(man and woman arguing with a foreigner)
Foreigner: How many passenger?
Man: Two.
Foreigner: Three?
Man: No, two.
Foreigner: Three?
Man: Two! Two! (holds up two fingers) Me and her! (points to the woman)
Foreigner: Ah. Three!
Man: Jesus fucking Christ, where did you come from?
–JFK Airport
Overheard by: Angie
Girl #1: I know “impactful” isn’t a word, but what would be a word that means that?
Girl #2: Hold on, I’m coming over there. I can’t think in the air.
–9th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Laguna
(hobo runs through bushes, unzipping pants, mumbling. Cop follows him)
Hobo runs back, zipping up pants: Building structures building structures!
–Washington Square
Overheard by: KidUgly
(two girls, looking at a sign that says “Stop Crumping”)
Girl #1: Crumping? What is that?!
Girl #2: Crunking? Crimping?
Girl #1: Is there anyone here who can help us?!
–Bard High School Early College
Professor (explaining some complex syntax in language and then proceeds to use example): So, the dog ate the cat.
Student: Oh! Ooh!
Professor: Oh…? Oh! No, no, no! Not in that way!
–Queens College Linguistics Lecture
Overheard by: YoungEnoughNotToKnow
Young guy #1: How often do I have to feed her fish?
Young guy #2: Don’t ask me dude, I’ve fucked every fish I’ve ever owned… Wait. I don’t fuck fish!
–1 Train
Boyfriend: My vibrator is a lot louder than yours.
Girlfriend: Really?
Boyfriend: Yeah, I’m switching to AT&T.
–PATH Train
Overheard by: Not From Jersey City
Global teacher, about review packet: You must look at my package in order to see what’s there!
–History Class, Bronx HS of Science
Overheard by: Lillian
Woman in business suit on cell: Yeah, work is crazy right now because I have a big release coming out next week. (pauses) That’s what he said.
–26th & Park
Overheard by: absnola
Lady in the audience: Which one is Patti LuPone?
–St. James Theater
Dorky older guy to female bank teller (smiling): I’ve got a really big deposit for you.
(teller looks down and starts laughing)
–Chase Bank, 24th & 7th
Overheard by: Joe
Timid Asian deli boy to deli owner: Excuse me, I don’t know how to do number two.
–Deli, Union Square
Black waiter to Asian female customer: Enjoy your black balls.
–Ninja, Hudson St
Student #1: You know in French they have Ebonics too.
Student #2: Like creole?
Student #1: Yeah.
Student #3: Ebonics, I thought that was some sort of disease, like bubonic.
Student #2: Dude! What the hell?
Student #3: What do I know? I’m an engineer.
–Columbia University Athletics Van
Overheard by: Barnard student
Middle school kid #1: Why do they call it “PMS”?
Middle school kid #2: I dunno.
Middle school kid #1: Because “Mad Cow Disease” was taken.
(hilarious laughter ensues)
Middle school kid #2: That’s so funny. (pause) What’s “PMS”?
Middle school kid #1: I think it’s “Post Mental Syndrome” You know, when you dry up and can’t have babies.
–R Train
