Oh, Get Your Mind Out Of the Wednesday One-Liner!

Angry bus driver: Get out of my rear. Get out of my rear.

–Q44 Bus

Overheard by: This is why men do not give birth

Law professor, pulling out a cough drop: Sorry guys, if I don't suck on this, I just won't make it.

–CUNY Law School

Overheard by: That's what she said

Chemistry teacher: No, it's really warm here. (pause) Feel my test-tube.

–Stuyvesant High School

Large black lady to girlfriend: I'm not gonna let him put his babbaganush in my peace pipe!

–Houston St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: ian has a face

Loud woman on cell: Yes, he stuck it up my right one, and when it was halfway in, I was like "ow, you need to take it out!" and then he stuck it up my left one, and I felt no discomfort!

–72nd & 2nd

Old lady to another: So is there an oral tradition in your family then?

–86th & Broadway

Overheard by: Frenchie

Posted on May 20, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, BJs, Black People, Bus, Bus Drivers, Classroom, College, Family Ties, Fat People, Girlfriends, Health and Hygiene, Heat, Medicine, Old People, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Penis, Private Parts, Public Transportation, Questions, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Smoking, Students, Stuyvesant, Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Are a Household Name

English teacher, telling student how to read play: Brian, you're like Martin Luther King meets 50 Cent!

–English Class, Bronx HS of Science

Overheard by: Lillian

Woman answering cell on bus: You saw Beyoncé? (everyone stares) Sorry. Did you say, "Hi, fiancée," or "I saw Beyoncé"?"

–126 Bus

Loud fat hipster chick: So she said I'm like Britney Spears with Lindsay Lohan's body, because my weight fluctuates like Lohan's. And I'm okay with that, because you know what? Lohan is a great celebrity. I mean, look, Kate Winslet is lovely and all, but what is she doing tonight? Sitting on a couch somewhere, drinking moderately probably. What is Lohan doing? Probably something really gay and coked up. I'd rather be gay and coked up than drinking moderately on a couch, any day of the week.

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: Jas

Metal kid: I smell like Robert Downey, Jr.

–Don Pedro's, Boerum & Manhattan, Brooklyn

Overheard by: LP

Hobo: I always thought Madonna was a trashy white cunt.

–Restaurant Row

Overheard by: Al-master

Guy to girl: You know, I'm sure you're a wonderful lover, and you don't need to be comparing yourself to Lance Armstrong. Like, that's just a fool's game.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Helena

Posted on May 20, 2009
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bronx Science, Brooklyn, Bus, Classroom, Cocaine, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Diet/Weight, Drinking & Drunk People, Duane Reade, Fat People, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, History & Geography, Hobos, Insults, Music, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Park Slope, Passengers, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Students, Teachers/Professors, The Bronx, Theater & Dance, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

With Wednesday One-Liners Like These, Who Needs Enemies?

Guy pouring himself cup of coffee to guy watching: You and I just really need to have a huge fight. I think that's the only way we can truly be friends.

–Fox News Breakroom

Overheard by: CreateEvity

College girl on cell: I'm a real-life imaginary friend to two different people.

–Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Am I Imaginary?

Soft-spoken thug on cell: I don't want to upset my baby momma, but I don't want to lose you as a friend.

–123rd & Broadway

Overheard by: EthanK

Girl on phone: His name isn't CJ, it's JP. He wants to be friends with me, I'm gonna friend the heck outta him!

–Lafayette & White

Loud gay guy: So he asks me, "are we still just friends?" and I'm like, "umm, your dick was just in my mouth. Thats not what just friends do."

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Ricardo the Sex Machine

Suit to hot chick: So what's your take on the bottled water companies? Friend or foe?

–Odeon, Thomas & Broadway

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Posted on May 20, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, BJs, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Fighting and ass kicking, Friendship, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Nicknames & name calling, Office, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Penis, Queer guys, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sorority Girls, Stupidity, Suits, Thugs, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Girls Are Actually More About the Dew Point

Tall awkward white dude: So you mean to tell me you never question your sexuality?
Girl, shaking her head slowly: No.
Tall awkward white dude: I mean, it's not like it's conscience. It's like a barometer thing: when you meet someone, you just respond.

–7 Train

Posted on May 19, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, On the Subway, Questions, Sexuality, Weirdness, White People

…He Does Want Extra Cheese.

Old guy on mountain bike: (makes Chewbacca-like noise into the service window of a pizzeria)
Unseen person across the street: (same noise)
Old guy on bike to pizzeria worker: See?

–5th Ave, Sunset Park

Overheard by: B. Clothman

Posted on May 19, 2009
Clerks, Movies, Old People, Sensory Experiences, Strangers, Weirdness

Why Bands Break Up: Explained

Band member #1: I'm feeling a little like Calvin and Hobbes with this cardboard time machine here.
Band member #2: I don't know what you're talking about.

–Ars Nova, W 54th St

Overheard by: Emily B.

Posted on May 18, 2009
Comebacks, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Musicians, Pop Culture, Theater, Weirdness

Then My Answer Is “Miasma”

Man #1: What's with this girl Desriree?
Man #2: (pauses, thinking)
Man #1: Come on, it's a yes or no question!

–Club, Ave B

Posted on May 18, 2009
Alphabet City, Bars & Clubs, Men, Questions, Weirdness

Are You Saying They're Bad News and Full Of Splooge?

Stressed woman, on the verge of tears: She thinks because she's fourteen she can come home whenever she wants and treat me however she wants!
Male friend: Kids are young, dumb, and full of cum!
Stressed woman: True, dat.

–E Train

Overheard by: Luis

Posted on May 18, 2009
Age/Aging, Crying, Cum, Friends, Kids, On the Subway, Parents, Stupidity, Weirdness, Women

Trust Me– I've Thought About This a Lot.

Crazy guy, about Scottish Deerhounds: See, they've got personality. They're enjoying themselves. They've got four legs, but we say we're smarter? I wish I had four legs.
German owner of Deerhounds: Then you couldn't open doors.
Crazy guy: But what if one of my front paws had a hand? Then I could open doors.

–Marcus Garvey Dog Run, 120th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: anna

Posted on May 17, 2009
Body Parts, Crazies, Foreigners, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Man's Best Friend, Parks, Questions, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Weirdness