PetCo employee: If your goldfish dies within the first fifteen days, you can return it for a full refund.
Customer: Do I bring back the corpse?
–Union Square PetCo
Overheard by: Jenny
PetCo employee: If your goldfish dies within the first fifteen days, you can return it for a full refund.
Customer: Do I bring back the corpse?
–Union Square PetCo
Overheard by: Jenny
Man: [Really disgusting burp.]Friend: That’s gross.
Man: That’s not gross. You eat, you shit, you burp, you fart. Welcome to New York, ladies.
–Shop, Chinatown
Girl to friends, while walking past bar: Oh, this is the place I got drunk at, then woke up in Queens.
–40th & 7th
Overheard by: Jesse
Drunk Italian guy, entering uptown NRW station: Uptown and Queens? That’s where all the pussy is!
–23rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Zarek
Middle-aged black woman on phone: I can see all Queens from up in here, nigga. Aw, damn, I can see that Rhode Island shit now.
–Roosevelt Island Tram
Overheard by: Jack Fleming
20-Something hipster girl on cell: Why do you have to get off the phone? You’re eating? Again? You big fat ass… God, I hate Queens.
–Queens Bridge
Overheard by: SL
Conductor over loudspeaker: You are now on the N train running to Queens… Unlike yesterday when I was in Queens running the train on all of youse. Enjoy.
–N Train
Overheard by: Kevin
Voice from dressing room stall: I am at a Sears in Queens. S. O. S.
–Sears, Rego Park, Queens
Overheard by: Ladle
Teen #1: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Teen #2: What the hell are you doing?
Teen #1: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Teen #2: Are you growling?
Teen #1, pointing at the postcards on the wall: Grrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Teen #2: What?
Teen #1: [Retrieves a Lichtenstein print of a dog with the caption “Grr”.] Grrrrrrrr! It started it! Grrrrrr!
Teen #1: I can’t go anywhere with you, can I?
Teen #2, shaking head: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
–Gugenhiem Gift Shop
Overheard by: Hannah C.
Chick #1: I saw A Clockwork Orange this weekend.
Chick #2: What’d you think?
Chick #1: Um… [Long pause.] British men are hot.
–Barnes & Noble
Bossy, fanny-pack-wearing tourist lady: No, no… That map is wrong. We want Broadway and it’s … That way! [Points emphatically toward 8th avenue and storms away.]
–West 47th b/w Broadway & 8th Avenue
Overheard by: tinyfoo
Tourist, whispering to friend: There are a lot of Jewish people in here.
–B&H Photo
Tourist girl: Dad! Look! It’s Times Square! Walk this way.
–Rector St & Broadway
Overheard by: Jax
Tourist lady peering in shop window: Ooooh, calendars! Ooooh, t-shirts! Oh, we’re gonna have to come back here!
–48th & Broadway
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Tourist: Oh honey, look at this purse I bought! It’s a real coach bag and it was so cheap. I bought it on Canal street. You should see all of the Gucci, Prada, and Louis Vuitton they’ve got. I can’t believe you can get the real thing for so cheap.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Johanna
Tourist, in disbelief: People are buying shoes at 11 o’clock at night!
–33rd & Seventh
Overheard by: Gasp!
Girl, handing phone to gay Asian friend: Here, talk to John.
Gay Asian friend: Hi, John… Are you naked? [pause] What? You are naked? In this weather?! Damn, man, your thing must be as small as a peanut by now!
–Borders Bookstore, 100th & Broadway
Overheard by: Stunned and literate
Tacky girl #1: These shoes are too cute! [Points to a pair of shiny, patent leather heels.] Aren’t they totally cute?
Tacky girl #2: Yeah. So cute.
Tacky girl #1: So great… They’re like shiny little spider claws!
–Clothing Boutique, Greenwich Village
Overheard by: Amy
Dreadlocked sales clerk: What I need is a bronze princess.
Latina sales clerk: I’m bronze.
Dreadlocked sales clerk: Yeah, but you ain’t a princess.
–Billionaire Boys Club, SoHO
Overheard by: Russ Wall
Little boy: Dad, can I get a sucker?
Dad: No.
Little boy: Please dad? Why not?
Dad: Suckers are for girls.
–Target Shopping Center
Overheard by: Alaina
