Hag: I see her point, I think that’s why I don’t have a boyfriend either. I’m just too high maintenence.
Queer: Ha! Girl, you are not high maintenance, you are just plain old needy.
–17th & 5th
Overheard by: Thirsty Violet
Woman: You are not needy, you are so worth it!
–Elephant and Castle, Greenwich Avenue
Overheard by: wecantdraw
Conductor: May I see your ticket, please?
Drunk tranny: I already showed my ticket.
Conductor: Yes, but you haven’t showed it to me.
Drunk tranny: What the fuck? I already showed my damn ticket.
Conductor: OK, calm down. Just show me your ticket, please… I’ll come back for it to give you a minute to find it.
Drunk tranny: You are probably a leather queen. I pay $16,000 for a cunt and this is the disrespect I get. I am fucking changing cars.
–Long Beach bound LIRR
Girl on cell: We got Chinese cable because it was cheaper than the cheap cable…Yeah, it’s all in Chinese…Whatever. As long as I watch things that I’ve already seen, I don’t need to actually know what they’re saying.
–N train, Astoria
Queer, on cell: Have you seen Victoria’s boyfriend lately? He looks great. She’s better than Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.
–Eckerd, Astoria
Mother, to kids: Sorry we just missed the fireworks, guys. It’s okay, though. I TiVoed it at home just in case.
–79th St entrance, FDR
Tourist, after eagerly struggling for camera air-time: You know what, Ma, I don’t think we’re gonna be able to watch this — it only airs today.
–Taping of the Today Show, Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: Stephen and Allison
Girl: Well, today they had a woman who was born a man who married a man who was born a woman, so don’t shit on Maury Povich!
–New York Public Library
Overheard by: Actually READING at the Library
Guy: Sweet Sixteen? That show makes me understand terrorism.
–114th & Broadway
Guy, to girl: Smart girls are never pretty. That’s why you’re a dumbass.
–Union Turnpike station platform
Overheard by: Erna
Hobo: Ain’t no good here, only cheap. Cheap, cheap, and very cheap. And very beautiful.
–L train, Bedford Ave station
Chick: Where are we going?
Guy: The Junction.
Chick: Why are we going to the Junction?
Guy: Because you’re a loser. Because you question me.
–D Train
Hobo: Spare some change?…Why are you so selfish?
Man: Why are you so poor?
–West 4th Street & 6th Avenue
Overheard by: David B.
Girl: Well, I don’t know…She doesn’t look very much like a butterfly.
Guy: What, would you rather have her wear a t-shirt with a giant butterfly on it?
–Lincoln Center
Hobo: Can you spare any change?
Man: Sorry, no.
Hobo: Who the hell you saying no to? I wasn’t asking you anyway, asshole!
–106th & Broadway
Overheard by: Leonor M.
Chick #1: I am so pathetic.
Chick #2: You are not pathetic! If you and I lived together and did nothing but eat chocolate, guacamole and chips and ice cream and play Nintendo, and we ended up weighing 500 pounds each, but having weirdly toned hands and forearms from the Nintendo playing, that would be pathetic.
–111th & Broadway
Overheard by: djlindee
Fat lady: Do you understand English?
Guy: I do and you sound like an asshole.
–7 train
