No Meal Is Complete Without Wednesday One-Liner!

Suit: Guess what he found. (pause) A stick of butter. (pause) In the soap dish of the bathtub upstairs.

–Cafe Toda, Broadway & John St

Loud teenage boy: They're completely uncivilized. They don't even use tomato sauce.

–Japan Society

Overheard by: Sunny

Student, about dorm room: I walk in and thought there was a pile of shit on my bed. I look a little closer, and it was a fucking wad of dip.

–College, The Bronx

Student to another: Who made you the butter police?

–Union & 7th Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Lauren Razzore

Posted on October 21, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, College, Cops, Food, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, More museums, One-liners, Poop, Questions, Smoking, Street, Students, Stupidity, Suits, Teens, The Bronx, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Meet the Fail Whale

50-something man to friends: Have you heard about Twitter? It's a new way of communicating in short text messages. Each message is called a twoo… No, a tween. No, a twain. No, a twat… No, that's certainly not it.

–Lobby, Off Broadway Theater

Overheard by: another electric guy

Guy with iPhone: I have to twitter! Does the girl with the room above the high line know she's topless?

–The High Line

Woman, while waiting for film to start: Joan Rivers just tweeted.

–Chelsea Clearview Cinemas

Guy on cell: All those food trucks? I'm not into them, but those fucking homosexuals follow them on twitter.

–Waverly Place & MacDougal

Overheard by: Sally

Unassuming hipster with group of girl friends: Sometimes I drink just so I can tweet drunk.

–Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Middle aged woman dressed like a teen, hitting on baseball fan: Your cat could definitely have a twitter page.

–F Train

Posted on October 21, 2009
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Friends, Gay Man's Best Friend, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Internet, Men, Movie Theaters, Nudity, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Questions, Rack, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Theater, Wednesday One-Liners, Williamsburg, Women, Words

How About If You Walk Me Over There, Chulalongkorn?

Girl: My friend is at the passenger pick-up area. Where is that?
Airport worker: The passenger pick-up is where the passenger is picked up.
Girl: Yeah, where is it?
Airport worker: At the passenger pick-up.

–La Guardia Airport

Overheard by: Joe

Posted on October 20, 2009
Airports, Clerks, Directions, Girls, LaGuardia Airport, Questions, Stupidity

If I'm Gonna Puke, It'll Be Because I'm Bulimic, Y'know?

Pretty girl #1: That's why I picked my roommate before college. I wanted to make sure she wasn't fat. I mean, what am I supposed to say? “You have to wear clothing at all times in the room cause I don't wanna puke?”
Pretty girl #2: Ew!

–Chinese-American Take Out, Ave C

Posted on October 20, 2009
Alphabet City, Clothing, Diet/Weight, Girls, Physical appearance, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, Vomit, Wishes & desires

You Mean, Like, Over IM?

NYU student to friends: Let's exchange ideas and have, like, a discussion.
Stoop-warming friends: (laugh)
NYU student, annoyed: No, like, for real.

–University Place & 8th

Overheard by: SK

Posted on October 20, 2009
Friends, Laughter, Offers and requests, Philosophy, Students, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village

Or Suffocated in Their Polyester Jumpers

Girl, drawing: Should her shoes be open-toed or close-toed?
Boy: Close-toed. Like ballet shoes.
Girl, seriously: You mean platform ballet shoes?
Boy: There's no such thing as platform ballet shoes. You can't do ballet in platforms. This is why disco died, Anne. Everybody fell over.

–Midtown

Overheard by: Sunny

Posted on October 16, 2009
Boys, Dancing, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Shoes, Stupidity

Psh, Like Wendy's Is Kosher

Cashier: What would you like to order?
Tween: A cheeseburger.
Cashier: Do you want cheese on that cheeseburger?

–Wendy's

Overheard by: Chelsea

Posted on October 15, 2009
Cashiers, Junk Food & Fast Food, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, Tweens, Wishes & desires

We're Not Even Tourists

Girl #1: That's a tourist bus!
Girl #2: Yeah, well… we're tourists!
Girl #1, after long sigh: We're from Long Island!

–E 14 St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: holly

Posted on October 15, 2009
Girls, Public Transportation, Stupidity, Tourism, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-Liners Have a Breakthrough

Employee: They tryin' to tell me I'm bipolar. I ain't bipolar; I just a overprotective parent.

–Chock Full o' Nuts, W 86th St

Overheard by: Emily B.

Calm woman: The thing about being a therapist is that, well, you're just a band-aid.

–W 3rd St

Dude, introducing himself: So, uh, my therapist thinks I'm ready to start dating again.

–F Train

Overheard by: Jenny

Eight-year-old with older man to cashier: He's not my father, he's my therapist.

–Deli, Upper West Side

Posted on October 14, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cashiers, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Delis, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Men, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Psychology, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners for T

Announcer: There is a downtown b as in "brothel" train approaching 81st Street. That's right. Brothel.

–81st St Station

Angry hobo, after receiving no money: Well, fine, screw you all! The reason you ain't giving me anything is cause no of y'all speak English. They should call this the "e" for "immigrant" train.

–E Train

Overheard by: Matt

Dude outside bar at happy hour: He expects me to be a BFF. But I'm just a bf… No, I'm just an f.

–9th Ave & 56th St

Overheard by: K Melv

Businesswoman on cell: No… the letter s… "s" as in "shot."

–Madison Square Park

Crazy woman to herself: My mom always called me "a" because, when I was little, really little, like before I could talk, I would sing "a a a a a a" over and over. And that was the joke, that I knew the first letter of the alphabet. (shrugs)

–S79 Bus

Little kid, singing alphabet song: A – b – c – d – h – i – v!

–M102 Bus

Posted on October 14, 2009
AIDS, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bus, Clerks, Crazies, Friendship, Guys, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, Kids, Language Barrier, Madison Square Garden, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Panhandling, Parents, Parks, Public Transportation, Singing, Street, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Suits, Wednesday One-Liners, Women, Words

Stupidity