Wednesday One-Liners Are a Household Name

English teacher, telling student how to read play: Brian, you're like Martin Luther King meets 50 Cent!

–English Class, Bronx HS of Science

Overheard by: Lillian

Woman answering cell on bus: You saw Beyoncé? (everyone stares) Sorry. Did you say, "Hi, fiancée," or "I saw Beyoncé"?"

–126 Bus

Loud fat hipster chick: So she said I'm like Britney Spears with Lindsay Lohan's body, because my weight fluctuates like Lohan's. And I'm okay with that, because you know what? Lohan is a great celebrity. I mean, look, Kate Winslet is lovely and all, but what is she doing tonight? Sitting on a couch somewhere, drinking moderately probably. What is Lohan doing? Probably something really gay and coked up. I'd rather be gay and coked up than drinking moderately on a couch, any day of the week.

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: Jas

Metal kid: I smell like Robert Downey, Jr.

–Don Pedro's, Boerum & Manhattan, Brooklyn

Overheard by: LP

Hobo: I always thought Madonna was a trashy white cunt.

–Restaurant Row

Overheard by: Al-master

Guy to girl: You know, I'm sure you're a wonderful lover, and you don't need to be comparing yourself to Lance Armstrong. Like, that's just a fool's game.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Helena

Posted on May 20, 2009
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bronx Science, Brooklyn, Bus, Classroom, Cocaine, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Diet/Weight, Drinking & Drunk People, Duane Reade, Fat People, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, History & Geography, Hobos, Insults, Music, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Park Slope, Passengers, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Students, Teachers/Professors, The Bronx, Theater & Dance, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

I See We're Keeping It Real

Teenage girl #1: We are getting older and going through puberty, we have a lot of new stuff to learn.
Teenage girl #2: Yeah, like you just taught me about keefing, or what was it queefing? Yeah, queefing.

–Central Park

Posted on May 16, 2009
Age/Aging, Central Park, Education, Girls, Parks, Questions, Teens, Words

Blame the Marx Brothers for This, Dear Reader

Five year old to dad: Look, dad, we're going over the bridge!
Dad to five-year-old son, in admonishing tone: Remember? It's not a bridge; it's a viaduct.

–F Train

Overheard by: 27 year old who thought it was a bridge, too

Posted on May 15, 2009
Dads, Kids, On the Subway, Parents, Public Transportation, Stupidity, Words

I Thought “Twat” Was the Past Tense Of “Twit”

Girl to mother: Twat!
Mother: You mean “twit”.
Girl: No, I mean “twat”.
Mother: Honey, a twat is a woman's vagina.
Girl: Get out.

–28th & 7th

Posted on May 12, 2009
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Girls, Moms, Parents, Vagina, Weirdness, Words

You've Got Some Set Of Wednesday One-Liners on You, Buddy!

Woman on cell: I'd love to watch football with you. I'll even hold the balls.

–92nd & Lexington

Boyfriend to guy sitting between him and his girlfriend: Hey man, can you slide over? I need some ball space over here.

–Uptown 4 Train

20-something chick: I aim for as many balls as possible.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Meister

Woman to male Target employee: Do you have balls? (brief awkward pause) Like playing ones…

–Target, Queens

Mother to kids: Okay, raise your hand if you don't have balls! (group of boys eagerly raise their hands)

–LIRR

Overheard by: Chadwick

Posted on April 29, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Balls, Boyfriends, Clerks, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Football, Girls, Guys, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Promiscuity, Queens, Questions, Store, Trains Not Subway, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

Wednesday Has His Cake and Eats One-Liners, Too

Teen on cell: Man, it's really hard to be bi-curious around gay guys you don't like.

–L Train

Older gay man: Oh, it must be wonderful to be bisexual! I mean, bilingual.

–69th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ana

Girl to friend: My boyfriend is bi. I told him I didn't want him making out with other girls. Other boys are fine, because they don't kiss on the mouth as much.

–Europa Cafe, 53rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Sam

Large black man on cell: Yeah, you know, baby, this is the city. Eeeeverybody's bisexual!

–Battery Park

Overheard by: Modern Guilt

Posted on April 29, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Battery Park, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Girls, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Languages, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Queer guys, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Sexuality, Street, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Words

Why Do I Feel Like I Need a Cigarette Now?

Man: You know…fuck that shit.
Woman: Chuck! I've never heard you use that word before.
Man: Oh, yeah? Fuck fuckin' fuckity fuck fuck!
Woman: Wow.
Man: Fuckin' motherfucker two-ball bitch! Let's get the fuck outta here.

–Starbucks, Astor Place

Overheard by: Joanna Lin