Wednesday-One-Liners Call ‘Fowl’

Guy: He’s really cool as Chickenhawks go.

–E 15th St, near Stuyvesant Park

Preppy girl: Oh my god, this salad is bangin’, but it needs chicken. I need some motherfuckin’ chicken on my motherfuckin’ salad!

–McDonald’s, Broadway

Mother to daughter: Stand over here. Birds be shittin’.

–Near Penn Station

Overheard by: Checking for pigeons

Guy, looking at man walking duck on leash: That’s just like the duck I used to have!

–Central Park

Man, scared by parrot’s loud screech : What the fuck was that? A duck?

–86th St & 2nd Ave

Man: If I was homeless, I would totally get a big trash bag and stuff it with pigeon feathers. It would be like a big down comforter.

–9th St & 1st Ave

Hipster girl: I know. Pigeon shit and Clorox! If I’m not dead next week it will be a miracle!

–St. Marks & 1st Ave

Overheard by: off white

Posted on July 2, 2023
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-liners Rocket

Girl on cell: Oh my god, I’m shopping with my mom, and she’s shopping for dildos!

–8th & University

Posted on June 29, 2023
All Wednesday One-Liners, Kids, Manhattan, Masturbation, Moms, On Cell, Parents, Shopping

Wednesday One-Liners Never Sleep Either

Queer on cell: You want me to plan something seasonal? In New York City? You mean, like drinking pumpkin lattes in Starbucks?

–E 78th & York

Overheard by: Hollie G.

Hippie hobo: Man, look at those guys out there, working in the tunnels with all that shit. I’d rather be a park ranger, man. Watch me go get another picnic basket! [Pause] God, get me out of this fucking city. New York sucks. I just want to build a tree house.

–Uptown 1 train

Guy to car that nearly hits him as he crosses street against the light: Fuck you! Welcome to New York!

–19th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer

Ghetto chick: You got a homeless guy blowing kisses at you. You’re a real New Yorker now.

–58th & 8th

Tourist dad to young daughter after seeing two hobos: It’s a New York City thing, honey.

–R train

Woman on cell: I’m walking in an urban landscape. I said I’m walking in an urban landscape!

–78th & Park Ave

Conductor: If you step out of the door, the rest of New York can keep going.

–1 train

Overheard by: Xavier

Posted on June 28, 2023
All Wednesday One-Liners, Manhattan, Only in New York

The Language of Wednesday One-liners

Woman: “Medium.” What’s medium mean?

–Rite Aid, Grand Central

Overheard by: Mel

Posted on June 25, 2023
All Wednesday One-Liners, Store, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners Get Blotto Like Otto

Blonde to other: Don't worry, within like an hour you'll have Jameson running through your system.

–Staten Island Ferry Terminal

Girl on cell: I'm kind of hungover–I think that gin and tonic was a bad idea. I was already drunk, I don't know why I felt the need to have one… And then I went home and made scrambled eggs, and then I wrote a long email to Jen* about how good they were and then I read it this morning and I was like "I am such an idiot!"

–Broadway & Great Jones

Overheard by: Lillian

Sorority girl on cell: Well, I'm going to have some champagne, but it's not like I'm knocking back shots with the guys. (pause) Yeah, I know, I know, I'll be careful. (pause) Don't worry, mom, I've done worse drugs than drink before! (long pause) I don't want to talk about it. (long long pause) So…I'm going to go horseback riding!

–Broadway & 34th St, Astoria

Overheard by: Horsies Are Pretty

Bartender: Ladies and gentlemen! Don't run away from or by the bar! You have an hour to walk to your seats. Again, please do not run from the bar, run to it!

—Wicked, Broadway

Girl to friend: I only get tipsy enough to go into the Virgin Megastore…

–2nd Ave & 10th St

Overheard by: Jonathan

Man to friend, about AA: Y'know, if I could drink like normal people, I'd get drunk every night.

–Central Park

Overheard by: John Tidyman

Girl to friend: When I told you to seize the moment I didn't know you were drunk!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Rebecca

Posted on June 15, 2023
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Astoria, Bars & Clubs, Bartenders, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Customers, Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Drunks, Family Ties, Food, Friends, Girls, Internet, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Shopping, Sorority Girls, Sports, Staten Island Ferry, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners

Nobody Puts Wednesday One-Liners in the Corner

Girl: Her baby was premature, and she already has health problems. She only has one liver.

