Women

The Sum Of All Wednesday One-Liners

Woman on cell: And when my brother got near him, his poop came out. That's how scared he was.

–107th & Broadway

Woman on cell: So yeah, they are really scary, like if you walk in the house they will bark really loud, and that's totally worse than them biting you.

–Majestic Theater

Girl on cell: I went in for genetic counseling and I found out things that scared me.

–10th Ave & 39th St

Overheard by: Todd Fletcher

Girl on cell: No, you can't go! I'm too stoned and too scared. Just stay on the phone with me, please.

–Supermarket, Astoria

Conductor: Never fear! The phantom of the train is here!

–7 Train

Overheard by: Alex

I Wear Two Condoms All the Time for the Same Reason

Woman #1: I always wear two bras when I work out.
Woman #2: Two bras?
Woman #1: Yes, a regular bra under my sports bra. That way, I don’t get all flattened out, and besides, I look more natural, don’t you think?

–14th St

Overheard by: stephanie

Presenting Our Catch Phrase for the Day

Woman #1: Ah, look at those beautiful puppies.
Woman #2: Puppies are bullshit.

–Bay Ridge

The Difference Between Obvious-Crazy and Stealth-Crazy

Crazy vet: Hey lady, you got any kids?
Sympathetic, but slightly freaked out woman: No.
Crazy vet: You got any grandkids?
Sympathetic, but slightly freaked out woman: Yeah, I got six grandbabies.

–14 D Bus

Overheard by: Fer

It’s Not Just the Bird That’s Mocking Them

Woman #1: I watched the best movie last night!
Woman #2: Oh yeah? What was it?
Woman #1: It was called To Catch a Mockingbird.
Woman #2: Did you know they made a book from that movie?

–Q55 bus

How Jake Met His Second Wife

Guy: Today’s my anniversary!
Lady suit: Congratulations!
Guy: I’ve been divorced 28 years today. Bitch drove me crazy.
Lady suit: Oh.

–City Hall

When He Talked About Her “Flat,” She Assumed He Was Making Disparaging Comments About Her Chest

Frustrated woman laying out: Actually, no, he didn't say he would call me, he said he would “ring” me.
Indignant friend: What an asshole! Like seriously, you're not British!

–Sheep Meadow

Overheard by: Henry Higgins

Like Herpes, Madonna Will Never Die

Woman #1: So, Madonna has a new album out… which, of course, means my herpes are flaring up again…
Woman #2: I know, right?

–South 3rd & Berry, Williamsburg

The Giulianification of Times Square Continues

Woman: Um, excuse me but there’s no sugar at either station.
Barista girl: There’s no sugar. We ran out.
Woman: None?
Barista girl: No, they ain’t got any on 42nd either.

–Starbucks, 43rd & 8th

Did He Used To Tell You To Burn Things?

Man on date: I probably shouldn't tell you this, but since I was little I had an imaginary friend named Picoletto.
Woman he's dating: Holy shit! You know Pico!

–McDonald's, Times Square

Overheard by: JP

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