Chick on cell: I need you to give me a ride home when I get off the bus. My grandma has been standing in front of my house for over one hour…I bet you anything she needs money again.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Julio
Chick on cell: I need you to give me a ride home when I get off the bus. My grandma has been standing in front of my house for over one hour…I bet you anything she needs money again.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Julio
Cashier chick #1: Girl, I had a dream last night that I was pregnant!
Cashier chick #2: Damn girl, don’t you know that mean someone is gonna die?
Cashier chick #1: Oh no. I don’t want no one in my family to die. Except my grandma.
–C-Town, Astoria
Overheard by: Cap’n Ron
Woman #1: Yeah, so I dropped my baggage off at my mother’s house the other day.
Woman #2: Are you going on a trip somewhere?
Woman #1: No, I just needed her to babysit for a while.
Woman #2: Babysit what? I don’t get it.
Woman #1: The children, dammit! The children!
Woman #2: Relax! At first you said baggage…Oh, I see now.
–Macy’s, Queens Center Mall
Conductor: Local, this is a 7 local. 33rd Street next.
Loudspeaker: Attention Flushing-bound 7 train. You are not a local. You are an express train. Your next stop is 61st-Woodside. Now let the people in and close your doors.
–Queensboro Plaza 7 station
Overheard by: and hearts semicolon
Guy on pay phone: Hey Tom, it’s Jerry.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Matthew Suss
Guy: You know, for a hundred dollars, you can get that old mink stole
made into a teddy bear!
–M104 bus
Overheard by: Ron Caldwell
Blind man: Come on, follow me.
–Woodlawn
Girl #1: Can you believe her? It drives me nuts!
Girl #2: Do you remember back when you were 17? You were just as bad.
Girl #1: No, I wasn’t. I didn’t walk around saying I was that hot. I may have been bad about other things, but I didn’t say I was God’s gift to everyone.
Girl #2: You were the most conceited person I knew.
Girl #1: Was not. And what the fuck do you have to bring that up and throw it in my face for? God…Forget it, I am not helping you with your Green Card.
–Queens Center Mall
Little girl #1: He took out everything after we bought the house. The refrigerator, the stove, the toilet…
Little girl #2: Was he Korean? I mean, I’m Korean but that sounds so Korean.
Little girl #1: Nah, he was Italian.
Little girl #2: Koreans, Italians, French…no difference.
–Flushing
White guy: Dude, I’m going to be the only non-Asian at this party.
Asian guy: No, man, there are going to be tons of Koreans there.
–6 train
Overheard by: Elisabeth
Girl #1: Oh no, I can feel my pulse in my neck!
Girl #2: You can always feel your pulse in your neck, douchebag.
Girl #1: No, but it’s, like, really strong.
–Washington Square Park
Bag lady: I have osteoporosis.
Hobo: Ostoprognosis? Is that serious?
Bag lady: Well, I might die from it. It makes you boneless. I have no bones. Like a Perdue chicken.
Hobo: So it turns you into a skeleton!
–2 train
Guy: I wish I could turn my fat into gold.
–18th & 5th
Overheard by: basselope
Old cashier lady: Sixteen years ago they gave me 72 hours to live. I only have three arteries in my heart.
Old customer lady: How many are you supposed to have?
Old cashier lady: Four.
Old customer lady: Oh. That’s not that bad…
–Stop and Shop, Astoria
Overheard by: Dan
