Teen thug #1: That shit back in the day was like common-ism.
Teen thug #2: Yo, you mean Communism, stupid ass!
–1 train, 86th St
Overheard by: Tommy Wooh
Teen thug #1: That shit back in the day was like common-ism.
Teen thug #2: Yo, you mean Communism, stupid ass!
–1 train, 86th St
Overheard by: Tommy Wooh
Man #1: Man, I sure am frazzled.
Man #2: “Frazzled”? Who uses that word anymore?
Man #1: Oh, shut up! It's raining, alright?
–14th & 8th
Boricua: Yo, son, I told you! Birdseed don’t know shit about shit!
–Fordham University
Announcer: The 10:30… Shit, the 11:30 six train to Ronkonkoma is now boarding on track eighteen. Shit…
–LIRR terminal, Penn Station
Eight-year-old girl: Mom, look! Mom, they got a nicer elevator than we do! Shit.
–7th & 2nd
Overheard by: BJ
Girl: Awww, all they have is shit!
–NYU dining hall
Loud woman on phone: So, guess what my 18-month-old daughter learned to say? ‘Oh, shit.’ And guess who she learned it from? Mommy.
–Bergen Beach-bound B3 bus
Overheard by: Robert
Man on cell: I’m at the bad Duane Reade right now… Yeah, the one on 14th street…I know that’s the good one, but it’s in danger zone.
–Duane Reade, 14th & 3rd
Overheard by: not in danger zone
Girl on cell: I’m in like the Middle East somewhere… Where are you?
–56th & 7th Ave
Overheard by: dnuggets
Hipster on cell: No, I swear to god I am not in Montreal!
–Outside Alligator Lounge, Williamsburg
Overheard by: miles
Lady yelling into pay phone, by platform: I’m in Yonkers! I’m right by the train!
–W 242 & Broadway, Bronx
Overheard by: Krisztina
Harried guy in suit on his cell: Yeah well, I’m at the Port Authority…I hear this is where the buses leave from.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: JoBell
Screaming man on pay phone: Yo -I told yo ass to meet me on 33rd and 5th. I be standin’ here and you ain’t here. [Pause.] What the fuck do you mean!? I be on da corner waiting for yo ass for the past fifty minutes. I only get an hour for lunch. Now you gone and messed up my day cuz yo ass ain’t show up. [Pauses, speaks more calmly.] I’m on da corner of 33rd and 5th. [Screaming again.] Don’t tell me yo ain’t see me! I’m standing right here!
–35th & Madison
Asian nerd #1: Neutrons!
Asian nerd #2: … Subatomic particles!
Asian nerd #3: Velocity times speed equals… Power! [all start cheering and high-fiving one another.]
–Park Ave & 23rd St
Overheard by: …not very science-y
20-something dude #1: Dude, did you just fart?
20-something dude #2: Shit, that stinks.
20-something dude #1: It smells like a turd wrapped in burnt hair!
20-something dude #2: It smells like Bigfoot’s dick!
20-something dude #1: It smells like the inside of a prosthetic leg!
[Five minutes of same.]20-something chick, exasperated: You know, this isn’t funny anymore!
–Metro-North Train to Poughkeepsie
Overheard by: Jenni
Female college student on cell: Sorry, there was an incident. She was eating string cheese, and I told her she looked like a walrus. So she tried to smack me in the face but she couldn't, and I ran into the bathroom. So she tried to hit me with the string cheese, but I was like your string cheese will get all fuzzy. So she smacked me in the face with the cheese.
–Penn Station
Girl on phone: And then I stuck a string cheese in the microwave. Yeah, in the wrapper.
–57th & 7th
Sexy guy, looking at orchestra program description of movement "con brio": Does that mean "with cheese"?
–Camerata Notturna Concert, W. 57th St
Overheard by: Ladle
Older European woman to another: She's fine with the reference to cheese. I mean, she can eat cheese, just not the real kind.
–Union Square
Hipster: So she writes everything down in her cheese diary…
–Bedford & 4th
Short girl #1: So after my mom met my boyfriend she was all, “He seems a lot more interesting than you.”
Short girl #2: Well, obviously. That's just our fruit to bear.
–NYU Alumni Hall Elevator
Overheard by: Philouza
Loud woman on cell: I suck your dick and we can't be Facebook friends?
–20th St & 6th Ave
Guy to buddies in the passing Skyfari car: Yo, that building over there… That's the building where I got that $5 blowjob.
–Skyfari, Bronx Zoo
Overheard by: Stefan Yonker
Young man, dismissively: I could fucking suck cocks for a living, it doesn't matter!
–St. Mark's Place & 2nd Ave
Middle schooler, wrestling in Aids memorial: Ooops, I sucked your dick!
–Hudson River Park
Overheard by: Nina & Phil
Middle-school girl to mother: My e-mail password is "blowjob".
–L Train
Japanese teacher: So the ‘sou desu’ form is used when you want to say something seems like something else. Like, Tanaka San seems happy — you could say ‘Tanaka San wa ureshisou desu.’
Student #1: What if he’s smiling and he just won the lottery? Would you have to say he seems happy, or could you say that he is happy?
Japanese teacher: Well, you are not Tanaka San — he could find the money to be a burden — so you’d have to use ‘sou desu.’
Student #2: What if he’s yelling that he’s happy?
Japanese teacher: He could be lying. You never know with Tanaka San…
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Vicksburg
