Wednesday Funbag-Liners

Teenage girl: Ohmigod. Doesn't she know that the "having big boobs" thing is, like, not in anymore?

–86th St

Overheard by: Kevin

Girl to another: It splashed on my boob… Then he slurped it off!

–Charles & 4th

Overheard by: Eric

20-something guy, singing: I wanna touch some boobs. I wanna touch some boobs. I wanna touch some boobs. I wanna find my motherfucking sock, 'cause I don't know where it is. I wanna touch some boobs…

–Pratt Institute

Angry hobo to college chick with big boobs zipping up her jacket: Don't put them titties away!

–5th & 21st

Elderly woman to husband: I keep my business in my bosom!

–Carnegie Deli

Posted on December 5, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Body Parts, Clothing, College, Couples, Delis, Girls, Guys, Height, Hobos, Licking, Old People, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Rack, Sensory Experiences, Singing, Strangers, Teens, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners

Who Needs a Television When You Have New York?

Deranged woman singing “Greatest Love of All”: “They can't take away my diiiiiiiiignity…”
Passenger: She doing a stripper dance on that pole! Looks like they took her dignity!
Deranged woman: Mommase, mommasa, momma makosa.
Passenger: She bilingual! But she got her dignity back!

–2 Train

Overheard by: never touch the pole

Posted on November 6, 2015
Crazies, Languages, On the Subway, Passengers, Singing, Strippers, Weirdness

Teach Me, Bobby! Teach Me!

Six-year-old boy: You know that song “Let's Get It Started”? It's by the same group that sings your favorite song “Boom Boom Pow.”
Eight-year-old boy: The Black Eyed Peas?
Six-year-old boy: Yeah! They came out with “Let's Get It Started” way back in the day… Before they changed their sound.

–Cosi

Posted on October 11, 2015
Kids, Music, Restaurants & Cafes, Singing

Eh, I'm Just in It for the Sodomy

Gay guy #1: We should get tickets to a musical in April.
Gay guy #2: I don't like musicals.
Gay guy #1: What?
Gay guy #2: I don't like plays.
Gay guy #1: Gay.

–Barnard College

Posted on August 7, 2015
Columbia (& Barnard), Gays and Lesbians, Queer guys, Singing, Theater & Dance

Don't Invade Another Country If You're Unprepared to Meet Resistance

Younger girl to cougar on dance floor: Excuse me, but you need to be younger to sing this song.
Cougar: Well, you need to be prettier to wear a dress like that.

–Bar

Posted on August 2, 2015
Age/Aging, Bars & Clubs, Beauty, Clothing, Comebacks, Girls, Singing, Women

Wednesday One-Liners (Sing Along If You Know the Words)

Crazy hobo (to the tune of Elvis’ Hound dog): Ain’t nothing but a hound dog! (mutters next two lines) And you never fuck a rabbit in the ass, cause that’s just a waste of time!

–E 4th St & 2nd Ave

Man, to the tune of Hit Me Baby One More Time: I need to pee out of my urethra.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Noelle

Guy in back of the bus wearing headphones and singing: (almost inaudible) I wanna die…I just wanna die.
(everyone stares at him)
Guy: (almost inaudible) I wanna die… I wanna dieeeeeeee.

–Bx 9 Bus, Fordham Plaza

Overheard by: Krisztina, sitting right in front of him

Homeless guy singing while shaking paper cup full of change: Oh me, oh my… There goes perfection. Oh me, oh my… Here comes an erection.

–13th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: rolf

Young Hispanic man singing to Led Zeppelin’s Stairway to Heaven: And there’s a wino down the road!

–E train

Overheard by: In_the_Shadows

Crazy hobo signing to two passing women: Vaaaggiiinnnaaa… Vaaagggiiiinnaaaa. (stretches out his neck towards them and emphasizes) Vaaaaggggiiiiinnnaaaaaa!

–Near NYU

Overheard by: Joe

Posted on July 31, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Body Parts, Crazies, Crazy, Death, Drinking & Drunk People, Guys, Hobos, Latinos, Men, On the Bus, On the Subway, Pee, Penn Station, Sex, Singing, The Bronx, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Words

Wordsworth’s Like a Pile of Puke Compared to Luther Vandross

Student: For my song poem, I chose ‘Always and Forever,’ remade by Luther Vandross.
Professor, singing: Always and forever, each moment with you is just like a dream to me that somehow came true…
Student: Ahem. I have to read the poem. [After student is done reading, professor leads class in singing the whole song.]

–Hunter College

Overheard by: Brownsvillegirl

Posted on July 27, 2015
Hunter, Singing, Students, Teachers/Professors

Beware Of Wednesday One-Liner

Girl on cell with dog in her bag: So I was just like "You're a friggin douche!" (pauses and looks in bag) Fuck! My asshole dog just shit in my bag! (takes dog out) Oh my god! It shit in my lap! It's everywhere! Help me, Dana!

–D Train

Overheard by: Hahahahaaaaa

Passerby to young woman tying up about 10 dogs, singing: Who let the dogs out? Who?

–E 90th St

Six-year-old girl to mother: And then I said, "Oh, Shihtzu!"

–Houston & Orchard

Overheard by: j

Man on cell: I mean, I don't want to compare her to a dog. But, I just don't want to pet that, if you know what I mean.

–E 4th St & Lafayette

Overheard by: amanda

Large scruffy man in deli apron, watching hot Latina: Woof! (pause) Sorry baby, it's just the dog in me. Woof!

–2nd Ave & 94th St

Fat man to female friend: I don't know that dogs are delicious. Rather, I know that pork is.

–Broadway & Chambers St

Overheard by: Carolyn S

Girl, pointing at Dachshunds: Look, Chihuahuas!

–Winter Gardens

Posted on July 15, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Fat People, Food, Friends, Girls, Insults, Kids, Laptop, Lower East Side, Man's Best Friend, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, On the Subway, Pick-up Lines, Poop, Questions, Singing, Strangers, Street, Stupidity, Theater, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Every Wednesday One-Liner Has Its Price

Woman to another: She had one baby at her breast and another baby sitting next to her, trying to sell chicklets.

–10 Rockefeller Plaza

Overheard by: Jarrod

Young man to young woman: Sell it on the black market or give it up for adoption. That's basically your only two options.

–Grand St, Chinatown

Overheard by: Mike Posillico

Crazy woman to entire bus: My husband be given my money to all those hoes. That's why I gotta sell coffee. But at least I'm not sellin' my ass… (gets distracted by radio) Oh, this is a nice song.

–Bx15 Bus

Overheard by: Karly

Father of four, attempting herd jumping children on street: Okay, the next child that doesn't listen to me will be sold!

–34th & 3rd

Overheard by: Dahouhou

Midwestern lady tourist to husband: Huh, Virgin. I wonder what they sell there.

–14th St, across Doomed Megastore

Overheard by: Not buyin what they're sellin

Posted on July 10, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Bus, Chinatown, Coffee, Couples, Crazies, Dads, Food, Kids, Marriage, Men, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Names, On the Bus, One-liners, Parents, Passengers, Prostitution, Rack, Rockefeller Center, Shopping, Should've Used a Condom, Singing, Store, Street, Stupidity, Threats, Tourism, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Exactly Half

Hipster guy: And then we wandered down the street into Bed-Stuy, like into the projects, and these guys were screaming at us, like, “You in the wrong part of Brooklyn, white boys!” …but Marcus is half black!
Hipster girl: Oh, so it's not entirely ironic when he freestyles?

–Hayden Residence Hall, NYU

Posted on July 2, 2015
Hipsters, NYU, Questions, Race, Singing, Threats

Singing