Hobo: Hey, excuse me, excuse me…Excuse me. I just want to tell you that you are a beautiful girl. Really, no, really, you beautiful. You should go to Hollywood. You stay beautiful, girl, and remember you will always be beautiful…Just don’t get fat.
Girl: Well that’s the most honest compliment I’ve ever gotten.
–F train
Overheard by: kdice
Caribbean woman #1: …and so I tol’ him, “You betta take your balls, put them in your hand, and do ya job.”
Caribbean woman #2: Mmm hmm.
–Q33 bus
Guy: I was like, “Mom, listen…if a nuclear bomb goes off in New York City, then I’m going to worry about melting before radiation poisoning.”
–53rd & 6th
Overheard by: J-Mo
Pissed off gay guy on phone: What should you have said? Oh, I don’t know, maybe "Hi, I’m Michael, I have syphilis!"
–13th & Broadway
Guy: That’d be a great gig, but I don’t know if you want to be the face of venereal disease.
–Cafe Esperanto
Woman coming off train: Get away from me! You got AIDS on yo’ dick!
–R Train
Overheard by: going to the clinic
Chick: As long as it’s not AIDS it’s okay. I’m vaccinated against everything except AIDS.
–Columbia University
20-something male talking to friend: You know the way I see it: AIDS will kill you, herpes is just an inconvenience…
–34th between 2nd and 3rd
Overheard by: LadyEDdy
Columbia student, on her public health exam: I just didn’t know where to put the gonorrhea! It had to go somewhere, I just couldn’t figure out where!
–School of Public Heatlh, Columbia University
Loud guy: So he gave her a venereal disease. That’s not a reason to marry her!
–Blue Hill Restaurant
Crazy guy: There is something wrong with Winthrop Street. Do not get off the train there! You ever notice how they never say ‘Winthrop Street’? They say Franklin, President, Sterling, then it’s Wooothup. Never trust anybody who can’t say clearly what they mean.
Disembodied train voice: This is President Street. The next stop will be Sterling Street.
Crazy guy: You see?! President! Sterling! You do not want to get off this train at Winthrop!
–2 train
Overheard by: Got off at President
Skinny NYU girl #1: Oh my god, I couldn’t believe it happened. It’s one of those things you have nightmares about.
Skinny NYU girl #2: I know. Don’t people know they shouldn’t eat for at least two hours before?
Skinny NYU girl #1: Duh, totally. Who farts in the middle of yoga class?
Skinny NYU girl #2: She’ll have to go to therapy for months.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Michelle Eisenberg
Dude #1: …so do you think I can have dibs on her, or is that not a good idea?
Dude #2: What do you mean?
Dude #1: Well, she had an abortion six weeks ago.
Dude #2: Oh dude, what are you doing!?
Dude #1: Yeah, but can't she not get pregnant because she just had an abortion?
Dude #2: Oh, that's a good point. I don't think that works like that…
Dude #1: But it was six weeks ago.
Dude #2: Oh, I thought you said six months ago! Yeah, man, you got a sweet deal there. I can't believe your luck, where do you keep meeting these women!?
–Bathroom, Fordham University
Overheard by: Martin Van Nostrand
Sad teen girl: I'm just sad… We had to talk about love and soulmates in English class.
Teen friend: We're teenagers. You gotta be shallow and superficial. That love and soulmate shit is for grownups.
–E Train
Overheard by: grown-up
Woman #1: He’s crazy.
Woman #2: No, no, no. See, when you say “crazy” I’m thinkin’ crazy, like smashing-car-windows crazy.
–Atlantic Center
Chick #1: I know he’s crazy.
Chick #2: Right, so you should be able to be like, “He’s crazy”, and
leave him.
Chick #1: But I’m used to his level of craziness.
–47th & Madison
Patron: What do you suggest if I don't want red meat?
Luger's waiter: Another restaurant.
–Peter Luger's
Overheard by: glad I didn't ask for their tofu dish
