Mother to small child in stall (loudly): No, it won't flush. (shouting) It won't flush! It's not like at home. It won't flush unless you touch it. (shouting) It won't flush! Stop! It's not going to flush unless you touch it. (shouting) It won't flush! Don't make me make you go in your pants! It won't flush! They're not the same.
–Women's Bathroom, JFK
Hobo #1: What the fuck are you doing?
Hobo #2: Taking a piss.
Hobo #1: Oh!
Hobo #2: Since when is pissing on a tree illegal? This is a free country, motherfucker.
Hobo #1: I know.
–Central Park
Old lady, walking over to every table: Excuse me, but do any of you need to use the bathroom, because I need to do both and it takes me a while.
–Dunkin’ Donuts, Flatbush & Ave L, Brooklyn
Overheard by: RCP
Metalhead, playing guitar and singing: Buy some fuckin' poptarts /buy some fuckin' weed/ buy some fuckin' cigarettes/buy everything you need!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: j
Singing hobo pushing cart: I am wiiiise. I am wise!
–Union Square Station
Overly flamboyant gay guy, singing: I kissed a girl and I liked iiiit. (swishes hips while walking)
–11th St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Mal Sullivan
Singing gay guy to another, clapping hands in rhythm: You look like a cunt, you act like a cunt, you smell like a cunt, you feel like a cunt…
–2 Train
Overheard by: drew
Hobo, getting into train and taking out electric guitar and amp: Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please! This song is for the white lady with the orange pocketbook. She reminds me of Martha Stewart…when she got out of jail. (starts singing) 3 train white lady is my girl, my girl, my girl!
–Downtown 3 Train
Overheard by: Jingles
Little girl in stroller, singing happily: Doe, a deer, a hee-hale deer. Ray, a drop of golden pee-pee…
–E Train
UPS employee: Ma'am, you're going to have to calm down.
Angry customer: Lady, you're lucky I ain't got a hot cup of piss on me right now, 'coz you would be wearing it.
–Post Office, Lower East Side
Overheard by: Amused yet disturbed
Hipster teen: Are you pissing on that building?
Rich teen with faux fur coat: Welcome to the recession, buddy!
–42nd St
Overheard by: I want a m6
Queer: I don't want someone to fuck me with their stoma!
–11th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Amanda
Gay guy: That girl is such a Rice Krispie.
–Outside Gristedes, Christopher St
Overheard by: McF
Queer on cell: And I said to him, "Take it like the bottom you are!"
–8th St & 23rd St
Gay guy: I just got pounded by the two hottest guys I've ever seen!
–58th & 9th
Gay man (getting his hair cut by another): So we went to Fire Island this weekend and we went to this party. I said, "Patrick, you better pee on Jon right now to mark your territory."
–57th & 7th
Gay man on cell: Oh, morals disappear after 8pm!
–Amsterdam & 83rd
Mother: Okay, now when we get to the movie theater, your mother needs to go to the bathroom… No groaning!
Little boy, groaning: You have to pee, like, eight times a day! And on the airplane, you get up, like, 10 times!
Mother: Well, I drink a lot of water.
Little boy: And wine.
Mother: Well…
–M104 bus
Gay Guy #1: How’d you like that trough?
Gay Guy #2: What trough?
Gay Guy #1: The trough you pissed in.
Gay Guy #2: Oh, I loved it!
–Slide, East Village
Overheard by: Megan Buckley
