White woman with two kids: Oh my god! Look! These lollipops are designed to look like the faces of little white children!
Asian woman: Yeah–they're made of molded chocolate.
White woman: I love Asian grocery stores!
White woman's kid: Mommy, mommy! Can I have it? I want to eat the white child!
–New Kam Man, Canal St
Overheard by: office peon can be wary of white people
Lesbian #1: I'm going to eat your face off.
Lesbian #2: Oh!
Lesbian #1: I'm going to eat your face off and it's going to taste like flesh.
–NYC Pride Parade
Overheard by: Rachel
Thug janitor #1, looking down at his fingernails: I get my shit manicured every week.
Thug janitor #2: Yeeeah, yeeeeah, yeeeeah!
–Bathroom, Port Authority
Overheard by: Astonished
Hipster queer: This cigarette tastes like a taint.
Suit queer: That's weird.
Hipster queer: Yeah.
Suit queer: Cause I rubbed it in my armpit.
–NYU
Heavy-set girl: It's just so hard to lose weight, you know.
Friend: What? (pause) I'm sorry, I was lost in your chins.
–34th St
NYU girl #1: Kate's done coke?
NYU girl #2: Yeah.
NYU girl #1: Really?
NYU girl #2: Yeah, but she hasn't done any with her new nose.
NYU girl #1: Oh.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Elena
Girl on cell: I would have had to study way a lot more to do better on that exam.
–72nd St & Broadway
Student: I cheated on every test in that class…I even cheated on the survey!
–Brooklyn Tech
Overheard by: Liz
Guy: I can't decide which song to listen to. (girls around him look at him quizzically) No, I normally listen to Van Halen's Right Now before a test, but this is my first exam in law school, and I want to set a precedent.
–Fordham Law School Cafeteria, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: pumpkin
Guy on phone: Yeah, normally in these situations I'd knock on my head, but I need my brain for the test today, so I'm not going to pretend it's wood.
–Ditmars & 31st St
Overheard by: Natalie
Student on phone: So what? I don't care that they're mad at me for getting pregnant again. I've got bigger things to deal with…two finals in one day.
–Fordham University, Rose Hill
Proctor: Okay, now don't leave any of the answers blank, cause it will be wrong. If you don't know, take a guess. It's like lotto: "Hey, you never know."
–New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene
Overheard by: Kristina
Man on cell: She said I had to pay, so I shat in her mouth and left.
–34th & 5th
Three-year-old boy, looking overjoyed: I have to go poop!
–Store, 18th & Union Square West
Overheard by: i had to go, too!
Woman getting on train, giggling: I got a question…is there a pile of feces on this train?
–A Train
Elderly man on phone: Yesterday I coughed and shat my pants.
–3rd Ave & Fordham
Four-year-old boy, dancing: I like to move it, move it! I like to poop it, poop it!
–E 69th St McDonald's
Overheard by: Leslie
Brunette on cell: And then I told her, "hey hey, I'm not the fecal freak here. Don't go throwing poo at me." I mean really, I don't even like my own poo. I'm supposed to like hers?
–Williamsburg
Dude: That guy with the tattoo on his elbow was gorgeous.
Chick: I didn't see his face.
Dude: He looks like a scumbag.
–57th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Marie
Brunette, after woman walks away from her: Oh great, now I can stick my hand up my skirt.
Blonde: Oh, perfect timing!
–Victoria's Secret, 86th St
