Puppeteer: Do you know who Benjamin Franklin is?
Little boy: There’s no such thing as Benjamin Franklin!
–McDonald’s, 9th Street, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ian
Puppeteer: Do you know who Benjamin Franklin is?
Little boy: There’s no such thing as Benjamin Franklin!
–McDonald’s, 9th Street, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ian
Drunk girl: I think he uses his cancer to be cute.
–Bourgeois Pig, MacDougal St
Freak show barker: I hate cute ventriloquism.
–Outside Coney Island Freak Show
Overheard by: Miss Carrie
Girl, about three-year-old nearby: He’s so cute, I want to kidnap him!
–PATH train
Woman: … And then he pulled out a gun and threatened to kill me. It was so cute.
–Ruby Foo’s, 49th & 8th
Overheard by: Heather
Man to toddler girl: That’s what politicians do. They try to look cute.
–Smith & Union, Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn
Angry woman on cell: I don’t care if you are an ordained fucking minister, you can go straight to fucking hell!
–Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Overheard by: Last-minute shopper
Crazy lady into microphone: Just because you don’t do drugs or have sex doesn’t mean you’re not going to hell!
–Subway station, 43rd & Broadway, Times Square
Teacher: Let’s go to hell!
–Stuyvesant High
Hobo: Is this the train to hell? It is! Oh my god, you’re all in purgatory!
–A train, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Geneva
Scruffy artist type, to self: I’m not in hell, I’m in New York. I’m not in hell, I’m in New York…
–Elevator, Bellevue Hospital
Overheard by: David
Dude #1: Hey, how do you say ‘brains’ in German?
Dude #2: I don’t know. Why?
Dude #1: I need it for that movie I’m making — ‘Nazi Zombies.’
–Barnes & Noble, 8th & 6th
Girl: I can’t believe you did that! Why would you erase one of my songs from my computer?
Boy: Because I hate Jack Johnson! Anyway, you’ve erased some of my art on the computer.
Girl: Do you mean those pictures you took of yourself scowling with no shirt on?
–13th & Ave A
Overheard by: Lark
Hipsterette #1: I just don’t know what to do!
Hipsterette #2: Just be an artist, baby. Paint it out. Paint all your emotions out.
–S 1st & Havemeyer, Williamsburg
Artsy 30-something #1: I remember this one photograph — this beautiful transsexual Latino in a clam like the Venus de Milo.
Artsy 30-something #2: Yes, I actually helped organize that picture.
Artsy 30-something #1: Oh, really? How was she?
Artsy 30-something #2: Beautiful. She lactated.
Artsy 30-something #1: Nice.
–Tea & Sympathy
Overheard by: No milk in my tea, thanks….
Headline by: bri b
Runners-Up:
· “HeShe’s a Lactina.” – Amanda Lee
· “Out of her penis.” – Kate
· “Wait until you see my menstrating Pieta” – Sean McGurr
· “We named it Penis de Milko” – Erez Schatz
Student: I didn’t describe the sculpture, I just said that the combination of her and Weird Al inspired me.
–Hunter College
Overheard by: Haley
Woman: I’m not really into the whole modern art thing — I just don’t like it.
–MoMA
Confused foreign professor: Monet and Picasso are famous painters. George Bush is not.
–NYU
Overheard by: Cait O’Connor
Man to woman after they make out: The problem is, if you’re an artist today and you take a picture of a guy jumping off a bridge in Paris, no one’s going to care.
–Armory Art Fair
JAP: So, are these the real Monets?
–The Met
Overheard by: Charlie Nicholson
Anorexic dancer #1: Dude, so I only have to lose like, twelve more pounds.
Anorexic dancer #2: No way! I’ll never get cast in the workshop performance if I don’t break one hundred.
Anorexic dancer #1: Yeah, you should just give up now.
–School of American Ballet
Girl with violin case: I asked Weijing and she said it was OK.
Hag with eye tick: She must not have understood you. She’s not blond, you know. She’s Chinese.
Girl with violin case: Um, I’m pretty sure she understood me.
–Juilliard
