It's Not Delivery– It's Wednesday One-Liner!

Student: A lot more people would definitely vote if there was free pizza at polling places.

–Queens College

Overheard by: Suze

Hipster: Papa John's makes me want to have Aids.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson

Drunk person: Hey! This isn't the original Ray's!

–Ray's Pizza

Overheard by: Darwin

Girl to friend: So you only need a slice of pizza to get you wet?

–Slaughtered Lamb Pub

Overheard by: sinko

Old dude carrying blue plastic bag to pigeon: Pizza! My darling! Pizza! My pizza!

–9th St & 1st Ave

Hobo to passers-by: You need a dog! Don't eat the pizza, you will get fat!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Lily

Posted on July 1, 2009
Advice, AIDS, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Birds, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Fakes, Free stuff!, Friends, Girls, Hipsters, Hobos, Man's Best Friend, Old People, One-liners, Physical appearance, Pizza, Politics, Queens, Queens College, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Strangers, Street, Students, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Wishes & desires

Nor the Laws Of Time and Space

Tourist #1, looking at subway exits: North side or south side?
Tourist #2: What's the difference?
Tourist #1: Well north is north…and south is south.
(both look from one exit to the next and look at each other)
Passing New Yorker: Are you going uptown or downtown?
Tourist #1, thinking: Hmmmm….west.
New yorker: West of 8th…but uptown or downtown? West side of what street?
Tourist #1: Hmm… West side of…23rd Street?
New Yorker, walking away: You don't know what the hell you're doing.

–23rd St

Posted on June 28, 2009
Directions, NYC Geography, Questions, Strangers, Street, Stupidity, Tourism, Tourists

Even 21 Jump?

Woman pointing south: What street is that way?
Man: Um, all of them.

–Central Park Mall

Posted on June 4, 2009
Central Park, Directions, Men, Parks, Philosophy, Questions, Strangers, Women

The Very Definition Of a Good Dog

Random passerby to man whose bulldog is urinating in garbage bag: He's a good dog!
Dog owner: Yes, he is!
Random passerby: Be careful, though, he could kill you.
Dog owner: Oh, he totally could.

–11th St & Ave A

Overheard by: Nina

Posted on May 29, 2009
Advice, Alphabet City, Compliments, Man's Best Friend, Murder, Strangers

Wouldn't You Find That Symbolically Disturbing?

20-something: Well, what are we going to do tonight if the movie is sold out?
Black comedy slinger, overhearing: See a comedy show!
20-something: No, that's okay.
Black comedy slinger: It's cool, I never killed anyone.
20-something: We're alright.
Black comedy slinger: And I love white people.
20-something: We're not tourists…
Black comedy slinger: Oh, okay. Want a piggyback ride?

–44th & Broadway

Overheard by: Robert B

Posted on May 26, 2009
Black People, Film, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murder, Questions, Race, Strangers, Theater & Dance, Tourism, Vendors & Street Performers, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

…He Does Want Extra Cheese.

Old guy on mountain bike: (makes Chewbacca-like noise into the service window of a pizzeria)
Unseen person across the street: (same noise)
Old guy on bike to pizzeria worker: See?

–5th Ave, Sunset Park

Overheard by: B. Clothman

Posted on May 19, 2009
Clerks, Movies, Old People, Sensory Experiences, Strangers, Weirdness

For When the Interviewer Asks Why They Should Hire Me

Passenger to Asian girl carrying strange bag: Is that a didgeridoo in your bag?
Asian girl: Excuse me?
Passenger: Is that a didgeridoo in you bag?
Asian girl: Oh no, it's my sword.

–Elevator, 39th St

Overheard by: Baby Dinosaur

Posted on May 17, 2009
Asians, Elevators, Instruments, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Passengers, Questions, Strangers, Weapons

Will Work for Wednesday One-Liners

Middle-aged woman: My work is better than my personality, honestly.

–40th b/w Park & Madison

Overheard by: Jim

Girl on cell: But you don't speak English or Spanish good. Baby, you just aren't that smart, how you supposed to get a job?

–Baskin & Robbins Downtown

Conductor: I really don't give a damn whether or not you stand clear of the closing doors, because regardless of where we go I'm still working.

–1 Train

Overheard by: gefilte fish junkie

Hobo, arguing with another: Don't talk to me like I'm yo' job.

–Harlem

Overheard by: Emily

Whiny lady on cell: Yeah, so I think I am allergic to my office. (pause) Oh, no, no, I am positive I am allergic to something in the office. Every time I am in there, sitting in my chair, I get these pains in my back.

–41st St & Park Ave

Overheard by: you still have a job, ungrateful lady!

Hobo to passers-by: Where are you all going? There ain't no jobs.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Jillian