Chick: Oh, yeah, you were gonna call your mom.
Dude: I was?
Chick: Yeah — about your sister.
Dude: Oh, yeah. What did you want me to ask her?
–Union Square
Overheard by: The Antithesis
Chick: Oh, yeah, you were gonna call your mom.
Dude: I was?
Chick: Yeah — about your sister.
Dude: Oh, yeah. What did you want me to ask her?
–Union Square
Overheard by: The Antithesis
Teen girl, despairingly: If they ever find out a way to bring people back to life, I’m going to kill myself!
–14th St Subway Platform
Overheard by: yoncto
Blonde on cell: Don’t send me stupid things about how you want to stab yourself in the heart. It’s inconsiderate.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
Hipster: I’m so stressed out right now; if I was going to NYU, I would’ve jumped out of a building.
–City College
Overheard by: Damn Right!
Guy on cell: You took them with alcohol? [Pause.] Wait, let me get this straight, you took all of them, then you got drunk? Yeah dude, that is just suicide.
–Elevator, Saks Fifth Ave
Old waitress: Were you here the time Jimmy crucified himself?
–Manhattan Restaurant, Greenpoint
Overheard by: chris
Disgruntled Latina to friend: And I told her bitch: "Kill yourself, you don’t even know how to smoke right!"
–4 Train
Queer to hipster chick: Honey, you’re not a hipster! … I’m sorry I said that.
–New School University
Overheard by: smoon
Hobo: Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. I’m sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if you could help me out. If you could give me just one penny, I’d really appreciate it. [Yuppie woman hands him a quarter.] I asked for one penny. You gave me 24 cents too much [hands the quarter back and walks away].
–Brooklyn-bound F train
Conservatively-dressed lady: I’m so sorry! My birth canal was showing!
–Atlantic Ave & Clinton St
Overheard by: amalthya & schizo
Dude on cell: I didn’t know you wanted to become priest… What?! You have to go through all that shit just to be a deacon?! My god! … Sorry man, I didn’t mean it like that…
–Union Square
Man on cell: I’m sorry, but I’m in New Jersey right now… When? Okay, Monday night… Of course I’ll be there, you have my word.
–M14 bus, Ave A
Lady suit: Now I am totally sorry I stalked you — it was so not worth the effort.
–47-50 Rockefeller Center train station
Overheard by: SandmanEsq
Girl #1: I love Alex’s toes. They are like little bulbous fingers.
Girl #2: Oh my god, you would love Susan’s toes…
–16th St & Union Square West
Woman on cell: Well what did you expect? Did you think you could just go into the subway and get a million bucks playing your guitar?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Domi
Queer: Where does Dusty work?
Girl: At a church by Spring Street.
Queer: What does he do?
Girl: He’s an administrative assistant.
Queer: An administrative assistant to God?
–Union Square
Blonde coed: After he finished yelling at me for a solid ten minutes, he's like, "So, do you want to be my girlfriend?"
–3rd Ave & 11th St
Overheard by: simon
Middle school girl to boy: I don't normally get with sixth graders, but you're different…
–10th St & 1st Ave
Woman on cell: You are not listening to me. (pause) When you say whatever it is you're bitching about', I know that you are not actually listening to me.
–Riverside Park
Guy on cell: I don't treat you quite as bad as you say.
–Amtrak
Overheard by: Flooey
Boyfriend, about girlfriend enthusiastically cheering on Colbert: Why don't you scream like that for me?
–The Colbert Report Set
Party girl to friend: So I asked my priest, and he said "I think you should see other people."
–Park Ave & 29th St
Overheard by: petey
Girl #1: Taxi! Taxi! Arrrgh!
Girl #2: Oh, oh, here, it’s stopping. Oh, wait, no, it’s not.
Girl #3: Did he just honk at us? That was, like, a whirlwind of emotion.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Leslie G.
Short thug, holding baby, yelling at indie girl outside deli: My baby don't like you! Don't you ever come near my baby again! She thinks you got a ugly face!
–176th & Broadway
Overheard by: emily d.
Older woman to young couple proudly pushing baby stroller: That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!
–2nd Ave & 10th St
Tourist to another: I thought New York was supposed to be filled with good-looking people. My god, everyone here is so ugly!
–Midtown Bar
Husband to wife: Why do we always get ugly German nannies? Always! Why?
–Broadway & 13th St
Girl: Don't let her drink after midnight. Make her go home. Are you listening to me? Don't let her drink after midnight!
Man: Am I supposed to keep her away from sunlight and not get her wet either?
Girl: What? What are you? Fine! You get the deal with her mess!
–15th St & Union Square East
Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson
