Woman on bus: Hey, when are we gonna leave here–Christmas?
Driver: Lady, hold on.
Man on bus: He's probably watchin' porn.
Woman on bus: Yeah, stop beatin' your meat.
Driver: I'm waiting for my supervisor to give me the go-ahead.
Woman: Well, I'm gonna miss the ferry, so tell your stupidvisor I don't want to miss the ferry.
Driver: Did you just call him a stupidvisor?
–Chamber St. Shuttle to South Ferry
Overheard by: Jon
Upper West Side wife #1: He thinks I can operate this household on $25,000 a month–that bastard better get a better job.
Upper West Side wife #2: Yeah, really, he needs to get his shit together.
–83rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Mike
20-something hipster to another, admiring long-legged blonde: How can you say you believe in evolution?! There is no way that that evolved from a monkey!
–1st Ave & 14th
Overheard by: Evolutionary
Little boy to brother: If I were a monkey, I'd take a crap on you.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Rebecca
Man on cell: Then Tim-Jim jerked him off with his feet. Only a monkey can do that!
–Bedford & Metropolitan
Overheard by: theeatenpath
Middle aged man pushing daughter's stroller: I can't believe she got Curious George's autograph!
–16th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Maquaid
Ghetto Latina: He's so fucking stupid! This morning I kissed him goodbye and said “you're my world.” and he goes “why you gotta be so dramatic?” Like, what the fuck?
Ghetto black friend: Damn!
–Houston & Hudson
Overheard by: Suit
Fashion girl #1, on 9/11: Did you see the two large lights in the sky?
Fashion girl #2: Yeah, crazy, right? I think they put them up for Fashion Week.
–King & Varick
Asian NYU freshman: I still can't get over how many gay couples there are here! Especially when you see the black ones.
Naive friend: Really? That must be so weird.
Asian NYU freshman: Yeah, it is! I'm like, “Black people are supposed to be all ghetto, and cool!”
–Union Square
Overheard by: Really??
Woman: Well, I'm concerned about foreign policy.
Man: Of course, you can make anything into a foreign policy issue. The environment… foreign policy… What does that even mean?
–Sweet Melissa, Brooklyn
Subway voice: The next stop is Bleecker Street.
English tourist #1: Bleecker Street? What's next? Unhappiness Street? Miserable Street? Depression Street?
English tourist #2: Suicide Lane. That's what's next. Now there's a one-way street…
–Uptown 6 Train
Overheard by: Percival Under Cover
Tourist, loudly and proudly: They have this store at the mall!
–Louis Vuitton, 5th Ave
College girl: The second floor was pointless. It was, like, just furniture.
–Ikea, Brooklyn
Woman on cell: I'm not in a store! I know what a store looks like!
–Tompkins Square Park
Perturbed NYU chick, about New Orleans: Hopefully I will survive there for two years. They don't have H&M! Or Bloomingdale's or Anthropologie. They don't have Loehmann's…
–NYU Office
Overheard by: Melanie
Middle-aged guy passing clothing store with shirtless male models at front doors: Hollister? What is it, a ladies club inside?
–NoHo
Overheard by: Arielle
20-something Midwestern actress type transplant #1: Yeah, I was told by one of my drama teachers once, way back in school, that I had the “passion and commitment to theater” that Hitler had.
(five-second pause)
20-something Midwestern actress type transplant #2: Wow!
20-something Midwestern actress type transplant #1: No, it wasn't a compliment, she didn't like me very much.
–Chinese Restaurant, Astoria
