Girl #1: So, he told me that I had the prettiest pussy he had ever seen.
Girl #2: Ew! What did you say?
Girl #1: I said, ‘Thank you.’ My mother told me to always take a compliment gracefully.
–Prince & Broadway
Girl #1: So, he told me that I had the prettiest pussy he had ever seen.
Girl #2: Ew! What did you say?
Girl #1: I said, ‘Thank you.’ My mother told me to always take a compliment gracefully.
–Prince & Broadway
Bimbo tourist #1: Anyway, so when he pulled it out of me it made this farting noise, and I know it wasn’t a fart because it didn’t smell, and… It was just really embarrassing.
Bimbo tourist #2: Quip.
Bimbo tourist #1: What?
Bimbo tourist #2: A quip. The farting noise, it’s called a ‘quip.’
Bimbo tourist #1: Oh, they have a name for it? Wow.
Bimbo tourist #2: Oh, totally. It happens to a lot of people.
Stranger: Um, that’s not right.
Bimbo tourist #2: Excuse me, sir?
Stranger: No, it’s ‘queef.’
Bimbo tourist #2: Wait, what?
Bimbo tourist #1: I think he’s saying his name is ‘Queef’ or something.
Bimbo tourist #2: Oh, sorry. Excuse me, Queef?
Stranger: No… Oh, lord. The sound, it’s ‘queef.’
Bimbo tourist #2: Who’s a ‘queef’? What’s going on?
Bimbo tourist #1: I think he’s one of those crazy subway guys you hear about. I think he’s telling us he’s gay.
Stranger: I can hear you, and I’m not… What? That’s ‘queer,’ you ingrate!
Bimbo tourist #1: Here’s some money for you, sir. Buy your boyfriend a nice grocery cart or something.
Stranger: What?! Does it look like I’m homeless to you? I’m wearing fucking YSL over here… I ain’t queer and I ain’t homeless. You ignorant, you skinny, Paris Hilton-wannabe whores. All I was saying to you was that when your sleazy-ass friend over here pulled her boyfriend’s dick out of her STD-ridden pussy, the word…
Bimbo tourist #1: I’m not following… Is he speaking Cockney or something?
Bimbo tourist #2: I don’t know. Are you allowed to mace crazy hobos?
Stranger: …I’m not fucking crazy!
Bimbo tourist #2: Of course you aren’t, sir.
Passenger: Oh, shut your mouth, both of ya, or I’m gonna whoop both your scrawny asses, you hear?
Stranger: Thank you. All I was saying was…
Old lady: Ah, hell no! Can’t you see this conversation has gone past anyone in this damn subway’s comprehension? Know when to drop it, brother. Know when to drop it.
Bimbo tourist #2: [Mouthing] Oh my god.
Bimbo tourist #1: I know. That was intense.
Stranger, muttering to himself: … Last time I ever take a subway… Unbelievable shit I put up with… Fucking Civics… Unreliable fuckers…
–L train
Drunk lady: Have you seen my coat?
Girl wearing fake moustache: You didn’t bring a coat.
Drunk lady: Yes, yes I did, I had a coat. I put it right over…
Girl wearing fake moustache: No, I’m sorry, ma’am, you didn’t bring a coat.
Drunk lady: I know I brought a coat — I can’t find my coat!
Girl wearing fake moustache [hula-hooping her hips and pointing to her crotch]: Sometimes my vagina goes like this.
–Red Rock West
Overheard by: rachel
Woman: Can you tell me where the bus to Rochester is?
Information guy: Gate 63.
Woman: Thank you.
Information guy, after she walks away: Yeah, she wants me to lick her dirty pussy.
–Port Authority Bus Station
Overheard by: Andrew Dill
Second grader: Earth is the greatest planet in the whole world!
–125th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Yes, I’m his teacher.
Little boy to younger brother in elevator: Stop! It’s like the hospital, you can’t touch anything!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: student
Little girl: Big Brother is watching!
–Franklin St & Church St
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Little boy: Yo, digit, you don’t get any pussy, how you gonna say she ugly?
–Corsa Ave, the Bronx
Overheard by: Edward Carney
Little girl to other little girl wearing school uniform: You look like a woman. Go change!
–116th St & Park Ave
Overheard by: Ken Yapelli
Little girl: Excuse me, where is the drugstore? I mean, where are the drugs?
–Duane Reade, 7th Ave & Flatbush
Overheard by: Cupcake
Little boy: I can’t wait to get home so I can scratch my crotch!
–6th Ave & 17th St
Drunk southern sailor: Yo! Where can we get some punani? Dave needs to milk it! I have a girlfriend, and he’s got a girlfriend, but I’m throwing that to the wind and getting on it
Sailor #2: No way man, we’re in our whites.
–12th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: cp
Guy: But I have to say that 93% of the time I smell good.
–West Building, Hunter College
Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie
Butch lesbian: Damn, now that’s the stank I’m talkin’ about. It smells like ass in here!
–Lexington/51St subway station
Girl on cell: Ok, I’ll meet you for coffee, but I need to stop and get some deodorant, because apparently, according to my entire Spanish class, I stink.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: keeping my distance
Ghetto girl: Tanise, what kind of funk are tryin’ to hide with that stink?
–42nd & 8th Avenue
Overheard by: Lauri
Ghetto Girl: If my pussy stank I’d kill myself. My pussy ain’t never stank.
–1 train
Overheard by: Josh H
Little boy: You smell like piss!
–Medieval Festival, Fort Tryon Park
Overheard by: Jenny
Yuppie woman: He’s 14! That’s old enough to recognize the smell of burning human flesh!
–Broadway, between 11th St & 12th St
Overheard by: Are We There Yet?
Chick: We missed our stop.
Guy: You slept right through it.
Chick: Why didn’t you wake me up?
Guy: I tried, you wouldn’t wake up. You just showed me your pussy.
Chick: That sounds like me.
–N train
Overheard by: shewuzshaved
Hipster girl: I don’t want to do that to my vagina! I want my vagina to smell like va-gi-na! Who would do that to their vagina?
–St. Mark’s Place
Overheard by: Edward Dandelions
Crazy ranting dreddy guy: Respect the vagina!
–St. Marks & 2nd
Hipster Girl: After sex with him, I like, hydrogen peroxided my vagina.
–1st Ave & 9th St
Angry man on cell: No, we weren’t fighting last night, I ate your pussy!
–C Train
Overheard by: Ada
Girl: So he was like, ‘How was your vacation’ and I was like, ‘My vagina’s sore.’
–Coffee Shop, Union Square
Guy on cell: Put your head between your legs and suck your twat.
–19th St
Overheard by: Gross
Boyfriend to girlfriend: Wait, that’s the vajayjay?
–Bodies Exhibit, South Street Seaport
