Wednesday One-Liners Get a Hoboner

Hobo: I am homeless and ashy. Can anyone spare some lotion? I want to go from ashy to classy.

–A Train

Overheard by: SBroto

Hobo: If looks could kill I'd be dead. Kind words don't hurt nobody. I give sandwiches.

–Shuttle to Grand Central

Overheard by: alan b hutscar

Panhandler, holding top hat overflowing with bills: And take your newspapers and personal belongings with you, I got company comin' over tonight!

–4 Train

Overheard by: Anthony LoDuca

Hobo: You think anyone ever went to Harvard and forgot about it?

–Central Park

Hobo, near no tripping hazards or holes: Watch your step! Don't fall! Look where you're going! Don't fall down!

–4th & Broadway

Singing hobo: I'm gonna be on Broadway! You're all invited! I don't care what you look like. Even you! (points to random man)

–1 Train

Posted on June 27, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Broadway Shows, Central Park, Crazy, Death, Food, Hobos, Homeless, Money & Class, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Parks, Physical appearance, Questions, School and studying, Singing, Strangers, Street, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Maybe Somebody Nice Will Kidnap You

Three-year-old girl, singing loudly: It's hot and it's cold, it's yes and it's no, we fight we break up, and kiss and make up.
Mom, sounding desperate: Please…please just go stand over there.

–Bathroom, Intrepid Museum

Posted on June 27, 2015
Kids, Moms, More museums, Parents, Should've Used a Condom, Singing

A Guy's Not Allowed to Make a Radom Observation?

Young boyfriend, as Madonna's “holiday” comes on: You know, I have always hated Pat Benatar.
Older girlfriend, spitting out beer: Well, that's good honey, because this is Madonna.
Tattooed bartender chick: Pathetic.

–Lower East Side

Overheard by: Cougar Hunter

Posted on June 24, 2015
About Celebrities, Bartenders, Boyfriends, Girlfriends, Gripes, Lower East Side, Movies, Singing

Wednesday One-Liners Are With the Band

Dr. Obvious: If you want to be a label band, you have to play like a label band.

–Bar basement, Williamsburg

Subway performer: I would like to sing you a song now, one that I wrote and I am very proud of. It goes like this, “Lean on me, when you’re not strong, and I’ll be your friend…”

–Brooklyn bound L train

Overheard by: Meg

Guy to girl: I don’t mean to be pretentious, but I have seen the Palominos live.

–CBGB’s

Karaoke singer: I realized early on that I wasn’t being sexy enough with that song, and then suddenly I was humping the air.

–Fat Black Pussycat, 3rd St & 6th Ave

Stoner: Dude, what is this band playing? Is this Phish? No, seriously. I’m really confused.

–Dave Matthews Band concert, Randall’s Island

Overheard by: Sober at Randall’s Island

Black guy: I don’t give a damn what the black people think! I want Evanescence!

–Hunter College

Overheard by: Kimmie

Waiter: I had to get out of there. I’m sorry, but I just can’t listen to Tom Waits as soon as I get into work! It’s too early for Tom Waits! Let me ease into my day first. Jesus!

–Outside Life Café

Overheard by: daile

Posted on June 23, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Music, Singing, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Who Needs a Television When You've Got the City?

(a soprano is singing an opera aria in her apartment on the 4th floor)
Random man on street (screaming up to the window): Girl, you're not even gonna sing the high note?! Pussy!
Soprano (screaming out the window): Everyone's a fucking critic!

–Inwood

Posted on June 22, 2015
Default, Insults, Music, Musicians, Questions, Singing, Strangers, Washington Heights and Inwood, Women

After 96th, All the White People Have Already Scampered Away

Panhandler, singing “Here Comes the Sun” as he walks through the train: Please give me some money!
Homie: Dude, you need to be on a downtown train! We's poor on the uptown train! You on the wrong fucking train.

–1 Train

Overheard by: trixx117

Posted on June 16, 2015
Guys, Hobos, Money & Class, On the Subway, Panhandling, Public Transportation, Singing

Wednesday Puts on Its One-Liners One Leg at a Time

Ghetto dude on phone: Do you know what I could do with that money? I could get a new pair of pants… or maybe get my hair done.

–Broadway & 86th St

Girl to another: I had this teacher in high school who wore the tightest pants. Camel toe all the time.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Giancarlo

Annoying sober 20-something, returning from bathroom: God! I'm so sweaty, it made it really hard to pull my pants down.

–Diner, 3rd Ave

Teenage girl to another: He came here to do a concert. He probably doesn't want to hear you scream, "Take your pants off!"

–Battery Park

Posted on June 12, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Battery Park, Clothing, Girls, Guys, Hair, Money & Class, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Physical appearance, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Sex, Singing, Sweat, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

I Gave Him My Best Parker Posey Lip Curl and Left the Train

Snooty alternative chick: So, for some reason I always get these creepy guys talking to me on the train. This one guy on the ride over here looked over at my iPod and I was listening to The Fall, right? And he’s like, ‘That’s an interesting song. It’s like punk, right?’ And so then he pulls out his iPod and starts trying to impress me with his shitty music list.
Alternative guy: What was on it?
Snooty alternative chick: Blink 182 and Good Charlotte and stuff… And it’s like, ‘Um, you’re a guy on the N train who started talking to me, you’re not gonna get in my pants… And you’re especially not gonna get in my pants if you don’t know who The Fall are! That’s totally a prerequisite.’

–Kim’s Video, St. Mark’s Pl

Posted on May 28, 2015
Assholes, Friends, Girls, Guys, iPod, Pick-up Lines, Pickiness, Singing, Store, Talking/Convos

Wednesday One-Liners Are a Social Construct

Angry construction worker to befuddled construction worker: Don't look at me like that! Don't say that to me! Go home and fuck my wife, asshole!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Jumana

Construction working to another: Man, I need to get me a bi girlfriend. She'd be lovin' me, and I'd be lovin' her friends.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Rich R.

Construction worker, singing: If there's a skeeter on your Peter/whack it off! (claps twice)

–Waverly Place & 5th Ave

Overheard by: steph

Tough construction worker, unloading van: Yo, I was up til like 2 am watchin' Scooby Doo Where Are You!

–Humboldt & Withers

Overheard by: francesca

Construction worker, staring up at construction skyscraper: It's all twisted. It's going to come down.

–Williams St

Overheard by: Sonya

Posted on May 23, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Brooklyn, Construction Guys, Coworkers, Gays and Lesbians, Infidelity, Insults, Masturbation, One-liners, Penis, Penn Station, Promiscuity, Relationships, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Sexuality, Singing, Street, The Village, TV, Upper East Side, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners

Another Example of Cultural Duffusion

White female Columbia student (singing in the rain): Let the rain fall down and wake my dreams.
Black heavy male stranger: Let it wash away my sanity.

–114th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: 'cause I wanna feel the thunder I wanna scream

Posted on May 22, 2015
Black People, Default, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Sexuality, Singing, Strangers, Students, White People, Words