Girl, giving food to hobo: Hey, do you want this?
Hobo: Yeah, thanks! Wait, does it have shellfish in it?
–16th St & 3rd Ave
Girl, giving food to hobo: Hey, do you want this?
Hobo: Yeah, thanks! Wait, does it have shellfish in it?
–16th St & 3rd Ave
Guy to girl: Yeah, the reason I never wanted to drive drunk in high school is cause I didn't want to scratch my car.
Girl: Well, that's shouldn't be the only reason!
Guy: Oh, for sure–but it was a pretty sweet ride.
–62nd St & Lexington
Gay guy: Oh, I just realized I took Tyler's phone this morning.
Straight guy: That's what happens when you and your boyfriend get identical phones.
Gay guy: Brilliant idea–I'm going to text him now, and his name will come up in the caller id. I'll pretend to be him from the future and start making dire predictions.
(his phone beeps) Dammit, he noticed. I just got a text from Van-from-the-future.
Straight guy: You guys are an oddly perfect couple.
–87th St & 3rd Ave
Guy: That was a great blowjob.
Girl: You're still gonna fuck me, right?
Guy: Not tonight… I have to go home and buy some chicken for dinner.
–E 74th St & 1st Ave
Young woman, in whiny nasal voice, about man next to her: Rich, you should wear the Pac Man costume this weekend, and get totally drunk!
Male voice coming out of yellow Pac Man mouth: Yeah.
–71st St b/w 1st & 2nd
Girlfriend to fiance, while shaking ring off of finger: Look, my ring is getting too big again. Am I losing weight?
Fiance: You're losing weight and I'm losing interest in you.
–E 95th St
Overheard by: Sarah
Smoking guy: Yeah, well, fuck you!
Woman walking away: No, fuck you!
Smoking guy: Yeah, who do you work for?
Woman, still walking: You know who I work for? Your dick!
–2nd Ave & 62nd St
Father to two toddlers walking with mommy: So your mother offered to take me to The Standard for our anniversary, where we'd pose naked in the windows for all to see. I told your mommy I'm game… Afterwards we'll sell the pictures in Australia, how's that sound?
–23rd St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: geedee
Hipster, on being mugged: So I'm in the ambulance, but instead of feeling bad about it I took a picture of myself and put it on Twitter.
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Girl on cell: Just take nude photos of yourself. Go home. Take off your clothes, stand in front of a mirror, and take pictures.
–23rd St
Slutty-looking hipster chick on phone: My ex boyfriend said that he googled me and found naked pics of me.
–4th Ave & 86th St
Overheard by: bay ridge bitch
Annoying teen girl: He said "You know Limp Bizkit? Well, this is limp dick!" And he sent me a picture of his soft penis and I died laughing on the street!
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Wallflower
Guy #1: So the entrance to my apartment is on the other side. This side is a Pilates studio. Guess who comes here all the time.
Guy #2: Who?
Guy #1: Woody Allen and his wife.
Guy #2: His wife?
Guy #1: Yeah, you know… his daughter.
–76th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Echo
Upper East Side crone: I just came back from Sudan, and there was nothing to buy there!
–Gift Shop, American Folk Art Museum
Hick obese wife to hick obese husband: Sometimes I like Wal-Mart better, sometimes I like K-Mart better. It depends on the day.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Emily Faxon
Tourist lady on cell: No, I was in the store the entire time! I got 8 pashminas!
–Canal St
Overheard by: Canadian Girl
Cheerful 10-year-old with cornrows to 30-something woman: This is a world famous store! So don't be surprised if you're still here at one o'clock!
–Macy's, 7th Ave
Asian girl, pointing to D'Agostino: Oh, that's D'Agostino. It's like a Japanese grocery store or something.
–10th St & University
Upper East Side mom: I shop at Target because I like to support out local businesses whenever I can.
–62nd & 3rd
