Old man #1: You've seen that guy at the deli. You see behind the counter? The guy's only wearing one glove. Now you can't do all your work with one hand, can you? The lord gave you two for a reason.
Old man #2: Only one man can do magic with one glove. That's Michael Jackson.
Old man #1: And his magic done run out.
–M10 Bus
Overheard by: Alexandra
Random guy sitting at bar: I just wanted to let you know that your freckles are truly beautiful.
20-something girl: Uh…thanks.
Random guy sitting at bar: Ya, a girl without freckles is like a night without stars.
–Murray Hill Bar
Bouncer on phone: I don't care if they is balding, got big guts or little dicks!
–Houston & Lafayette
Overheard by: chiddox
Flaming gay man to lover: You have a small dick that never gets erect, and you are not in my will!
–Avenue St John & Kelly Streets, Bronx
Overheard by: Li'l Squeaker
Hobo: Stop controlling my eyeballs to look at your dick!
–Times Square
30-something man: Waaaaait, did they say "dick in cider" or "dick inside her"?
–7th St & St. Mark's
Overheard by: Juicy
High school kid: I wish I had two dicks. (pause) So both of my hands have something to do in class.
–Q27 Bus Stop
Overheard by: cough.cough.cough
Woman on phone: It's not about you, it's about your small dick.
–Times Square
Girl to friend: So you're going to tutor his dick, right?
–University & 10th St
5th grader to friends on stairs: So my brother burned a hole in the floor so we could spy on the neighbors.
–The Spence School
Overheard by: urbanadventurer
Hot 20-something: If another mediocre man hits on me after another mediocre meal I am going to burn the city down!
–1 Train
20-something to friend: The house burnt down, and now my dad has no eyebrows. No really, he has no eyebrows.
–Thompkin Square Park
Yuppie guy: You know, I think heartburn is the best kind of burn someone could have.
–Bleecker & Jones
Overheard by: Jas
Five-year-old boy, singing: Let the train, let the train, let the train be on fire!
(continues for a few minutes) Let China, let China, let China be on fire!
–F Train
Subway conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, this train is being held due to a…slight fire at the next station.
–C Train
Overheard by: G.
Announcer guy: Hey girl, I love your face. And Charmin loves the other end!
–Charmin NYC Restrooms, Times Square
Overheard by: Nathan
Drunk boyfriend: Thanksgiving is over, and so is our love!
–Grand & Leonard, Williamsburg
Overheard by: fanny
Subway busker, about next song: This is not a love song. The reason that this is not a love song is because I don't like her anymore.
–Time Square
Philosophy professor on last day of class: If you love something, set it free. And if it flies away, run after it and kill it.
–City College
Overheard by: Dan Lurie
20-something guy to friend sharing iPod with him: I would do anything to live there…I would pretend to be in love.
–Downtown 6 Train
Overheard by: dallas
Woman on cell: I will skin and tar you. (pause) Oh, I love you!
–W Broadway & W 3rd St
Random guy: Don't worry, I have metal parts. That comes off.
Guy next to him: Wait…what?
–NYU Poly
Hot girl: Did you see the videos online of Florence Henderson wiping dog poop on some girl's face?
Even hotter girl: No, what the hell are you talking about?
Hot girl: Some video on YouTube.
–Rockefeller Center
Student laying on hallway floor: It has to be bare balls to be called “tea bagging.”
Student standing over him: I am not putting my bare balls into your mouth!
Student laying on hallway floor: I'm not asking you to!
–Columbia University
Ghetto girl: So I used his razor to shave my armpits and he got all pissed talkin' bout germs and shit. I told him, “with all the humpin' we's been doin' I think I'm the one who needs to be worried about germs with all your STDs!”
Ghetto friend: Word.
–6 Train
Drunk sorority girl #1: My feet hurt.
Creepy hobo: Do you need someone to rub 'em for you, baby?
Drunk sorority girl #2: Violated! Violated!
–Bleecker & McDougal
