Like Snowflakes, No Two Wednesday One-Liners Are Identical

Loud chick to male companion: And she sings when she orgasms! Like, "a-a-a-a-aaaah!" and "e-e-e-e-eeeeeee!"

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: Ladle

Man outside Starbucks: Dude! I gave Sharon an orgasm over the phone last night. (laughs)

–Starbucks, 14th St

Overheard by: Elizabel

Subway musician: Y'all better be good 'cause Santa Claus only comes once a year. But that's between him and Mrs. Claus.

–W 4th St Subway Platform

Young man on cell: It looks like a 42-inch orgasm.

–Posman Books, Grand Central Terminal

Overheard by: ant

Hot chick to another: You're like the Mother Teresa of orgasms!

–1020 Bar, 110th & Broadway

Overheard by: Chuck Bass

Posted on October 31, 2014
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Christianity, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Grand Central, Height, Laughter, Marriage, Men, Musicians, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Orgasm, Singing, Starbucks, Store, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Train Station, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners

…But How'd You Know My Name?

Short man in glasses, suit, and ankle cast: Hey, I've got some great new music for you.
Tall blonde model: Oh, really?
Short man: Yeah! I've got the new David Guetta album three months before it's supposed to come out. It's got this song with Akon called Sexy Bitch.
Tall blonde model: Wow, cool!
Short man: It's a song about you!
Tall blonde model, genuinely surprised: Tee-hee! Really?

–Hotel down from the rooftop bar at the Gansevoort

Posted on October 28, 2014
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Hotels, Models, Music, Nicknames & name calling, Offers and requests, Questions, Singing, Stupidity, Vendors & Street Performers

There's No Wednesday One-Liners Like Show Wednesday One-Liners

Hipster Pee-wee Herman lookalike to friend: Oh, and when I give her anilingus to let me direct a show? You're totally gonna be in it!

–Q Train

Overheard by: Flea

Man: I believe some of this will be made up.

–Going into Wicked, Broadway

Overheard by: CAM

Black highschool girl: Oh my god, why do they keep singing?

—In the Heights, Broadway Musical

Overheard by: Cookie

Woman in Jersey accent: Is this the one about the boy who wants to be a horse or the girl who wants to be a fish?

–At Equus, Broadhurst Theatre

Overheard by: HarlemRy

Daniel Radcliffe fan girl: I have to be in this show some day. Even if I'm eighty, I gotta be in this show with him. I'd be like, "put it in me! Put it in me!"

–At Equus, Broadhurst Theatre

Overheard by: Nikki

Man leaving Hair: Well, that beats the hell outta Shakespeare!

–Outside Delacorte Theater, Central Park

Posted on October 27, 2014
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Ass, B & T, Black People, Broadway Shows, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Fakes, Friends, Girls, Hipsters, Licking, Men, Music, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Sex, Singing, Students, Theater, Theater & Dance, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

When, Really, Tyra Did

Guy #1: I want to sing into an oscillating fan and record it.
Guy #2: Do you think you’re the first person to think of that? That’s like saying the kid on Project Runway invented the word “fierce”.

–10th St & 1st Ave

Posted on October 18, 2014
Compare/Contrast, Default, Guys, Questions, Singing, TV, Union Square and East Village, Wishes & desires, Words

The Story Of Felix Calderon's Life

Recorded voice on loudspeaker: The train on platform 2 is now departing.
Man, running down stairs, in sing-song voice: I'm co-ming!

–LIRR Platform

Overheard by: Tigertail

Posted on October 14, 2014
Men, Orgasm, Public Transportation, Singing, Train Station

You Can Be No Happier Than the Least-Happy Person in the Bed

Sad-looking tiny girlfriend: This was just an awful shift and an awful day.
Meathead boyfriend. trying to cheer her up: Do you want me to sing the sleepy time song?
Sad-looking tiny girlfriend: No. I just want to drink.
Meathead boyfriend: I have Jack at home.
Sad-looking tiny girlfriend: Fuck Jack, I need fucking tequila!
Meathead boyfriend: No! You're mean when you have tequila!
Sad-looking tiny girlfriend: I'm going to be meaner than I am now if I don't get tequila!
Meathead boyfriend: Okay, I'll get a bottle.

–A Train

Posted on September 22, 2014
Compare/Contrast, Couples, Drinking & Drunk People, Insults, Meatheads, On the Subway, Singing, Threats, Wishes & desires

Some Of Us Are Strangers in a Familiar Land

Three girls singing in unison: Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah! Roma-Roma-ma-ah! Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!.
Disturbed hobo: Alright there, ladies googoo!

–A Train

Posted on September 5, 2014
Girls, Hobos, On the Subway, Singing, Weirdness

It Is Cool — We Just Have to Pretend Otherwise

Texan teen #1: Look! Look over there!
Texan teen #2: Where?! I don’t see it! What?! [Texan teen #1 points to man playing keyboard and singing.] Ohhh my god! He’s singin’! Cooool! Wow! God!

–Port Authority station

Posted on August 31, 2014
Default, Singing, Southerners, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, Tourism

Wednesday One-Linernotes

Man handing out his CD: Scuze me, you like authentic Latino music? (woman flinches)
I ain't gonna bite you. Neither is the CD. Unless you're bitten with the sweet beat of salsa.

–2 Train

Older guy to younger date: So last night, right, I was a little drunker than I wanted to be and I was listening to those Beethoven and Mozart symphonies to, you know, really try to hear the difference between them…

–Uptown A Train

Woman walking out of a Chekhov play: Ugh! That was like taking a Tchaikovsky and playing it as if it were a Beeeeeethoven.

–Theatre District

Overheard by: Greer Feick

Happy older musician: I'm playing at the memorial concert for Ricky B*. Johnny T* was going to do it, but he died. I'm the go-to replacement when someone scheduled to play at a tribute concert dies.

–19th & 7th

Overheard by: tycho anomaly

Man on cell: Did you get the tickets? (pause) Eighty dollars to see a green bitch sing!?

–Chineese Restaurant, Columbus Ave

Posted on August 20, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Death, Drinking & Drunk People, For Sale, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Music, Musicians, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Singing, Street, Stupidity, Theater, Theater & Dance, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

At Least the Alphabet Answers Me

Older sister leading younger brother to sanctuary rail before mass: Now, you kneel down and you pray. Fold your hands like this (demonstrates) and now we pray. (begins murmuring “Our Father”)
Little brother (eyes sister anxiously, begins softly singing): A, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l…
Older sister: Are you praying?

–Jerome Ave & Morris Ave

Posted on August 11, 2014
Brothers, Church, Religion, Singing, Sisters, The Bronx, Weirdness, Words

Singing

The Story Of Felix Calderon's Life