Attendant lady: Excuse me, this is the ladies’ room.
Primping man: Oh! I’m just such a lady, sometimes I forget.
–Joe’s Pub
Attendant lady: Excuse me, this is the ladies’ room.
Primping man: Oh! I’m just such a lady, sometimes I forget.
–Joe’s Pub
Guy: You know, I can never be in the Air Force.
Girl: Well, not really. There’s always the whole ‘Don’t tell’ thing.
Guy: But it’s on my record!
Girl: What? Did you have to file for your gay card or something?
Guy: … I meant because of my bad vision!
–Metro-North train
Queer on cell: Should I decorate my balls with diamonds?
Random passerby: Yeah!
–Broadway
Overheard by: K the Bomb
Queer: If I just go home and not to the gym tonight, I’ll just get fatter.
Fag hag: I thought you said you don’t have any food at your apartment.
Queer: Regardless — fat will find a way.
–E 59th & 5th
Overheard by: Joel
Sexually ambiguous guy: Yeah, Natasha is having a party tonight, but I didn’t want to go because she has bedbugs, and I was afraid that I’d get bedbugs and bring them home. Everyone who’s going has to wear plastic bags.
Female companion: Why is she having a party?
Sexually ambiguous guy: It’s a bedbug party.
–St. Mark’s Pl
Overheard by: minerfa
Homeless man: You need to pray to Jesus everyday. Do you thank Jesus for your food or your family or the newspaper? The devil is killing you through newspapers and the media. Are you thankful to Jesus? He loves you if you talk to him everyday.
Queer: I would be thankful to Jesus if you would stop shouting in my ear so I can listen to Beyonce’s newest album.
–N train
Overheard by: Brina Guild
Headline by: kempadimes
Runners-Up:
· “Is my Savior too bootylicious?” – Mdaneman
· “Jesulicious” – Mark Schilsky
· “Jesus loves me, this I know. A fucking hobo tells me so.” – Extra Character
· “Jesus saves souls, not careers” – Megan
· “Some messiahs are so high-maintenance” – N. A. Cargo
Dude #1: I wonder why we’re here.
Dude #2: I tried to figure it out once…
Dude #1: And what did you find?
Dude #2: I found out that I’m probably gay.
–Wall St
Hoochie: I think that’s a D-list actor!
Queer: Really? What’s his name?
Hoochie: Ummm, I don’t know. Maybe he isn’t an actor. Do I know him?
Queer: How would you know him?
Hoochie, yelling to guy: Did I give you a blow job?!
—Marie Antoinette screening, Lincoln Square theatre
Overheard by: Madame T
Negligent mom: He’s a little boy — that’s what he’s supposed to do! They have penises so they can wave them around!
–Danice, 125th & 8th
Overheard by: Tammy Scumbag
Guy: You think I don’t have one? You think I don’t have one?! I will flash everyone on this train!
–6 train
Black man to girlfriend: Why you tellin’ everybody ’bout mah dick for? Oh, you sad now? Well, stop tellin’ everybody ’bout mah dick!
–Staten Island
Overheard by: Against Marj
Little kid waiting to cross street: Owww, my wiener!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Sandy
Queer: Rocky got hard during ‘Touch me, touch me’ because Janet would rub all over him and he was straight… And in those little yellow shorts you could see his penis grow like a torpedo.
–1 train
Overheard by: Smirking Minnesotan
Professor, about ancient Greek theater: Lots of padding, lots of masks, lots of… phalluses.
–Columbia University
Queer #1: Hey, are you a faggot?
Queer #2: Yeah, I’m a faggot.
–Marie’s Crisis Piano Bar, West Village
