Or, at Least, It Does When You're Stoned.

Guy: Sprechen Sie Deutsch?
Girl: Huh?
Guy: It means “do you speak Dutch”?
Girl: Ohhhhhh.

–Outside McSorley's Tavern, East Village

Overheard by: bildita

Posted on May 15, 2010
Bars & Clubs, Girls, Guys, Language Barrier, Languages, Questions, Union Square and East Village

Of the Sandwich Variety.

Girl: Can I have a breakfast sandwich?
Dunkin' Donuts employee: Yes, miss, what kind?
Girl: Breakfast.

–F Subway

Posted on May 14, 2010
Clerks, Customers, Food, On the Subway, Questions, Stupidity

WedNRAsday One-Liners

Man in bar, with the air of explaining a very simple concept: We need to shoot every fucking robber in the head, right? Then there would be no robbers.

–Midtown

Mom to son picking leaves off a potted plant: You better stop doing that or else they'll shoot you.

–Roosevelt Island Golf Center

Overheard by: erak

40-something female suit: I'm looking for a particular kind of venom for my blow-gun darts.

–The High Line

60-something woman to two admiring 30-something women: My body no longer produces estrogen and I carry a gun in my purse… Who's going to mess with me?

–Prince & Sullivan

Posted on May 12, 2010
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Families, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Lower East Side, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Murder, One-liners, Parks, Questions, Soho, Suits, Thievery, Threats, Trees and plants, Weapons, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Smug, Superior Wednesday One-Liners

NYU girl: I love authentic ethnic food, but not authentic ethnic service. Could you please Americanize your demeanor when you hand me a plate? I like service with a smile.

–Washington Square Park

Emo girl to friend, laughing hysterically, with a huge smile on his face: Stop! You've used up two of my three allotted daily smiles.

–R Train

College boy: We should put them on our penises. So it looks like a smiley face every time we pee.

–Williamsburg

Math teacher, seeing smiley face on board: Is that a penis?

–Hunter College High School

Posted on May 12, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ethnic Food, Frat Boys, Friends, Girls, Hunter, Laughter, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Pee, Penis, Questions, Sorority Girls, Teachers/Professors, Washington Square Park, Weirdness, Williamsburg

Almost As Though There'd Been a Wall in Between

Girl #1: So you just got back from Berlin? What was that like?
Girl #2: Great. It's like two cities.

–NYU

Posted on May 11, 2010
Girls, Global Geography, NYU, Questions, Travel

Congress?

Daughter, after seeing steaks on a barbecue: Is that pig?
Mother: No, it's cow.
Daughter: Ew! Gross!
Mother: Where did you think pork came from?

–Street Festival, Myrtle Ave

Posted on May 11, 2010
Brooklyn, Families, Food, Moms, Parades & Festitivites, Questions, Stupidity

We Prefer “The Sittin' Squad,” But Yeah.

Suit, blocking newly vacated seat and motioning to young woman at other end of the car: Would you like to sit?
Older woman, closer to the seat: Who the fuck is he… The seat police?

–5 Train

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer

Posted on May 10, 2010
Cops, Insults, Old People, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Suits, Women

I'll Take That As a Compliment.

Incredibly loud old black woman with cane, addressing two teenage boys with ponytails: Hey! You both got long hair! Are you faggots?
Boys, laughing: Nah, nah.
Loud black woman: You like dick?
Boy #1: Nah, we good.
Loud black woman: So you like pussy?
Boy #1: Yeah.
Boy #2: Yeah, we like pussy.
Random eavesdropping guy: I like pussy!
Loud black woman to boy #1: You a handsome motherfucker. You sure you don't like dick?
Boy #1: Yeah.
Loud black woman: Good. If you was a faggot I'd stick my cane up your ass.

–Uptown 1 Train