Young woman, in whiny nasal voice, about man next to her: Rich, you should wear the Pac Man costume this weekend, and get totally drunk!
Male voice coming out of yellow Pac Man mouth: Yeah.
–71st St b/w 1st & 2nd
Young woman, in whiny nasal voice, about man next to her: Rich, you should wear the Pac Man costume this weekend, and get totally drunk!
Male voice coming out of yellow Pac Man mouth: Yeah.
–71st St b/w 1st & 2nd
Balding Italian man: Well, I was going to say “marijuana”.
Young Italian woman: That's your answer for everything.
–Frankies 457, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Sunny
Customer: So, what casino did you go to?
Clerk: The Taj Mahell.
–Smoke Shop, East Village
Overheard by: Evan
Man eating ice cream while trying to walk: Beanobeanobeanobeanobeanobeanobeanobeano.
–49th St and 7th Ave Station
Man dressed in green unitard, running in circles: Augghhhhhhhhhh!!! Aughhhhhhhhhh!! Aughhhhhhh!!!!
–Union Square
Moviegoer, after preview for The Blind Side: Blerrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhh! (vomiting noises, then audience erupts in laughter)
–Regal Battery Park Stadium Movie Theater
Teenage boy, taking gum out of his pocket and looking at it: Scrotum! (puts gum back in pocket and walks away)
–95th St & Madison
Overheard by: Confused
Conductor: Ladies in gentlemen, we would be moving, but there's a bitch-ass 5 train ahead hogging all the customers at 59th St.
–4 Express Train
Overheard by: Lexington
Conductor: Once again, there are no 2 or 3 trains from this station, so if you are looking for anything, don't get off the train, coz it's not gonna be there.
–Downtown 4 Train
Overheard by: Donz
Conductor: Okay, raise your hand if you want to leave!
–7 Train
Overheard by: will it help if I put two hands up?
Conductor: Do not get on this train. It is not taking any passengers, not even one. Do not even try, you will get kicked off.
–Fordham Rd, Bronx
Overheard by: The next train isn't for an hour and I'm already late.
Conductor: Attention, passengers… You cannot use chemical solvents on the train.
–NJ Transit
Conductor: The next stop will be Bryant Park, #2nd Street. What a gorgeous day! Why not take advantage of one of New York City's many fine outdoor eateries. Have you heard the one about the monk and the hot dog vendor? Hot dog vendor: "What's it going to be, buddy?" Monk: "Make me one with everything"! This is Bryant Park, 42nd Street. Have an enlightened day!
–F Train
Man to woman on lunch date: Pussy makes the world go round. When you're 85, dyin', you don't want to regret it if you never got to stick your head up there, or whatever. You wanna die sated.
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Christine
Man, as two women approach: Vagiiiiiina, vagiiiiiiiiiiiina, vagiiiiiiiiiiiiiinaaaaaaa!
–Washington Square
Overheard by: Joe
Hipster on cell: I don't even know you! I do not want to see your vagina.
–Park Ave & 22nd St
Overheard by: Sophia
Suit on cell: I'm gonna cut off her cunt and make her wear it as a hat!
–Times Square
Teenager to friend: That girl has a Stargate vagina. You put it in and, bam, a kid pops out!
–Catherine St & Madison St
Girl at speed dating event: …like my vagina!
–Watering Hole, E 19th St
Wife: If you're brain dead–I'm sorry, but I'm having them pull the plug!
Husband: (blank look)
Wife: You'd want that, right?
–Near Penn Station
Overheard by: LK
Professor: I have nothing against horse rapists, generally speaking.
–New School University
Overheard by: Evan Gilmer
Psychology professor: Chocolate may make you feel good, but cocaine will make you feel a lot better!
–Barnard College
Elderly history professor: I'm not sure of the consequences of what I'm saying, but I'm sure it's terribly important.
–Pratt Institute
Serious professor, on Freud: What's the matter, Anne, are you thinking about penis envy?
–Classroom, Hunter College
Overheard by: Rara
Bearded professor: He drew an eye on the bird and asked me "do you know what this means?" (short pause) "I swallow." What do you say to that?
–94th St & Broadway
Overheard by: DI
Elderly professor: You two ladies in the back want to cut the bullshit and listen to my brilliance?
–Tisch School of the Arts
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
Guy: …and then I'd be a cyborg.
–Soho
Overheard by: Nicole Q
Man on cell: But wouldn't that make you a vampire?
–45th St
Crazy guy, returning after briefly exiting car: I tried to make it to the end of the train, but I was blocked by a teenage werewolf. I have encountered them before, but never outside Brooklyn.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Canucking Futs
Guy on phone: In your next life, you're gonna come back as a vampire.
–Williamsburg
Dude, marveling to another on train: Damn, son, you look like Godzilla with a fade.
–Q Train
Hipster waiter: The fucking gnome took my remote control. The one thing in the world that I love. I told him, "you can take anything except the remote control." And sure enough, he took the fucking remote control.
–Restaurant, Williamsburg
Female student on cell: We don't know anything until we know something.
–Columbia University
Balding middle aged man guiding middle aged woman down stairs: Step, step, step, step. Flat, flat, flat, flat. Step…
–Columbia
Yoga instructor to skinny college girl: Turn your head to the left. Turn your head to the left. The left. The left. The left. Your other left. I know you go to Columbia.
–Bikram Yoga, Harlem
Overcaffinated Columbia freshman girl to another: What do you mean your sociology textbook ate King Lear?
–Carman Hall, Columbia University
Overheard by: that would make it difficult to finish either reading
