Raging hipster: Take back New York!
80-year-old woman: Oooh, shove it.
–Coney Island
Overheard by: sen
Raging hipster: Take back New York!
80-year-old woman: Oooh, shove it.
–Coney Island
Overheard by: sen
Conductor: We have eleven cars today. If we only have five cars tomorrow, don't have short term memory loss and say, "five cars, this happens all the time."
–Metro North
Hot dog vendor to guys standing behind stand: 100 times I've fucked, and have 98 kids.
–Outside Metropolitan Museum of Art
Teen hipster girl to friend : On a scale of one to ten, how many cars are coming?
–33rd St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Erika
Angry man on cell: Don't talk to me like that! I'll leave you! I will leave you! You know how many women there are in this world? (pause) A thousand!
–45th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Native Ear
Conductor, as train finally leaves the station after long delay: Listen people, do not hold the doors open! I'm going to send y'all to your room!
–2 Train
Train conductor: Please stand clear of the closing doors. Attention everyone, the doors are stuck and will not be closing anytime soon. Please stand clear of the closing doors.
–G Train
Overheard by: Sunny
Conductor: Sir, please remove your head from the closing doors!
–Downtown B Train
Train conductor: Please do not hold the train doors open. I will stop this train and make everyone get off if you keep holding the doors. Then the other passengers will be very mad at you. If you really want to hold the doors open, get a job with the MTA, and then you can hold them open until the cows come home.
–E Train
Overheard by: Ally
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, please wait for the doors to completely close before leaning on them. Please do not lean on the doors.
–N Train
Overheard by: erkala
Conductor: This is the 7 train. Get ready to jump off. Easy on, easy off. No one's been holding any doors. Good job, people!
–7 Train
Overheard by: Jeff L.
Buff guy with tattoos: I wish I could just stop time and fuck them all!
–42nd St
Mime on cell: Who the fuck is this?
–2nd Ave & 13th St
Overheard by: Jesse D
Man pacing back and forth on cell: Yo! What the fuck is up with your fucking friend Chris? He just smiled at me and said "I'm going to fuck your wife tonight," and walked away laughing. What the fuck is that all about? (pause) What! You're working a double tonight? The fuck you are! Fuck this shit! I'm coming to get you after I get off.
–210th St & Bainbridge Ave
Overheard by: Gutterlush
Thug on cell: Lavender, potpourri… Whatever the fuck you want, they fucking got it.
–Washington Square Park
Guy on cell, angrily: Yeah, well, I never want to see you again because you're such a bitch. (pause) Whatever, fuck you! (pause) Fuck me? Fuck me? (changes tone) You wanna fuck me? (pause) Yeah, I wanna fuck you, baby… (pause) Yeah, okay, I'll be right back.
–Chelsea Market
Asian girlfriend, yelling: Get out of my store! You always make customers angry!
Asian boyfriend, yelling back: You are the professor of psycho!
–Bodega, Upper West Side
H&M employee: The manager will be here in 20 minutes.
Angry female customer: Look, I just want to return these pants here and I gotta go to the bathroom, so I'm gonna be urinatin' on the floor!
–H&M Store
Female suit #1: You know how irritating it get?
Female suit #2: In what way?
Female suit #1: When it turns all red and hangs off to the side…
Female suit #2: Mine doesn't do that!
–42nd St & Lexington
Overheard by: Michael B
Angry drunk girl to Guido friend she's dragging along: Hey, it's Laura*! (yelling) Hey you, Laura, you fucking slut! I heard you fucked Tommy*! You fucked my boyfriend, you fucking whore!
Laura: Hey, fuck you! I'll fuck whoever I want to fuck.
Angry drunk girl: You fucking slut! I can't fucking believe you!
Laura: Pipe down. His dick is tiny. Get a man with a real package, then I'll fuck him, and then you can complain.
Angry drunk girl: You whore!
Passerby: God, I love me some Bridge and Tunnel on a Saturday night.
Angry drunk girl: Did he just call us “Bridge and Tunnel”?! That dick!
–86th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Actually, it's WHOMever: you'll fuck WHOMever you want to fuck.
Large group of people dressed like Santa: What do we want? Christmas! When do we want it? Now!
–Washington Square
Overheard by: TR
Gay guy on cell: You don't want to see white Christmas. Honey, you don't understand… That was the whitest Christmas I have ever seen.
–Broadway & 43rd
20-something woman to 20-something guy, in April: It wouldn't be Christmas without you.
–Stromboli's Pizza
Mom to child yelling at her: Who do you think you're talking to? That's it, Christmas is over for you!
–135th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Yowza
Normal-looking woman to no one in particular: Look at Santa. The same letters as "Satan." Do you think Christmas has anything to do with Jesus? Where in the Bible does it say Jesus was born on December 24th? I tell you, Santa is Satan.
–Xmas Tree Stand, High School
Staples employee, in response to radio: Man! I want to move to Vietnam, or Pakistan, or wherever the fuck they don't care about Christmas.
–Staples, Union Square
Overheard by: Damon H.
Man to friend during interval: Have you heard about the Scientology Christmas pageant?
–Carnegie Hall
Loud guy running out of building: I'm so mad I could do stuff! I'm so pissed I'm going to do some stuff to him! Aughhhh! I'm gonna do some stuff!
Passerby: Don't make him mad, he's crazy. He'll do… stuff.
–NYU Building, Washington Square
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
