Woman #1: And then she said, your ass looks like my dog!
Woman #2: She’s right.
–West Village
Woman #1: And then she said, your ass looks like my dog!
Woman #2: She’s right.
–West Village
Guy eating pancakes: Everything's funny in retrospect, like the time I got that screwdriver stuck in my eye.
–IHOP, Brooklyn
Ancient Greek civilization professor: A sexual act, in some sense, for an observer is funny.
–Hunter College
Crazy lady: All the prostitutes need to be rounded up and stuck in churches! (teen girl laughs) You think that's funny? It's not gonna be funny when you are in a hospital addicted to crack!
–Water St & Broad St
Girl to her friend: Wouldn't it be funny if human beings could only walk forward and backwards?
–8th St & 2nd Ave
Lady sitting with girlfriends: It's funny because I'm pregnant, and he doesn't know.
–Starbucks
Drunken Jets fan to friends in Jets jerseys: That's not funny. You want to see something funny? (grabs wooden signpost, slams forehead into it) That's funny!
–W 4th & Barrow
Overheard by: jira monkey
Young black guy to another: You know, Obama is to politics what Richard Simmons is to exercise.
–PATH Train
Guy standing outside bar: And she was like, "What, like Gary Coleman?" and I'm like, "No, not like fucking Gary Coleman!"
–4th & 10th
Girl to boyfriend: Well, Tom Green only had one testicle. It's totally fine.
–E 11th St
Overheard by: j
Suit on cell: And I was like, "Fuck you, Ryan Cabrera"!
–Bedford & 6th St
Black girl on cell: I told you, we're like the Paris Hiltons of Liberia.
–Borders, Wall St
Overheard by: step
Guy (after taking picture with Jeremy Piven): Damn! I can't put this on MySpace. I'm wearing the same shirt I wore when I met Chazz Palminteri!
–Outside Barrymore Theatre
Overheard by: Pasta…Salad
Twink #1: What’s that place across the street like?
Twink #2: Ugh. A total Foley bar.
Twink #1: Ew.
–Outside The Hanger Bar, Christopher St
Overheard by: Joe Jervis
Dude: Don't take your drink in the bathroom with you, that's gross.
Chick: Well, I'm not going to pee in it, I'm going to drink it while I pee!
–Blind Tiger Ale House, Bleecker Street
Girl on cell, looking for her friends: Can you see me? Look at the sun, I'm directly under it right now.
–Sheep Meadow, Central Park
Guy on cell: Yeah, we'll go now. Okay. Right now, I'm at 116 and Hamsterdam–Hamsterdam? What the fuck did I just say? Oh, wow, that is a disturbing mental image. Yeah, exactly. River full of hamsters. Okay, see ya.
–116th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: That would be truly terrifying.
Harlem woman on cell: Come find me! I'm on the downtown side of the street!
–East Side
Drunk guy on cell: Yo, I'm on the corner of fuckin' somethin' an somethin'.
–42nd St & 5th Ave
Drunk on cell: Where am I? Where am I? I'm at the corner of Charles Street and motherfucking I don't know!
–West Village
Woman to friends: Oh thank god! I feel so much safer now that we're at 7th Avenue.
–G Train
Tourist #1: We should visit Chinatown.
Tourist #2: Why?
Tourist #1: We can see real Chinese people in their natural habitat.
–Subway station, West 4th St
Hobo: Can you spare some change? Or food?
Black lady: Nigga, get a job. This neighborhood's gone too bourgeois for your ass to be begging.
–West 4th
Overheard by: bella
Exasperated woman on phone: It's a phone interview! What does it matter what type of boobs I have?
–Office Building, 32nd & 7th
Overheard by: erkala
Girl, after guy accidentally hit her boob: Ow! You should be squeezing them, not hitting them!
–Toys R' Us, Times Square
Overheard by: Lotte
Upper West Side girl to friend: I hate that my boobs are so big! It completely ruins that skirt for me.
–Canal Street
Hobo: But I don't want to love my breasts!
–Ave B
Man on cell: So you're coming to New York? That's good. I called your mother, she said you're staying with some girl with big tits tonight.
–West 4th Street
Guy to another, while at lunch: I don't care if you think I live too fast and I'll be dead at 45. At least I'll die with a tittie in my mouth!
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: sal b
Average Joe: Short people are insufferable!
Shorter friend: Tell me about it!
–Bleecker St & Carmine St
Overheard by: Lezbotron
Headline by: Jane
Runners-Up:
· “…And They Have Limited Vocabularies and Will Agree With Anything” – Bob
· “I Thought I Just Did.” – Katie
· “That Scene From “The Wizard Of Oz” Was Like Hell on Earth!” – space coyote
· “To Be Fair, He Did Reply in That High-Pitched Cackle” – Kenneth
· “Tom Cruise Is Refreshingly Self-Aware” – Meg
