Big black woman, on Halloween: Who are you supposed to be, The Mad Hatter?
Guy: I'm Willy Wonka. Gene Wilder's Willy Wonka from the seventies.
Big black woman: Oh, I never would have known. You know, what you need is an accessory, a prop.
Guy: Like what? I look just like him!
Big black woman: You need a chocolate woman on your arm.
–Jack Dempsey's Pub
Flustered suit pacing along street: Just letting you know I got a FedEx from Bruce Willis, I guess he finally decided to pay his bills.
–84th St
Overheard by: mikaela
Man to dinner companion: So did you know Mia Farrow is doing a hunger strike? Because of what's happening in Darfur? I hope she dies.
–Red Bamboo, West Village
Transvestite: Damn, that girl looks like Brooke Shields. Damn, that white girl in the blue shoes looks like Brooke Shields.
–4 Train
Man giving out Metro newspaper: Metro! Metro! Whoooeee, baby, you looking like Jennifer Lopez! Metro!
–7 Train
Suit on cell: If he does it again I am going to get all Chuck Woolery on his ass!
–Gold St
Boyfriend: I found one of those things in my desk today, you know, like for a stamp.
Girlfriend: An ink pad?
Boyfriend: Yeah.
Girlfriend: Did you touch it?
Boyfriend: Yeah.
Girlfriend: Did you wash it off?
Boyfriend, examining finger: Almost.
Girlfriend: Oh my god, why do you have to touch everything?
–Uptown F Train
Overheard by: Laura
Guy: How many dicks can you fit in your vagina?
Girl: Umm, I'd say five.
–Fire Island
Overheard by: Pranav
Tween girl #1: Oh my god, is it wrong that I want him inside me?
Tween girl #2: Uh, yeah, especially since you’re like 13 and a virgin.
Tween girl #1: Oh my god, shut up! I don’t want all these New Yorkers to know I’m a virgin!
–50th & 6th
Teen #1: What's a scallion pancake? Do you put syrup on it?
Teen #2: I don't know.
Teen #1: I thought scallions were a seafood.
Teen #2: No. That's “scallops.”
–Chinese Takeout, Queens
Overheard by: illyria
Tiny Asian girl: So it's been like two weeks since you had a cupcake?
Gangly white girl: Oh my god, you have no idea. It's been 16 days.
–Washington Square Park
Stoner guy, as it begins to rain: Dude, what is this shit?
Other guy: Um, rain?
Stoner guy: … Man, I got a bad feeling about this…
–Broadway & Bleecker
Grad student: Translation: Will you marry me? Or: I don’t want germs.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
Dude: … My wedding [mumble] gonna take away my clothes, so I’m going to need a tear-away tuxedo.
–53rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Jo
Chick to another: Yeah, he’s the one who wouldn’t marry her because she was too pale.
–Starbucks
Blonde: … And I’m really not sure, because he said he shouldn’t unless we are married, but that it’s okay, we could just do it and then he could just confess his sins or something like that…
–Broadway & Prince
Overheard by: Dan
Lesbian to group: So, what is the reason behind getting married, besides pretending to be heterosexual? Exactly — presents!
–Party, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Jude
Young woman to another: But do you know how big a horse dick is?
–5th Ave & Carroll, Park Slope
Girl: I'm really tired. I'm, like, an animal activist right now.
–Parking Lot, Broadway Mall
Overheard by: Lysa
Student: I'm not that sensitive. I can watch those videos where they like, torture the animal or whatever, and then I'll go eat it.
–Cardozo Law School
Asian girl: Does this make me look like a sad Panda?
–NYU Dining Hall
Columbia girl: I'd never have asked if I knew he was the one who'd killed it. But I didn't suspect him. Who'd spend their time strangling a gerbil?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Who'd have thought?
Guido to friend: Yo, it smells like a skunk burped up a hot dog.
–Penn Station
Lady on speaker: If you have an animal, please do not put it through the X-ray.
–LaGuardia Airport
