Professor: Not only will I take off points, but I will go and TP your house.
Student: It's a really long drive…
Professor: It's worth it to me.
–NYU
Overheard by: Spazz
Professor: Not only will I take off points, but I will go and TP your house.
Student: It's a really long drive…
Professor: It's worth it to me.
–NYU
Overheard by: Spazz
Law student #1: Are you applying for the TA position?
Law student #2: No.
Law student #1: Why not?
Law student #2: I'm not interested in helping people.
–Fordham Law School
Token booth man to teen: So you have no book bag, no ID, and no money? What grade are you in?
Teen: Eighth grade.
Token booth man: So why don't you have your books?
Teen: I spent the night at my girlfriend's.
Token booth man: So you have no book bag, no ID, no money, you're in eihgth grade,and you spent the night at your girlfriend's?
–Subway, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Mom in transit
Economics teacher: I want you to understand elasticity!
Student: LSD?
–Brooklyn Tech
Overheard by: Julie
Chick on cell: Look, there are only two people other than me who can construct a sentence that awesome: Severus Snape and Keith Olbermann, and one of them isn't even real!
–18th & 6th
Middle-aged man on cell: Hey man, guess what. I just saw Harry Potter's magic wand!
—Equus, Broadhurst Theatre
Overheard by: Kilfy
Chick on cell: Is he one of Voldemort's friends from high school?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Loud girl to friend: Because seriously, how many real redheads do we actually know? And Ron Weasley doesn't count!
–NYU
IT VP: This guy at work told me the ending to the last Harry Potter book before I read it. So I fired him.
–Astoria
Overheard by: Jason E
Cashier: Wow, you speak really good English. Where are you from?
Hipster Asian dude: I'm from Tokyo and I've been taking classes since I was three so I'm really articulate and speak great English.
Cashier: Really?
Hipster Asian dude: Fuck no. I'm from Queens.
–Deer Park
Overheard by: Schmooty
Student, reading incorrectly from The Scarlet Letter: “Gorgeous luxuriance of fantasy…”
English teacher: “Fancy.”
Student: “Fancy.” I can't read.
English teacher: I know.
–English Class, Bronx HS of Science
Overheard by: Lillian
Biology teacher: So guys, we're going to go over the stuff I didn't get to yesterday.
Student: Mr. Jones*, you're too good of a teacher to have missed anything. There's nothing left to cover.
Biology teacher: We'll continue as soon as Thomas* takes his lips off my butt.
–Stuyvesant High School
Angry parent: So what you are telling me is you know nothing about how my son's face got bruised.
Teacher: No, ma'am. Like I said, it happened at recess. I am on my lunch during their recess.
Angry parent: So you weren't there? You didn't see nothing?
Teacher: I did not see anything. I was not there. I was on my lunch.
Angry parent: So you wasn't there? You is his teacher but you's not with him all day?
Teacher: No ma'am. If I were with these students all day, I would kill myself.
–Public School, Bronx
Anthropology prof: Amish youth in Pennsylvania have the opportunity to go out and experience mainstream society for a period of time before deciding whether or not to leave Amish society. An overwhelming amount decide to return to Amish society. That really tells you something about the cohesiveness of this religious sect! (pause) Then again, maybe it's just because Philadelphia is the city they all go out into.
–Classroom, Fordham University
Overheard by: Martin Van Nostrand
Professor: You still need to lubricate anything that's sliding in and out.
–The Cooper Union
NYU prof: I have an aunt who is 105, and she just keeps on living. I just want to tell her, "you don't need to live for-fucking-ever. Die already, you have no quality of life!
–NYU
Columbia professor (to teaching assistant): You know, I've been teaching this stuff so long, I almost believe it.
–Classroom, Columbia University
Professor: I hope that Freud reading gave you a rise. I didn't just say that.
–NYU
Overheard by: Yeah. It did.
