Wednesday One-Liners Have at Least One Marketable Skill

Pragmatist: I figure if I don’t get a job in publishing, I’ll become a video vixen.

–Dunkin’ Donuts, Ditmars Blvd, Astoria

Overheard by: Christine

Skank: No way! I am not one of those girls. I am not a video girl…I am a dancer!

–34th & 8th

Overheard by: Skye

Ditz: Supposably [sic], she’s going to be dancing in some Beyonce video. She’s so stupid.

–54th St between 9th & 10th

Media scholar: Well it’s different when the girl getting fucked in the video is the same age as you. I mean, that’s great when you’re 15.

–20th & 8th

Posted on December 2, 2012
A-List, About Celebrities, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Celebrities, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dancing, Jobs & Careers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, People, Places, Pop Culture, Queens, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, TV

He Was Never ‘Just Saying,’ and He Never Called ‘No Homo’

Youth #1: Man, I’m just jokin’.
Youth #2: Yeah, but every joke has some truth in it.
Youth #1: Where’d you hear that? Who said it?
Youth #2: I don’t know… Confucius.
Youth #1: Confucius didn’t say that! Confucius didn’t make jokes! He was a serious dude!

–Queens-bound F train

Overheard by: jb

Posted on March 18, 2007
On the Subway, Places, Religion, Rumor Has It, Topics

Tough Talk for a Kid from the Bronx

Teacher: What country do we live in?
Very enthusiastic little boy: The United States of New York!
Teacher, a few minutes later: Can someone name a state outside of New York?
Very enthusiastic little boy: Brooklyn!

–First grade classroom, the Bronx

Posted on March 18, 2007
Always Bringing it Back to You!, Brooklyn, Classroom, Elementary & Middle School, History & Geography, Kids, NYC Geography, Only in New York, People, Places, School, Teachers/Professors, The Bronx, Topics, U.S. Geography, Venues

Wednesday One-Liners Need a Homing Device

Late-20s woman: Up until six months ago, I thought Europe was a country. I just didn’t know…

–6 train

Overheard by: 21 and knows better

Social butterfly: Williamsburg? Where is that? Pennsylvania?

–Broadway & Bond

Overheard by: the bfd

Dude: What? You’re not from Illinois, you’re from Chicago!

–Cheesecake Factory

Female tourist: Where’s Chicago, again? Oh, that’s here in New York, right?

–Outside Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: Genissimo

Astonished woman: Los Angeles is not a state!

–Outside Javits Center

Overheard by: Tara

Asian tourist chick: Is this considered the West coast?

–Max Brenner, Union Square

Posted on February 21, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Brooklyn, Education, Global Geography, History & Geography, Idiots, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Not New York, NYC Geography, On the Subway, People, Places, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, The Bronx, Topics, Tourists, U.S. Geography, Union Square and East Village, Venues, Williamsburg, Yankee Stadium

What’s the Bad News?

Tall blonde: Didn’t you say you were getting an ice cream cake? I’m so confused.
Short blonde: There was no time for both, so that’ll have to be another break a little later.
Tall blonde: Ah, okay. I just was worried about it sitting in Accounting, so I went to get it and they had no idea what I was talking about.
Short blonde: Oh, no, no. Plus, I couldn’t carry all three. The good news — Mylar won’t melt.

–25th & Broadway

Overheard by: prciosasoy

Posted on February 11, 2007
Bimbettes, Coworkers, Food, Manhattan, Office, People, Places, Topics, Union Square and East Village, Venues

Wednesday One-Liners Always Have a Date

Man on cell: I had never used a dildo before, you know? It’s just never come up, I guess. So I think, ‘Okay, I’m not that young anymore — I’ll take what I can get…’ and it was going fine, but then I didn’t know you’re not supposed to shove it in that fast…

–14th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Peter L

Dude on cell: Why would I get the pink one? It’s not a dildo, it’s a back massager from Duane Reade.

–Christopher & 7th

Girl: I’ve got my Reisens and my vibrator, and I’m all set!

–Duane Reade, Montague & Court, Brooklyn

Young woman turning to male friend: So, bud, conquered any good buttplugs lately?

–6 train

Girl whispering: I think that girl in line behind me just read this text about rubber pussy cups!

–Victoria’s Secret dressing room

20-something guy to pals at brunch: I’m tired of being the guy with all the good sex toys!

–56th & 9th

Posted on January 31, 2007
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Backdoor, Brooklyn, Colors, Dildos and Vibrators, Duane Reade, Food, Gays and Lesbians, Health and Hygiene, Junk Food & Fast Food, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, People, Places, Private Parts, Queer guys, Queers, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Shopping, Store, The Village, Topics, Union Square and East Village, Venues

Wednesday One-Liners Have Their Own Kneepads

Grey-haired middle-aged man on cell: 40 grand for a suck. No… 40 grand, and I’ll suck your dick.

–Fashion District

Man on cell: What about the licking? Did you practice licking? I can’t teach you anything if you don’t practice. You have to practice the licking if you want to do it right.

–78th St & 37th Ave

Overheard by: Jillian

Homeless woman: Everyone on this train eats pussy! Guys, girls, all ya’ll!

–2 train

Overheard by: Macaire

Ghetto dude: Do you see that building? Do you see that building? That’s NYU. It took me 26 years to get my degree there. And what am I doing? Still sucking white dick.

–Bleecker & Mercer

Overheard by: Jay

Guy on cell: Yeah, man, this chick just gave me a blowjob. She was like, ‘Are you on Restless?’ And I was like, ‘Yeah,’ and then she dropped to her knees!

–2nd & 2nd

Overheard by: wishing i did soaps

Suit on cell: On one hand, you’re married, and I don’t need that kind of drama. On the other hand, you do owe me a blowjob.

–Wall St, 2-3 stop atrium

Overheard by: did he get a receipt?