An Infestation of Wednesday One-Liners

Woman on phone: I am being nice, but I'm not going to describe to you in great detail what a bug looks like!

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: R&L

Man in zoot suit: When I talk, I don't want you bitches saying nothing! I only wanna hear the cockroaches fornicating on the walls!

–F Train

Overheard by: Reagan

Hipster: It was like watching a praying mantis have a seizure.

–16th & 8th

Wasted girl on sidewalk: No, I am so upset, I am so upset, I lost the back of my phone and there is a bug, a bug!

–11th & Broadway

Old lady: She looks pretty much like a roach.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Posted on January 2, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cell Phone, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Hipsters, Insects, Men, Offers and requests, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Staten Island Ferry, The Village, Weirdness, West Village, Wishes & desires, Women

There’s a Name for Women Who Are Professionals in Alleys

Girl #1: I don’t know what kind of atmosphere! I just want something professional and sophisticated.
Girl #2: “Professional” and “sophisticated”. Excuse me while I go smoke an L in an alley behind the stock exchange.

–14th & 9th

Posted on January 2, 2015
Business and Commerce, Girls, Jobs & Careers, Weed, West Village

Playing “Mirror” Gets Old After Age Five

Man: If you do that, you will be victimizing two men who don't deserve it.
Woman: I will be victimizing two men who don't deserve it?
Man: Yes, you will be victimizing two men who don't deserve it.
Woman: So, I will be victimizing two men who don't deserve it.
Man: Yes, you will be victimizing two men who don't deserve it.
Woman: Well, I really think I'm justified.
Man: Oh, do you really think you're justified?
Woman: Yes, I really think I'm justified.
Man: So you really think you're justified?
Woman: Yes, I really think I'm justified.

–11th St & Perry St

Overheard by: Joe

Posted on December 29, 2014
Men, Questions, Stupidity, West Village, Women

But It Was a Condition of Going on Elimidate

Young guy: Well, I called her a ho, but I didn't mean it.
Young girl: But she was your date!

–14th St & 7th Ave

Posted on December 26, 2014
Dating, Default, Girls, Guys, Insults, Weirdness, West Village, Words

The Two Personality Types

Woman #1: It's a beautiful day outside.
Woman #2: I need to find a bathroom.

–Varick & Carmine

Posted on December 19, 2014
Beauty, Weather, Weirdness, West Village, Women

If You're One-Eighth Wednesday, White People Call You “One-Liner”

White guy to black girlfriend: God, I'm so racist.

–Canal St & Elizabeth St

Big black lady: So, have they fired that African guy yet? (laughs hysterically) Nah, you right. Mexicans won't do that shit no more!

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: NewHaircut

White woman to black woman: So, tell me about your people. Do you know where they come from?

–Whitehall St & South St

Overheard by: Jon A.

White girl walking in Harlem: Dang, even the squirrels are black here!

–125th & Amsterdam

Tween: Mom, what's Negro Day?

–Neil Simon Theatre

Little blond girl to black mother: You mean we're black?

–Hudson & Barrow

Overheard by: Emily

Posted on December 16, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Black People, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Race, Staten Island Ferry, Theater, Tweens, Weirdness, West Village, White People, Women

“I'm Having a Wednesday One-Liner– And It's Yours!”

Man in floor-length green dress to passersby: How do you know if you're having a baby? It's by the way you lift your legs!

–8th & 34th

Guy to girlfriend: Just make sure you tell me if you're on antibiotics. I already got like three babies that way.

–Battery Park

Overheard by: It's how I got mine

Large black man: She was poppin' those babies out like an Easy-Bake Oven!

–Coney Island Broadwalk

Hobo woman yelling at random pregnant woman: I told you be careful with that belly! That baby's gonna die! It gonna die!

–Broadway & Liberty

Overheard by: CG

Man talking animatedly on cell: Yeah! Don't be surprised if the baby comes out with a hairy red ass!

–Spring Street, SoHo

Middle aged woman: Your baby wouldn't stop crying, so I put my tit in his mouth.

–W 12th & W 4th

Overheard by: michael diamond

Posted on December 16, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Babies, Battery Park, Black People, Body Parts, Boyfriends, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Coney Island, Crying, Death, Fears, Guys, Hair, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Men, Nipples, Offers and requests, On Cell, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Soho, The Village, Weirdness, West Village, Women, Words

The Day Dad Realized Kids Don’t Get Sarcasm

Little boy holding a box of cupcakes: Dad, I need money.
Dad: Just run.

–Magnolia Bakery

Overheard by: Mike

Posted on December 3, 2014
Boys, Crime and Punishment, Default, Grocery Stores, Kids, Money & Class, Offers and requests, West Village, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-liners Up the Wazoo

Queer: It was, like, 8:30 in the morning and my colon called and said it needed a filling.

–Christopher Street Pier

Overheard by: Fourth Axiom

Posted on December 2, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Backdoor, Body Parts, One-liners, Players, Promiscuity, Queer guys, Sexuality, West Village

We Could Even Go Out on a Crazy Limb and Serve Snacks!

Male yuppie #1: Let's open a bar with home-crafted beer–microbrews!
Male yuppie #2: That would be awesome, man! No one's ever done that before!
Male yuppie #1: I know!

–Blind Tiger, West Village

Overheard by: Are you sure?

Posted on November 28, 2014
Bars & Clubs, Drinking & Drunk People, Stupidity, West Village, Yuppies