this train, I figured I’d introduce myself. Do you have a boyfriend?
Teen chick: No.
20-ish guy: Great! I don’t have a girlfriend, either — we just broke up. Where are you heading?
Teen chick: Court.
20-ish guy: That’s great! I just came from court myself!

–A train

Overheard by: Kris, who got off at W4th

Posted on March 14, 2015
Creepsters, On the Subway, Pick-up Lines

The long version of “I was drunk”

Spunky gay boy: It’s not like I go into the bathroom to nap… But when you’re pooping it’s just, you know, relaxing, and when I start to read on the pot I’m like Pavlov’s dog and I get sleepy!
Skeptical fag hag: That’s no excuse for falling asleep naked on my toilet bowl.
Spunky gay boy: Right.

–C train, Hoyt-Schermerhorn St

Headline by: Gold StaR

Runners-Up:
· “But Thanks For The Highest Rated Youtube Hidden Cam Video.” – Veronica
· “I’m Surprised You Can Do It Away from the Home…I Thought Your People Were Like Cats.” – ImmaculatePizza
· “Pavlov’s Log” – Brian G
· “Ring, Ring. Plop, Plop” – Chris
· “The Roofies I Gave You, Now THAT’s an Excuse.” – Duncan Pflaster
· “Then Whats Your Excuse for Doing It on Mine?” – Lezbotron

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on March 12, 2015
Fag Hags, Headline Contest Winners, On the Subway, Poop, Queer guys

Like Most Metabolic Byproducts

Girl: This can’t be good. It says ‘Phenylketonurics: Contains phenylalanine.’
Guy #1: Isn’t that a vegetable?
Guy #2: No, it’s okay. It’s Italian.

–3 train

Overheard by: Jessica

Posted on March 12, 2015
Idiots, On the Subway, Words

Wednesday One-Liners: The Final Frontier

Crazy man dressed like a King: Everyone, I just bought the sun! So if you don't mind, I'd like a hundred dollars an hour if you're using my sunlight.

–Sheep Meadow, Central Park

MTA track worker to another: Why does everybody wanna die tonight, Eric? Is there a full moon or something?

–49th St Station

Overheard by: Jon A.

Man talking to himself on imaginary cellphone: There will never be peace until the planet explodes. Then there will be peace. (pause) Yes, I took my medication today.

–R Train

Overheard by: Matt Giella

Guy in line for a play: I don't take my sunglasses off because the sun never sets on a badass

–41st & 7th

Overheard by: clara

Teen thug to another: He said he likes sunsets. Who says he likes sunsets?

–Macon & Marcy, Brooklyn

Overheard by: g

Co-ed: And Galileo's like, "Saturn has rings!" And Kepler's like, "Oh my god, really?" And Galileo's like, "Ya, really!"

–1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on March 11, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Central Park, Coworkers, Crazies, Crazy, Death, Girls, Guys, History & Geography, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Questions, Science, Teens, Thugs, Weirdness, Words

Judaism Often Happens Without Warning in New York

Concerned woman: I just worry that the Messiah will come and I won't be Jewish yet.
Friend: Mmm…
Concerned woman: I mean, I just really hope I'm Jewish by next Yom Kippur.
Friend: Yeah.

–F Train

Overheard by: dee

Posted on March 11, 2015
Friends, Judaism, On the Subway, Time, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Even Too Old to Star in the Remake of Logan’s Run

Girl #1: Who is Tom Cruise anyway?
Girl #2: Just some old guy.

–Uptown 1 train

Overheard by: Adrienne Brand

Posted on March 11, 2015
About Celebrities, Bimbettes, Old People, On the Subway

Mostly Because They Won't Be Watching It

Drunk muscular hipster, after walking into a glass door (shouting): Yeah, you can laugh at me now, but you won't be laughing when I take my story to Fox News, jerk-wads!

–L Train

Overheard by: Tom in Bushwick

Posted on March 10, 2015
Accidents, Drunks, Hipsters, Laughter, News, On the Subway, TV

Why the MTA Has Principals’ Offices

Man #1: Hey, hey! Who do you think you are?
Woman #1: Excuse me?
Man #1: You! Get that bag off the seat!
Woman #2: Leave her alone.
Man #1: Shut up! She has her fucking bag on the seat! Nobody’s better than anyone else. We’re all people. She shouldn’t take up two fucking seats!
Man #2: Nobody wants to sit next to you, so you’re taking up two seats, too.

–A train

Posted on March 10, 2015
Gripes, On the Subway, Strangers

Why Do I Have Custody of You Again?

Father: How was school today?
Little girl: Didn’t have school today, it was Saturday.
Father: Oh. What about tomorrow?
Little girl: No, that’s Sunday.
Father: Oh.
Little girl: Are we taking a taxi?
Father: No.
Little girl: Good.

–Queens bound F train

Overheard by: djingo

Posted on March 9, 2015
Dads, Family Ties, Glad the Condom Broke, Kids, On the Subway, Parents

On the Subway