–Puck Fair, Lafayette St

Girl: A human baby takes seven or eight weeks to look adorable. A puppy is cute right away.

–31st Ave & 44th St, Queens

Overheard by: Jake

Guy: Where is that crying baby coming from? It better not be in that trash can.

–18th St & 5th Ave

Woman on cell in bathroom stall: Well, shit, I wouldn’t had his baby if I’d known he was on drugs! Hang on… No, I’m in da bafroom. Da bafroom! Ok, later.

–Bathroom in office building, 51st St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: I’m using the one downstairs from now on…

Guy on cell: I wish the baby could go back into your stomach.

–Columbus Circle train station

Teen thug girl holding the Click DVD: Wait, we’re buying this and not baby food?

–Lincoln Park

Overheard by: WTF

Posted on June 13, 2023
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners Won’t Give Peace A Chance

Black guy: Man, niggas got guns. You don’t know what they gonna do.

–Astor Place

Overheard by: couldn’t stop laughing

Hungry guy: Tell him I’m gonna kick his ass! Tell him I’m gonna fuck him up, and tell him to bring food.

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Autumn

Mother of the Year: My momma said, “All you gotta do is beat the hell out the biggest one of them, and the rest will fall in line.” And she was right, too.

–23rd & 11th

Woman on cell: She went and married that man who her first husband shot her for goin’ out with.

–Foley Square

Enthusiastic guy: Yeah! Come down to Ditmars and get your ass whipped! Just come on down to Ditmars and get your ass whipped. Yeah! We’ll whip your ass. So just come down to Ditmars. You’ll get your ass whipped.

–N train, Queensboro Plaza

Overheard by: Richard Berman

Amateur chiropractor: She told the cops I hit her with a golf club. I didn’t hit that bitch with no golf club. If I hit that bitch with a golf club, her neck would be broken.

–Behind Pathmark, 125th St

Overheard by: wadotron

Happy hobo: Oh man! Oh man! [Hugs friend repeatedly] Now I’m gonna kick your ass!

–G train

Overheard by: greenpoint blank

Posted on June 12, 2023
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cops, Crime and Punishment, Food, Parents, Punch, Shoot, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Weirdness

Another Round of Wednesday One-Liners

Woman: She brought a bottle of vodka on the plane with her. She was doing shots the whole flight.

–Central Park

Overheard by: sarah

Conductor: The next stop is Cherry Hill, but for the men singing, it was alcohol.

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Date Rape

Smooth operator: Don’t worry, I thought you were pretty before I got drunk.

–Subway

Party girl: Yeah, so I did like 10 shots and woke up the next day wearing only one shoe and a sombrero.

–51st St & Broadway

Hobo: Ladies and gentlemen, I have spent all my money on alcohol and marijuana and drugs… But now, I have learned my lesson. I want to spend all your money on alcohol and marijuana and drugs… and viagra…

–Union Square, uptown 6 train

Guy: Dude, I can’t get that drunk. I am trying to fuck that girl tonight.

–Outside Columbia dorm

Bimbette: Oh my god, it was a terrorist act! I’m going to the wine bar.

–68th St & York

Posted on June 8, 2023
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Beauty, Bimbettes, Central Park, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Conductors, Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Ew, Jersey, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Homeless, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, Pick-up Lines, Places, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Terrorism, Topics, Upper East Side, Venues, Weed, Women, Yeaaahhh College!

Wednesday One-Glove-Liners

20-something female shopkeeper to coworker, as Michael Jackson's "Rock with You" plays on the radio: Did you hear he's sick? Apparently, he's in the hospital. I know, it's crazy. Can you imagine if he dies? If he dies, that'll be, like, the most awful thing to happen to America in years!

–Pet Food Store

Overheard by: Nathalie

Suit on cell: What if Michael Jackson sucking your dick was the cure for cancer?

–8th & Broadway

Man, lighting cigarette: So what'd he die from? A sunburn?

–Chambers St. & West Broadway

Middle aged black lady on cell: If you can get Michael Jackson on a condom box it would definitely sell.

–MacDougal & 8th St

Nine-year-old boy, pointing to a newspaper article, to younger sister: Oh yeah, that guy? He was fifty. He used to be a black guy but made himself become white.

–Canal & Orchard, Chinatown

Overheard by: Lauren T.

Large tattooed man, discussing Michael Jackson: One of those kids is his; the other two can't be, they're white. They were all unofficially inseminated, though.

–Delancey & Essex