Eight-year old boy, barely audibly: Do you have any kid's shoes?
Middle aged clerk: Do I have sex? (pause) Well…
Eight-year old boy, slightly more audibly: Naw, do you have any kid's shoes?
Middle aged clerk: Kids? Yes. I've got one 24 and one 19. I know they're not really kids, but they still seem like it to me.
Eight-year-old boy: Naw, naw! (loudly) I said “do you have any kid's shoes?”
–Shoe Store, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Eremi
HS boy #1: How do you spell “toll”?
HS girl: T-O-L-L.
HS boy #2: Like “pay a toll”?
HS boy #1: Like “take a toll on a nigga.”
–F train
Overheard by: Miss B
Girl talking casually to friend: So I’ve been listening to Michael Jackson all morning, and as I was passing the guy who sits next to me I started singing “Don’t stop till you get it up”.
Friend: Ummm. [Pauses.] But the lyrics are “Don’t stop till you get enough”.
–38th & Broadway
Overheard by: Miss. Me
Girl #2: You’re so right! She does kind of look like a Tyrannosaur!
Girl #1: Oh my god, you’re so mean.
Girl #2: What? You said it first.
Girl #1: I said: “She kind of looks like a tennis player.”
Girl #2: Um, oh. Oops.
–1 Train
Overheard by: ouch.
Headline by: James
Runners-Up:
· “Either Way, She Makes Quite a Racket” – DotTim
· “I Always Get Lesbians and Giant Man-Eating Lizards Confused.” – L.J.
· “If It’s Martina Navratilova, They’re Both Right.” – Brady
· “It’s the Way She Devoured the Competition” – Markle9
· “Serenasaur or Venusaur?” – Matt
· “With the Racket and the Tiny Arms, It Could Really Go Either Way.” – Rosie
Guy: Hey, let’s go in there. They might have wine or beer.
Girl: Nah, I kinda wanna grab something hard.
–14th St, between 1st and 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Eve
Guy: So, I saw this video online of a chick who tied her beef curtains in a knot…
–Astor Pl
Chick: Maybe I should scrap my dissertation and just write erotica?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Chick: My favorite porn line, and possibly my favorite movie line ever, is, ‘Suck it, my queen. Suck it.’
–Grand Sichuan, St. Mark’s Pl
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Intern to another: They do too make gay pornography!
–42nd & Madison
Overheard by: Nicolas Agrait
Cube neighbor on phone with friend: So, the first thing she needs to do is throw it out — get rid of all the porn. I mean, she has closets and closets full of it!
–Midtown
20-something woman on cell: I may be too analytical for erotica.
–Outside Century 21
Overheard by: McFreaky
Older guy: What time is it?
Younger guy: Tuesday.
Translated from the Spanish.
–91st & Columbus
Overheard by: Jane T.
Teen thug #1: That shit back in the day was like common-ism.
Teen thug #2: Yo, you mean Communism, stupid ass!
–1 train, 86th St
Overheard by: Tommy Wooh
Man #1: Man, I sure am frazzled.
Man #2: “Frazzled”? Who uses that word anymore?
Man #1: Oh, shut up! It's raining, alright?
–14th & 8th
Boricua: Yo, son, I told you! Birdseed don’t know shit about shit!
–Fordham University
Announcer: The 10:30… Shit, the 11:30 six train to Ronkonkoma is now boarding on track eighteen. Shit…
–LIRR terminal, Penn Station
Eight-year-old girl: Mom, look! Mom, they got a nicer elevator than we do! Shit.
–7th & 2nd
Overheard by: BJ
Girl: Awww, all they have is shit!
–NYU dining hall
Loud woman on phone: So, guess what my 18-month-old daughter learned to say? ‘Oh, shit.’ And guess who she learned it from? Mommy.
–Bergen Beach-bound B3 bus
Overheard by: Robert
