Wednesday One-Liners Are for Keeping Airports in

Girl to friends, while walking past bar: Oh, this is the place I got drunk at, then woke up in Queens.

–40th & 7th

Overheard by: Jesse

Drunk Italian guy, entering uptown NRW station: Uptown and Queens? That’s where all the pussy is!

–23rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Zarek

Middle-aged black woman on phone: I can see all Queens from up in here, nigga. Aw, damn, I can see that Rhode Island shit now.

–Roosevelt Island Tram

Overheard by: Jack Fleming

20-Something hipster girl on cell: Why do you have to get off the phone? You’re eating? Again? You big fat ass… God, I hate Queens.

–Queens Bridge

Overheard by: SL

Conductor over loudspeaker: You are now on the N train running to Queens… Unlike yesterday when I was in Queens running the train on all of youse. Enjoy.

–N Train

Overheard by: Kevin

Voice from dressing room stall: I am at a Sears in Queens. S. O. S.

–Sears, Rego Park, Queens

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on May 28, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Italians, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, NYC Geography, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Queens, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Sexuality, Store, Subway conductors, Women

Cesar Millan: Jeez, I Don’t Know What to Do

Teen #1: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Teen #2: What the hell are you doing?
Teen #1: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Teen #2: Are you growling?
Teen #1, pointing at the postcards on the wall: Grrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Teen #2: What?
Teen #1: [Retrieves a Lichtenstein print of a dog with the caption “Grr”.] Grrrrrrrr! It started it! Grrrrrr!
Teen #1: I can’t go anywhere with you, can I?
Teen #2, shaking head: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

–Gugenhiem Gift Shop

Overheard by: Hannah C.

Posted on May 27, 2008
Animals & Nature, Default, Etiquette, Museums, Questions, Store, Teens, Upper East Side, Weirdness, Words

Too Bad Kubrick Could Only Be Truly Understood After His Death

Chick #1: I saw A Clockwork Orange this weekend.
Chick #2: What’d you think?
Chick #1: Um… [Long pause.] British men are hot.

–Barnes & Noble

Posted on May 27, 2008
Beauty, Compliments, Default, Foreigners, Girls, Movies, Questions, Sexuality, Store

Wednesday One-Liners Keep Our City Afloat (Unfortunately)

Bossy, fanny-pack-wearing tourist lady: No, no… That map is wrong. We want Broadway and it’s … That way! [Points emphatically toward 8th avenue and storms away.]

–West 47th b/w Broadway & 8th Avenue

Overheard by: tinyfoo

Tourist, whispering to friend: There are a lot of Jewish people in here.

–B&H Photo

Tourist girl: Dad! Look! It’s Times Square! Walk this way.

–Rector St & Broadway

Overheard by: Jax

Tourist lady peering in shop window: Ooooh, calendars! Ooooh, t-shirts! Oh, we’re gonna have to come back here!

–48th & Broadway

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Tourist: Oh honey, look at this purse I bought! It’s a real coach bag and it was so cheap. I bought it on Canal street. You should see all of the Gucci, Prada, and Louis Vuitton they’ve got. I can’t believe you can get the real thing for so cheap.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Johanna

Tourist, in disbelief: People are buying shoes at 11 o’clock at night!

–33rd & Seventh

Overheard by: Gasp!

Posted on May 21, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Directions, Fashion, Friends, Girls, Judaism, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Shoes, Shopping, Store, Stupidity, Time, Times Square, Tourism, Tourists, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wishes & desires, Women

Be Sure to Take Pictures for Me!

Girl, handing phone to gay Asian friend: Here, talk to John.
Gay Asian friend: Hi, John… Are you naked? [pause] What? You are naked? In this weather?! Damn, man, your thing must be as small as a peanut by now!

–Borders Bookstore, 100th & Broadway

Overheard by: Stunned and literate

Posted on May 20, 2008
Asians, Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Girls, On Cell, Penis, Queer guys, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Store, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weather

But the Arachnid Look Was Kinda Last-Season

Tacky girl #1: These shoes are too cute! [Points to a pair of shiny, patent leather heels.] Aren’t they totally cute?
Tacky girl #2: Yeah. So cute.
Tacky girl #1: So great… They’re like shiny little spider claws!

–Clothing Boutique, Greenwich Village

Overheard by: Amy

Posted on May 18, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Friends, Girls, Insects, Shoes, Store, The Village

So You Don’t Countess

Dreadlocked sales clerk: What I need is a bronze princess.
Latina sales clerk: I’m bronze.
Dreadlocked sales clerk: Yeah, but you ain’t a princess.

–Billionaire Boys Club, SoHO

Overheard by: Russ Wall

Posted on May 18, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Compare/Contrast, Coworkers, Default, Girls, Guys, Latinos, Offers and requests, Soho, Store, Wishes & desires

I Blame Shirley Temple

Little boy: Dad, can I get a sucker?
Dad: No.
Little boy: Please dad? Why not?
Dad: Suckers are for girls.

–Target Shopping Center

Overheard by: Alaina

Posted on May 15, 2008
Boys, Dads, Default, Food, Gender issues, Kids, Offers and requests, Parents, Questions, Store, Wishes & desires

Youth Is Wasted On The Wednesday One-Liner

Teen dude: You just can’t be tall and survive on a mountain!

–Halloween Adventure, 11th St & 4th Ave

Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.

Teenage boy: Girls are so lucky… They can feel themselves up whenever they want.

–LIRR

High school girl: I said to her: "What they call you?" … And she said, "TND". And I said, "’TND’?, What’s ‘TND’"? And she said "Top Notch Diva". [Howls with laughter.] She said "Top notch". Nobody say "Top notch"… That was like, last summer… Top notch… [laughs and snickers] and then she say: "What they call you?" and I said "BB"… "Betta bills". [Howls with laughter.]

–#1 Train

Teen boy, with a sigh: Sometimes the world just isn’t as shiny as you want it to be.

–42nd St

Teenager to Mexican friend: Don’t make me call immigration on you.

–Q train, to 57th st

Overheard by: LoRna

Teen: I like the beginning part of the Dido song "Thank you", you know, the depressing part, because I can relate to it. Well, aside from the parts about missing the bus because I have a car and paying bills because my parents do that for me.

–Union Square

Overheard by: UCB

Posted on May 14, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Cars and Driving, Compare/Contrast, Death, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Height, Masturbation, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Music, Nicknames & name calling, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Store, Teens, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Wishes & desires, Words

Store