Female punk: I don’t give a shit! I’m not wearing a long, white fucking dress at the wedding!
Male punk: But every woman in my family wears that dress!
Female punk: I’m wearing something short and tight, and if the priest doesn’t like it, he can suck my dick!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Mateo que Feo
Suit #1: Yeah, there were three Korean chicks making out. And I was making out with two other dudes!
Suits #2 & #3: Nice!
–Outside Bar, East Village
Cute chick on cell: If the Amish can do it, so can you. [Pause, then louder.] If the Amish can do it, so can you!
–113th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Lady on cell: You tell my momma to get her ass to church and stop sinning!
–Grand Concourse, 205th St.
Overheard by: LSB
Black guy to another: Go to the Catholic church, cracka. They got good drugs.
–11th & A
Middle Eastern man: I believe in Islam and Allah, but I drink, I smoke, and I fuck. When I stop doing those things, then I’ll pray.
–C Train
Overheard by: Mark
Thug: I totally invented the Chuck Norris religion.
–Queens Mall
Overheard by: LSB
NYU guy #1: You know it's impossible to swallow a whole teaspoon of cinnamon?
NYU guy #2: Wait, why not?
NYU guy #1: Because it accumulates into clumps and dries up your mouth.
NYU guy #2: Oh, cinnamon! I thought you said “semen.” I was going to be like “Yes you can!”
–3rd Ave & 11th St
Pushy black woman to employee standing next to portrait studio samples: The next time I come in here, I want to see my daughter's picture up here, because she is beautiful.
–K-Mart, 34th St
Overheard by: EthanK
Guy: There were some pictures taken, involving, like, my penis and Caleb's penis and five other guys.
–4th St & 2nd Ave
Girl: Food is overrated, let's just take a picture and leave.
–100th St & Broadway
Hipster punk girl on phone: Hello? (pause) No, but I know a girl if you're looking. She also puts jelly on her toes. (pause) Who? I once sold a semi-nude photo of myself at an art show once. I think Brendan has a copy of it… no one would ever pay to see my feet. But again, I ask, who were you talking to? (pause) Dave was under the impression that I sold pictures of my extremities for money? That's awesome! I'm going to send him a picture of my elbow!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Ayenbird
Guy: The more bodies, the more pictures. That's what I always say.
–14th St & 7th Ave
Bike messenger #1: Education is so fucking overrated. Honestly, the worst mistake I ever made.
Bike messenger #2: Uhhh…
Bike messenger #1: Serious fucking waste of time.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Neilium
Woman: Are these Japanese dolls?
Employee: Yes.
Woman: Oh, are you Japanese?
Employee: No.
Woman: Are you sure?
–Union Square
Woman walking into apartment building: Why did I get stuck carrying the bag of butt plugs?
–Greenpoint Ave
Hot girl on cell: You won't die if you get stabbed by a dildo. (pause) Well, even if it was a hooker. What did you drink?
–Cook St & Bushwick Ave
Overheard by: cameo
Homie on BlackBerry; No, no, peep this, I said "cock ring" and she says, "like the guy from the OJ trial?" I'm dead serious!
–Rockafeller Plaza
Attractive 20-something to friend: Got hit with a sex toy!
–Pillow Fight, Union Square
Overheard by: Anna P.
Girl to four friends: And then I saw my old wooden dildo. It was wooden!
–37th St & 8th Ave
20-something girl: This is the most exciting thing to happen today! And that's saying something, considering today was a day that included buying sex toys!
–Topshop
Obnoxious NYU girl to friends: Ew! He passed and was like “damn, look at that ass on that white girl!”
Ghetto man, passing by: Psh–what ass?
–Union Square
Lady: When you look in the mirror you should feel excited, not tolerant!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Stinerz
