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Wednesday One-Liners Got Game

Burly guy in cafe: Mind mapping's not a game. It's a reality.

–Ave A & 11th St

Overheard by: Anna P.

Cop to another: Some people play checkers, some people play chess. You, son, you play checkers.

–New Street & Beaver

Black librarian with dreads: In the game, you gotta give the black girl all your stuff, all your valuable stuff. You give it to her to hold and then you take it from her. That's how you get the trophy.

–Bronx Library

Drunk guy in the cafe car: Listen! Just because I'm white doesn't mean I can't play dominoes!

–Acela Train

Overheard by: Someone who can't play dominoes

To Be Fair, What NYC Grade Schooler Needs to Know Accurate Barnyard Noises?

Latino grade school girl #1: Yeah man, and then they act like they don't know when we be hating, cause they gotta act like that, and then they say we be racist and we ain't racist, you're just a dumb white bitch.
Latino grade school girl #2: Yeah, and then they say we racist.
Latino grade school girl #1: She just don't wanna say nothing to me die-reckt-ly cause she knows she'll get hurt.
Latino grade school girl #2: Say it to my face!
Latino grade school girl #1: Yeah, that's what I say, say it to my face! She just chicken.
Latino grade school girl #2: Yeah, she just chicken.
Latino grade school girl #1: Ha ha! Chicken head!
Latino grade school girl #2: Haha, yeaaaaaah girl, chicken head! Quack quack!

–Old Navy Dressing Room, 6th Ave

Overheard by: NoChildLeftBehindDoesntWork

I'd Eat Human Babies If They'd Make My Thighs Look Smaller

Little boy: The Russians eat brains?
Mom, looking at cookbook: This is a French cookbook.
Little boy: The french eat brains?!
Mom: Not human brains. Animals'.
Little boy: That's disgusting!
Mom: Yes, it's very high in cholesterol.

–Barnes & Noble, 86th & Lexington

You Know You're Drunk When the Evening Ends in a Bookstore

Obviously inebriated brunette: So… I'm pretty sure I'm going to die tonight.
Obviously inebriated blonde: Well, if we do, I think I should put up a Facebook status so everyone knows.
Obviously inebriated brunette: I'm pretty sure the tox screen will show it.
(ten seconds later)
Obviously inebriated brunette: Kill me. Oh, wait, no need. I'll be dead in three hours.
Obviously inebriated blonde: Just don't go dying in my bed… that's creepy.
(five seconds later)
Obviously inebriated brunette: Um… did you just burp?
Obviously inebriated blonde: Yeah. Why?
Obviously inebriated brunette: Because it just went up my nose.
Obviously inebriated blonde: Now… that's legendary.

–Barnes & Noble, Midtown

Overheard by: NYLove

…Whatever President Obama May Think

Black gay guy #1: We better get back to class. This shopping can wait for another day.
Black gay guy #2: Class can wait in the name of fashion.

–Clothing Shop, Williamsberg

Wednesday One-Liner Can Be Made Of Ivory, Glass, Rubber and Sometimes Wood

Loud girl to friend: How the hell do you lose your vibrator?

–4th St & 2nd Ave

Guy on cell: Yeah, I'm just waiting in line at Whole Foods. Still want me to bring the dildo over?

–Whole Foods

Gay man to boyfriend: I'm glad we could come here and show your coworkers that we really do buy lube for our sexual adventures.

–The Leather Man

Overheard by: i don't go to sex shops with my boyfriend

Creepy older man on phone: Someone should really dildo her.

–5th Ave & 58th St.

Overheard by: Courtney

Girl, loudly: Why didn't you tell me you bought lube?!

–Crowded NYU Elevator

Overheard by: S

Large woman to group of friends: And if someone asks a question, I just wave a dildo in front of their eyes!

–Brooklyn Museum

Overheard by: Liat

…She's in Between Waxes!

Thugette, calling back friend's toddler: Come here, you drunken monkey!
Child's mother: Don't call her a monkey!

–H&M Fitting Room

That Was a Close One. Too Close.

Cashier: I'm worried I'm going to get pregnant when I least expect it. It's just going to sneak up on me. And, bam! I'm knocked up! You pregnant?
Cashier's friend: No, but my sister is.

–Old Navy, SoHo

You're Gonna Find Out Who Killed Mr. Boddy, and You're Gonna Like It!

Teenage boy #1: Hey, let's go to my house.
Teenage boy #2: Why?
Teenage boy #1: To play a boardgame.
Teenage boy #2: I'm not playing a fucking boardgame!
Teenage boy #1: Yes you are!

–Barnes & Noble

Like Every Good Thing

Boy: Mommy, mommy, I want this! (goes to grab rock candy from bulk candy containers)
Mom: Put that down immediately, it has alcohol in it.

–Dylan's Candy Bar

Overheard by: Ben

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