Girl #1: So your birthday is tomorrow?
Girl #2: Yeah, it should have been today but I was too much of a fat-ass to fit through my mom's vagina.
Girl #1: What?
Girl #2, yelling: It should have been today but I was too much of a fat-ass to fit through my mom's vagina.
Girl #1: Bummer.
–Spring & Varick
Preppy drunk blond #1 in ladies room: Oh my god! How are you? It's been so long since I've seen you!
Preppy drunk blond #2: Oh my god, I'm great! When I noticed I was bleeding I decided to come in here and wash my face!
–Circle Line Cruise
Overheard by: nika
Girl #1: And then I told him no way. I was through with him staying overnight at other girls houses.
Girl #2: But as long as he comes back to your house at night it's okay?
Girl #1: Yup.
–5th St & Lexington Ave
Friend pushing cart to little girl: Get your feet out of the way! C'mon!
Mom of little girl: No, it's okay. She don't love her feet.
–F Train
Overheard by: Jaxx
Older man: If you drank a thousand gallons of beer, and then took off your pants…
–79th & West End
Girl to guy with beavers on pants: Excuse me, are those beavers on your pants?
–6 Train
20-something preppy girl on cell: Whenever I'm cheating on my boyfriend, I take off my pants and pretend to be an albino bunny.
–Central Park
Overheard by: that one girl
Guy on cell: If I don't get in her pants tonight, I'm gonna fuck you up!
–1st Ave
Aging drag queen to friend: It's much better than sick obsessions with blond males between the ages of 18 and 25 who always take their pants off to play GameCube.
–The Village
Overheard by: Amused NYU Tischie
Professor: May I speak of your mother's uterus?
Foreign grad student: Uh…
Professor: You're sharing such a small space. Someone's bound to get more resources. It's crazy!
–Lecture Hall, NYU
Overheard by: uteran lining
Young white guy to sweating black FedEx delivery man in elevator: Wow, it's really hot outside, no?
Sweating black FedEx man: Man, it's a brotisserie.
–78th St & Madison Ave
Middle-aged blonde woman: We had a bottle of Nair and beer bottles in the shower. Woke up hungover, with no hair, in my underwear.
Middle-aged brunette woman: That's just sad.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Markle
Crazy preacher man: Look up! You see that ball in the sky? It's not the sun. It's hell!
–Times Square
Subway preacher: Someone is gonna drive your car to your funeral, wearing your bling bling.
–Downtown A Train
Street bible pusher: Don't wait for the asteroids to rain down on you! Asteroids are heading this way now!
–6th Ave & 32nd St
Random crazy dude: Repent, all ye sinners! Get your ass to Genesis!
–St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: LiD
Street preacher handing out bible verses: Jesus saves! Jesus saves! (to suit walking by) Not you! There's nothing good about you!
–8th Ave below 23rd St
Girl: So then I said "mother, I am 20 years old and you cannot tell me I can't go to Wet 'n Wild!"
–Central Park
Overheard by: Quella
Weird chick: Eeeeek! That toilet is flooding! My Payless shoes are getting wet! My beautiful Payless shoes! All this water looks like that movie, The Blob! Oh, I hate you, Steve McQueen! I hate you, I hate you!
–Women's Restroom, Port Authority
Overheard by: Amber Star
Drunk girl to drunker friend who spilled beer on her lap: Again with the vaginal wetness?
–LIRR
Guy to a girl in laundromat: Why can't you dry your underwear? Is that because they're so used to being wet when you're wearing them?
–1st. Ave & 7th St
Overheard by: Mike
Girl to boy: So about this whole wet dream thingy…
–C Train
