Starbucks

Young Mr. Duran Is Just Hungry Like the Wolf

Pretty teen girl #1: Did you know there's a guy in our school who looks exactly like Taylor Lautner?
Pretty teen girl #2: Seriously?
Pretty teen girl #1: Yeah. His name is Alison.
Pretty teen girl #2: Ew. That's such an ugly name!
Pretty teen girl #1: I know. He like, stares… If you turn around and look at him, he's looking at you. All the girls think he's staring at them. You know how all the girls in that group are pretty?
Pretty teen girl #2: I know! It's crazy!

–Starbucks, Chelsea

Overheard by: Katherine Wallace

Watch Teen Mom and See Girls Who Are Both!

Girl #1: Most of my friends are from high school.
Girl #2: Yeah, me too. They're all having babies.
Girl #3: Most of my friends are babies. (to barista) Grande, non-fat, no-whip mocca.

–Starbucks

I Prefer to Think Of Myself As Non-stop Fun

Female tourist: Hey, we're in New York City! We can let our hair down and have fun!
Male tourist: Too bad I'm bald.
Female tourist: Well, you're screwed.

–Starbucks

Wednesday One-Liners Eat at Friendly's

Mother to four-year-old making loud, weird noises in stroller: Will you shut up? See… That's why you don't have any friends.

–Supermarket, Astoria, Queens

Overheard by: George O.

Woman on cell: She put my friendship on the line for a Chanel bag! (pause) So I guess I'm worth like, $600 dollars.

–Starbucks, Astor Place

Overheard by: Kade

Angry woman to man: You had to fuck my friend?! You couldn't think of a better place to put your dick?

–Elevator, 75 Wall St

Overheard by: Jonathan

Seated guy to standing woman: I was out drinking with a friend. Well, less of a friend and more my parole officer…

–L Train

Overheard by: Bradburnside

Suit to woman: I don't believe in friends, ya know?

–22nd & 6th

Overheard by: Edyna

…Because, Personally, I Prefer “Failing at Life.”

Man: So how do you feel now you that you've been fired?
Woman: “Laid off.”
Man: Yeah, whatever you want to call it.

–Starbucks

Just a Couple Of Dudes, Comparing Their Meat.

European: You guys are big on your breakfast.
American: Yeah, not really. Europeans really know how to do breakfast… We don't.
European: I guess. Like we have Polish sausage.

–Starbucks

A Bulgarian Wax Will Pull Your Balkans Off

Heavily accented barista: Vat can I get forrr you?
Customer: I'll have a tall, iced, nonfat latte…I like your accent. Are you from Brazil?
Heavily accented barista: No, I'm from Bulgaria.
Customer: Oh. Is that near Brazil?

–Starbucks

Overheard by: *smacks forehead with hand*

That's Just New York in the Morning, Honey

Little girl: It smells here.
Father: Oh, like what?
Little girl: Like… Coffee… and… the zoo.

–Starbucks

Wednesdays Have Defense Wounds on Their One-Liners

College girl on cell: He told me he got in a knife fight with his dad, and I was like (sarcastic) "Yeah, okay! You got in a knife fight with your dad." (pause) But he probably did get in a knife fight with his dad…

–Columbia University

Girl to friend: Trinity is the school for kids from Choate who stabbed their roommate.

–Clover Club

Overheard by: Emily

Girl to friend: I will cut you in your face with a knife before I put my hands on you. You feel me?

–E 161st St, The Bronx

Hamptons club girl: You mean I cut him with a razor blade and I don't even recognize him?

–Outside East Village Club

Overheard by: DJ

20-something girl, on cell: Oh my god! Who the hell gets stabbed in the back of the head at a flower shop?

–Starbucks

How Is Ordering at Starbucks Like Finishing the Special Forces Obstacle Course, Alex?

Customer: I'd like a venti passion tea lemonade please.
Barista: Sorry, we're out of venti cups.
Customer: Okay, can you just put it in two tall cups then?
Barista: Sure, no problem.
Barista, after ringing up customer: That's $5.98.
Customer: Um, a venti lemonade is $3.55.
Barista: Yes, but you ordered two tall lemonades.

–Starbucks, Queens

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