Physical appearance

Wednesday One-Liners Break the Curve

Asian girl to friend: You know her! She’s the Asian girl — you know, the one with the eyes!

–Empire State Building

Overheard by: Chuckles

Little boy about Japanese man: Mom, how come that man is closing his eyes all the time?!

–Liberty St

Overheard by: galgal

Emo Asian boy: You can recover from drug or alcohol addictions, but there is no cure for Asianism.

–Weinstein Dining Hall, NYU

Drunk Asian man: Did you see that mosaic? It’s all wrong. The Asians were all one shade of yellow. What kind of art work is that? Look at me and my people — we’re multiple shades!

–R train

20-something woman: Being an Asian and being a tranny aren’t the same thing.

–Dallas BBQ, Chelsea

Overheard by: Ladle

And Her Apparent Clitoral Hypertrophy

Girl: My new roommate gets freaked out by my composting. She’s like, why are there egg shells and coffee grounds in this bin?
Boy: She has other things to be more freaked out about, like her mustache.

–B54 Bus

…That Drive Pink Convertables and Have the Genitalia of a Eunuch!

20-something girl: I don't believe in foundation makeup.
50-something woman: Really?
20-something girl: I used to wear it a long time ago, when I was younger, but it makes you look so fake, like a doll…which is stupid because we're people!

–Madison Square Park

Headline by: Skipper

Runners-Up:
· “…And That’s When I Dropped Out Of Clown School.” – Danny the Mullins
· “Barbie’s Infiltration Plan Is Working” – Natalie
· “Besides, The Tips at the Carnival Were Totally Not Cutting It” – Dave
· “Britney Tries Her Hand at Philosophy” – Fresca P.
· “Excerpts from the Human Tissue-Silicone Ratio Debate” – ty
· “I Also Refuse Parachutes; I Ain’t No Bird!” – Jeff
· “Max Factor Is…People!” – Chris

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

What Self-Respecting New Yorker Can’t Distinguish Between a Pothead and a Crackhead?

White trash girl, looking out of bus window: Look at Ed*. He looks like a fucking lumberjack. He needs a shave.
White trash guy: That Ed* -he’s a fucking crackhead.
White trash girl: I thought he smoked pot?
White trash guy: Crack, pot -what’s the difference?
Hipster guy sitting behind them: Excuse me, I’m Ed*’s best friend. He’s definitely a pothead. He never does crack. But he does look like a lumberjack.

–Q54 Bus

I Don't Care If She Has a Name. Now Make Me a Square Burger, Bitch

Dopey guy: She looks like that chick on the Wendy's commercials.
Less dopey guy: Um…you mean…Wendy?

–Drop Off Service, 13th & Ave A

Headline by: aileen

Runners-Up:
· “…AKA Pippi Longstocking’s Doppelgänger” – Deanna
· “No, Carrot Top” – johnnyb
· “She Has a NAME?!?!” – sizzle
· “Until Pippi Longstocking Wins Her Lawsuit, Yes” – Cat

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Am I Adopted?

Mom: I'm not made of money, you know!
Kid: You look like you are.
Mom: Well, I'm not.

–Strand Bookstore

Overheard by: she didn't look like she was…

It Gives Me Worry Lines.

Teen boy, about someone in costume as zombie soldier: Aw, I shoulda had a military uniform!
Teen girl: Ugh, that's social commentary. I don't do that.

–47th & 8th, Zombie Crawl

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Maybe I'll Just Get a Dick

20-something girl #1: I need to go on a diet.
20-something girl #2: Why? You look fine.
20-something girl #1: Because that tranny over there has a dick and looks better in a dress than I do.

–Manhattan Ave & 110th St

This Could Be an Entire Episode Of Keeping Up with the Kardashians

Man selling candy #1 to very pretty but overweight girl: Hey miss, you wanna buy a candy bar?
Pretty but overweight girl: Do I look like I need any more candy?!
Man selling candy #2: You look good to me!

–Outside JC Penny

Wednesday One-Liners Only a Mother Could Love

Woman to another: I mean, about the thing… he is ugly but at least he get it up!

–Abingdon Square Park

Man to friend: Ugly people aren't people!

–10th St & 5th Ave

Suit: Yeah, I couldn't deal with the paparazzi. I once saw a picture of Katie Holmes with a pimple, and now I think she's the ugliest person I ever saw.

–Governors Island

Overheard by: Natalie

Girl to guy friend: I cannot believe you volunteered me like that! I'm going to start volunteering you to people… unattractive people. Like Leroy*.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Michael O'Connor

Bus driver on packed bus: Okay, everybody, we need to reorganize the bus. Can all the good-looking people move to the back of the bus, and all the ugly-looking people move to the front? Thank you.

–M86 Bus

Overheard by: Michael

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