Thugette: I just want to go some place where I feel comfortable.
Thug: I just want to go some place where I can piss on you.
–East Village
Overheard by: r. kelly
Thugette: I just want to go some place where I feel comfortable.
Thug: I just want to go some place where I can piss on you.
–East Village
Overheard by: r. kelly
Boy thug #1: He’s like five foot twelve.
Boy thug #2: Dude, that’s six foot.
Boy thug #1: Wait, five foot twelve is six foot?
Boy thug #3: Yes.
Boy thug #1: Five foot twelve is six foot?!
Boy thug #2: You’re in height denial.
–N train
Overheard by: Mathematical Genius
Girl to friend passed out on stoop: Michelle! Michelle! I’ma take your picture for your MySpace page! Throw up again!
–University & E 9th St
Overheard by: Thompson
Chick: It’s not like I miss my parents or anything, but it’s just that the toilets here are so gross to throw up in.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Mark Jochens
Vomiting thugette: I don’t even know what that is… Oh, God, that’s pizza!
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: traPt
Cute chick: I was way too drunk to do anything but have sex, throw up a pizza burger, and take a shower… in that order.
–The Black Sheep, 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Argopelter
Student to another: I dunno… All I heard is that he threw up all over his daughter’s teacher!
–Mercer University
Overheard by: J Dawg
Conductor: Hey, here’s a novel idea — if you have to vomit, vomit on yourself! Not on the ground, on yourself!
–LIRR
Overheard by: Dave
Grad student chick: Yoda is not a relative. He’s little and green.
–NYU
12-year-old boy: I’m in a grey area right now as to whether Santa exists or not. I need more evidence.
–E 20th St
Overheard by: Dia
Customer to cashier: Frodo, it’s been real.
–Barnes & Noble, 18th & 5th
Overheard by: I Am McLovey
Thug: You know what, nigga? I think all them zombies are racist mothafuckahs. You notice they always eat the brotha first? What are we, covered in mothafuckin’ chocolate? Do I look like a fondue fountain? That’s some bullshit.
–189th & Bathgate
Overheard by: Lyle
Hobo, in false British accent: Of all the dimensions in the universe, I had to end up in this one! New York — filthy, dirty, grimy. Greatest city in the world? Bah! I could have been fighting dragons with Merlin, but no! I had to end up here!
–6 train
Black guy: Excuse me, brotha, may I borrow your phone for two minutes?
Old man: Sure.
Black guy, on phone: Wassup, baby? I’m on the line for the liquor store right now… What the fuck you mean ‘What line’? The line to get into the fuckin’ liquor store! … I said, the fuckin’ line fo’ the fuckin’ liquor store! You fuckin’ retarded? I said the fuckin’– Oh, okay. [Hangs up, handing the phone back] She already got the liquor!
–Outside liquor store, Webster Ave
Thug #1 seeing thugette across the intersection: Oh, shit! That bitch sucked my dick!
Thug #2, yelling across street: Nice job, Lacy!
–32nd & 7th
Girl yelling to friend across street: Hey, guess what? I smelled it! I smelled it from here!
–Fordham University
Blonde on cell: So, I just took my hair down, and all I smelled was Dove and crack.
–JFK
Overheard by: spanky
Man to no one: It smells like my ex-wife in here!
–Highline Ballroom
Hootchie on cell: No joke — it smelled ripe down there. I be all, ‘Jimmy… D-A-M-N! I’m too busy gagging from the smell to gag on your bits.’
–W Broadway
Girl crying on cell to boyfriend: How could you fuck her?! Her pussy stinks!
–Union Square
Overheard by: SplendidConfusion
Thug on cell: Yo, I’m sure she smells better now, bro!
–Harlem Meer, Central Park
Overheard by: mj
Thug dad to toddler after bumping stroller down stairs: I call that there ride ‘The Earthquake.’ You like that? … Well, see, you’re too young to appreciate the magnitude of what just happened.
–A train
Overheard by: Stephie
Ghetto mom to seven-year-old kid: You don’t know how to hustle! You ain’t no hustler, she ain’t no hustler… No hustlin’.
–137th & Broadway
Overheard by: should she be saying that to a 7 year old?
Mom to eight-year-old daughter: This is not about apostrophes! This is about verbal agreement!
–F train at Broadway-Lafayette
Mom to son climbing on ferry railing: You wanna jump? I’ll throw you. Then I ain’t gotta buy you no Power Ranger.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: autumn
Mother to three-year-old trailing behind: Stay close, baby, you know how ferry men like to take little boys.
–Whitehall Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Overheard by: Ryn
Mom: Boy, don’t you listen? I swear, I will tear your ass up on this bus in front of everyone if you don’t behave. [Kid ignores her, and mom pulls out cell.] Fine, I’ll call Santa on yo’ misbehavin’ ass.
–BX 21 bus
Woman holding child’s hand: You’re my daughter, right? Okay, good.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Nervous
Gangsta #1: You guys have any weed?
White hippie: No, sorry. We have some booze coming soon, though.
Gangsta #2: Booze? What the hell?
Gangsta #1: Drinks, you dumbass… [To hippie] That’s cool, that’s cool.
White hippie: Have a good one!
–Central Park
Overheard by: LSB
Thug #1: Did you know her before?
Thug #2: That’s the thing — I just friend-requested her on MySpace the day before the party.
Thug #1 and #3, in unison: True love, nigga.
–McDonald’s, 33rd & 7th
