Bimbette: Yeah, I never really heard from him since his funeral.
Friend: Did you say his funeral?
Bimbette: Yeah, it was sooo sad.
Friend: His funeral?
Bimbette: Sheesh, bitch, get a hearing aid!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Joel Moore
Bimbette: Yeah, I never really heard from him since his funeral.
Friend: Did you say his funeral?
Bimbette: Yeah, it was sooo sad.
Friend: His funeral?
Bimbette: Sheesh, bitch, get a hearing aid!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Joel Moore
Four-year old to his father, dreamily: Let's go on the u train! The beautiful u train!
–D Line
Overheard by: Caitlin
Ditzy girl to friend: I hope there's an exit at this station.
–96th St Station
Amiable suit, answering cell: Hi, hon. (pause) Well, I can't talk long–I have to drive this train.
–Amtrak, Penn Station
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Little boy: Is this train going to move, or what?
–Transit Museum
Overheard by: Rita
MTA worker in booth, over intercom: Hello everyone. The cost to ride the subway is $2. Only $2. The woman in that blue leather jacket and red hat thinks it's free. If you are standing next to a woman in a blue leather jacket and a red hat, tell her she needs to pay her toll like everyone else.
–6 Train Station
Preppy girl to friend: Do you ever shower and shower and still not feel clean?
–Broadway b/w 112th & 113th
Overheard by: Ladle
Young thug to two women: Yo, you make me wanna take a shower.
–Penn Station
Large bald guy with shopping bag with laundry detergent in it: I got this bag at Foot Locker. Know what I am going to do with it? I am going to put laundry detergent in it. Isn't that a good idea?
–1 Train
Overheard by: Nathan
20-something guy to another: Dude, there's no way I'm tossing a salad unless I know–with absolute fucking certainty–its been freshly washed.
–Washington Square
Young woman on cell: And then he physically got in the shower with me…again!
–Spring St & Crosby St
Young man in line for ticket machine to old man walking away with no ticket: Is the machine broken?
Old man (seriously): No, I was just reading the screen.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Hilariter
Frat boy #1: I was so trashed last night.
Frat boy #2: Have you always used the phrase “soft 3, hard 8”?
Frat boy #1: Nah, I kinda made that up last night.
Frat boy #2: You're not embarrassed?
Frat boy #1: Nah, hard 8.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Steve
Headline by: katcob
Runners-Up:
· “Drunk or Sober, You Can’t Fool Me About Pencil Lead” – Bill A
· “I Am Willing to Let the World Know How I Like My Eggs” – JohnnyB
· “It’s a Grower!” – Cass
· “Just Remember to Call “No Homo” Next Time, Okay?” – version
· “Really? Only 8 and You’re Not Embarrassed?” – Keith
· “What’s *Your* Sleep-It-Off Number?” – Coyoty
Suit on cell: I've already had a blow job tonight so I don't really care what happens.
–7th St & Ave A
Overheard by: Karmenlara Seidman
Lady suit to other: What about 1994? I haven't sucked cock or watched ice hockey since 1994!
–Lion's Head, 109th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: A great man
Toothless thug: And now she wants an award for sucking my dick.
–7th Ave & 16th St
Overheard by: mattamore
Guy on cell: Look, I'm about to get on the train and lose signal so I'll sum up my argument: until I can pull out my dick and get a blowjob from any woman I want, my grudge against feminists stands. No, I don't care if it doesn't make sense. Fuck you, I'm getting on the train!
–Penn Station
Old woman to husband: Now isn't she the girl who gave him head in the Port Authority bathroom?
–Bench, Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Horrified
Girl to two hipster friends with yoga mats: Oh my god, he had to stop me while I was sucking on his dick just to tell me he likes me. Like why? Ew, why would he bother?
–Avenue B & 13th
Hobo: Hey! Is them cookies good? Is they good?
Commuter, holding bag of cookies: I'll give you a cookie.
Hobo: Thanks, man. What kind of cookies is these?
Commuter: Coconut.
Hobo: Thanks. Hey, can you do me a favor?
Commuter: I gave you a cookie.
Hobo: Yeah…you got me.
–Penn Station
Girl: How much for a pig in a blanket?
Thug #1: A what now?
Girl: A pig in a blanket. See, there. (points to pretzel dogs)
Thug #1: Oh, a hot dog!
Thug #2: A hot dog?
Thug #1: A hot dog! Like, I thought she meant a pig wrapped up in a blanket.
–Pretzel stand, Penn Station
Headline by: E-Man>Master of the UNIVERSE!
Runners-Up:
· “And I Still Don’t Get Why People Ask for Rocks in Their Drinks at the Bar!” – time in a cube
· “Because a Hot Dog Is a Much More Logical Name for Them” – shah
· “Do You Mean MY Pig in YOUR Blanket?” – Joe
· “In Their Defense, There Was a Cop Wearing Layers Right Next to the Hot Dog Stand” – Andrew
· “Like My Penis” – Vivi
· “No, No, Those Are the HOBO Dogs” – Sodajerk
· “Those’re Five Bucks, but You Gotta Know a Guy in Chinatown” – Seth
· “When She Asked for a Bloody Mary He Fainted” – Brik
· “Yo, I Just Be Keepin It Literal” – jason
Smoking girl: I dreamed I was a mermaid. Then I woke up, and I was a mermaid.
Girl's friend: But you can't swim!
–H&M, Penn Station
Guy to friend: Hey, did you notice that after every time you got on this (points to self) you end up with a boyfriend?
Girl: What? Oh man, you're right! It's like you have a magic pee-pee!
Guy: Yeah.
–Penn Station
