American guy #1: Remember when you were here last year, and Mike was spinning you around, and dropped you on your head?
Japanese girl: What?
American guy #2: Last year! In New York! You were here! I took your legs and went like this! I dropped you on your head!
Japanese girl: Yes! Yes! Ha, ha, ha, ha!
American guy #1: Dude, she loves it! Most girls, if you dropped them on their heads, would be like, “Fuck you, I’m never talking to you again.”
–C train
Man on bike: You see those boxes over there?
Freshman girl: The white ones?
Man on bike: Yeah, you see those?
Freshman girl: Yes. Those are white boxes.
Man on bike: And you see the truck over there? With the fridge in it?
Freshman girl: Yes.
Man on bike: Okay, just checking. I thought that's what they wanted us to think. (bikes away)
–Pratt Campus
Overheard by: Pratt student
Young black lady to friend: I am so happy this is my last week! I hate New York City! Everybody is so rude! Today I nearly punched somebody in the face!
–Elevator, Midtown
Overheard by: thorn
Metro guy, singing: If you're happy and you know it, get a paper. If you're happy and you know it, get a paper. If you're happy and you know it, and you really want to show it. If you're happy and you know it, get a Metro.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: erkala
Six-year-old boy to mom: The things in cave paintings don't always look happy.
–81st & 1st
Overheard by: Tim
Obvious lawyer, on Yom Kippur: My finger is happy to have the day off.
–32nd St & Park Ave
Overheard by: k
Postal worker to another: Oh, no, don't worry. You do what you want. It is impossible for them to fire you, girl.
–Tompkins Square Park
Mr. Big, sarcastically on cell: Is there anything else that I can do for you, honey, while I'm out making a living?
–First Class Cabin, American Airlines
Overheard by: Frequent Flyer
Scruffy drunk hipster guy to frumpy drunk hipster girl: That's how girls touch me… at work.
–Cobble Hill Brooklyn
Guy on cell: I really need to give up drugs cause, like, no one will hire me. I'm gonna wait a few weeks and try to get a job at Food Emporium.
–Astor Place
20-something girl to another: See, the thing with sweatshops is, at least they have jobs.
–Chelsea
Overheard by: arielle
Well-dressed gay man to another: Doesn't she know the best part of her job is going through the OfficeMax catalogue to order matching office supplies? That should be the highlight of anyone's day!
–E Train
Overheard by: lk
Guy #1: It was like a faucet! It just kept running!
Guy #2: I really don't want to hear about this…
–Grand Central
Girl #1: I’d totally teabag him! Wait, what’s the female equivalent of teabag?
Girls #2 & #3: Hmmm…
Queer #1: I dunno — what do you call it when someone dangles lunch meat in your face?
Queer #2: Roast beef curtains?
Girls: Ewww!
Queer #1: No, no, wait! It’s a cold cut swipe!
Everyone: Ewww!
–JFK
Overheard by: K to tha B
Boyfriend: So you went home, drank two Smirnoff Ices, watched Harry Potter one and a half times, and masturbated twice?
Girlfriend: Yep.
–City Hall Park
Headline by: Lord Pervdevert
Runners-Up:
· “Nice.” – ImmaculatePizza
· “And That’s Why You Couldn’t Meet My Parents?” – Gerard
· “Best 13th Birthday Ever” – downtown
· “Just Another Night for JK Rowling” – Suzy
· “Rookie” – 6th Floor Blogger
· “Underage or Underloved?” – em
Suit on cell: I swear, I’m going to make her the sorriest crippled girl in New York.
–Avenue C
Hipster on iPhone: Hello? I’m sorry. I can’t hear you–I have an iPhone.
–6th & 27th
Hipster girl to out-of-town friend: Sorry about the smell, this area just recently gentrified.
–Orchard Street b/w Broome & Grand
Loud, drunk, British girl to boyfriend: We don’t know each other’s minds -we can’t read each other’s minds! So when you do something I don’t like and I tell you and then later you do something I don’t like and I tell you again… Well that’s two sorries in one day! And "sorry" is just a word, but you’re learning about me! About my mind.
–Broadway & Waverly
Overheard by: rpk
Woman on cell: Oh sorry, I have to go. Remember that woman that got pregnant by a bear? Yeah, I just ran into her.
–Astor Place
Dominican to friend: And just wait until I tell them all he’s Dominican… he’ll really be sorry then!
–5th Ave, near Empire State Building
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Lady yuppie: I’m going to be in Williamsburg in half an hour. There’s a pig I need to buy. Wanna get a drink?
–12th St & 7th Ave
Fancy lady on cell: Hey, Andrea, it’s me. Just wanted to see how you were doing… And if you got a new pig… Call me back!
–4th St, between 1st Ave & Ave A
Overheard by: queemy’s mommy
Drunk guy: I basically had pigs eating shit out of my ass!
–4th St & 1st Ave
Customer to woman behind fish counter: Are you Italian?
Woman behind fish counter: No. I get accused of being Italian a lot. I'm just Jewish.
–Zabar's, Upper West Side
Overheard by: zabarian
