Physics teacher: Who wants to read problem five?
Girl in front of room: Who wants to drink cyanide for breakfast?
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Physics teacher: Who wants to read problem five?
Girl in front of room: Who wants to drink cyanide for breakfast?
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Girl: There are six feet in that bathroom stall! You should check it out.
Employee: Do I look like a sex cop to you?
–Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Dramatically upset woman outside bathroom: I knew I had to pee before, but I chose not to! And now I'm facing the consequences!
–La Lanterna, The Village
Overheard by: Sunny
Woman holding child: Does looking at the fountain make you have to pee? It makes mommy have to pee. It's only natural.
–Bryant Park
Guy to friend: No, seriously, I think I legit peed on that guy!
–30th St & 9th Ave
Guy on cell: No, I will not urinate with you!
–The Met
Woman in turtleneck to suit: I mean, people shouldn't only eat when they're hungry. (pause) Or go to the bathroom when they have to… only. That's like, bad for your bladder!
–86th St & 5th Ave
Woman on cell: I don't care about them. I don't care about their urine. I don't care about their office!
–Court & Carroll, Brooklyn
Three-year-old boy to mother: Mommy, there is a baby in your stomach that is making you throw up.
–G Train
Guy with hand over friend's mouth, encouraging him not to throw up: No! No! No!
–Q Train
Guy, pleading with girl: Don't go home. (pukes on self) Why do you have to go home?
–32nd St & Madison Ave
Man standing next to woman throwing up: Beans and rice… No, corn.
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Julian
Girl: So she was flirting with you? Did you get her number?
Guy: Yeah. We had a great conversation at the party.
Girl: So when are you going to ask her out?
Guy: I dunno. I think she kind of likes me. I don't want to ruin it by going on a date with her.
–Union Square
Overheard by: mike
Male hipster: How was your birthday?
Female friend: My neighbor showed up in the morning to give me back my panties. I was like “did we sleep together?” and he said, “no, you just gave them to me.”
–85th & 3rd
Overheard by: Advisor Alicia
Older gentleman: Man! Yesterday was my birthday. Guess how old I am?
Disinterested older lady: I dunno. 40s?
Older gentleman: I'm 53 but I still look like I'm in my 30s.
Disinterested older lady, deadpan: I'm a million years old.
Older gentleman: Where you headin'?
Disinterested older lady: Up to 125th Street, then I take the bus to Queens.
Older gentleman: Queens? I never been to no Queens. What's out there in Queens, man? I gotta visit one day.
Disinterested older lady: You ain't missing much.
–M15 Bus
Old black man #1: You know I'm goin' to court tomorrow?
Old black man #2: Yeah, I know. I'll be praying for you… I always do.
–Deli, 113th St & Lenox
Grizzly-faced tourist: Yeah, you see those trees over there?
Companion: Yeah.
Grizzly-faced tourist: Those were here when New York was invented by Ed Koch.
–Central Park West & 72nd St
Shiksa: Is semen kosher for Passover?
Jewish girl: I think so. Sperm don't have hooves.
–23rd St & Lexington
Overheard by: Jason
