Uptight, Greg-type dude: Doesn't it hurt to sit with your legs like that?
Cheerful, Dharma-type chick, in lotus position on bar stool: Nope!
Uptight, Greg-type dude, after short pause: I shall pray for you, my dear.
–St. Mark's Ale House, St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: Amber Star
Conductor yelling in Indian accent: Please get in the train, it's not that crowded. (door closes and opens again) Get in the freaking train, it's not Mumbai, there is space, and keep you limbs inside the train, please!
–E Train
Overheard by: Ting
Loud man as doors open on a packed rush-hour train: What you need to do is…put out your hand and say, "no, you will not fit." And then, if that don't work, take your umbrella, and open it up.
–4 Train
Seated woman to older lady leaning over her: Lady, back your fupa up!
–F Train
Overheard by: pwolf
Conductor: This train is tooo crowded, folks. There is another train behind us that looks just like this one. Take a look at this train, then wait for something that looks just like it.
–6 Train
Little tourist boy: There are more people in here than in all of New York!
–Dillan's Candy Store
Queen #1: Well, you know she's bulimic now, right?
Queen #2: I know! It's so sad! Once she loses all that weight she's just going to figure out she has an ugly face.
–N Train
Overheard by: Andrea
Girl #1: So did you make out?
Girl #2: No, but I threw up in my mouth a little.
–13th & Broadway
Overheard by: I hope you had a mint afterwards
Concerned teacher: Where is Ronald Reagan? Who took Ronald Reagan?
–ACORN High School for Social Justice
Middle aged lady to companion: Ronald McDonald has his nose up Hello Kitty's dress.
–Macy's Balloon Inflation before Thanksgiving Day Parade
Hobo: If you ever touch Halle Berry, I'll fucking smack you!
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: Margot
Girl yelling to friend getting out of cab: Get back here before I bite you in the face like Chris Brown!
–St. Mark's Place & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Janelle
Stoner, as credits roll for movie Push: Dude…fuck Dakota Fanning!
–Palace Theatre
Guy: But come on, it's the Jonas Brothers in 3-D. It's like pimples and eyebrows, comin' at'cha!
–E 17th St
Overheard by: the Big R
Happy-go-lucky hobo: Liza Minelli? I thought that bitch was dead. (singing at the top of his lungs) I want to be a part of it…New York, New York!
–47th & 7th
Overheard by: Jesse Cromer
Party girl, bending over to pet a dog tied to a mailbox: Hi, puppy!
Male friend: Don't do that, don't pet a strange dog.
Random black guy, barking: He gonna bite your hand!
Party girl: I'm going to bite your hand.
Random black guy: You bite my hand, I bite yo booty.
–Hudson & 10th
Overheard by: erkala
Three-year-old boy, refusing to get in stroller: Shit! Shit! Shit, mommy! Shit!
–Chelsea Market
Overheard by: Sarah
Young boy, yelling after hearing Jesus freaks preach: What a bunch of shit that is!
–7th Ave & 33rd St
Overheard by: Colleen
Hobo drinking Red Bull: This is Red Bull shit!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: RevolutionSuzi
30-something lady on cell: I'm gonna be shitting my brains out later.
–Astoria
Seasoned-looking guy, watching hobo pee in the middle of a subway car: I ain't never seen that shit before. That shit is brand new!
–4 Train
Overheard by: i will be traumatized forever
Menacing black woman on phone: I'mma go home and shit on my girlfriend's China.
–Pratt Institute
Overheard by: Penelope
Student #1: Well, one reason that we see a lot of tongues in Japanese monster culture might be because of an inherent aversion to bodily fluids! Like I heard Japanese people take showers before and after sex.
Student #2: Plus, in Hentai there's always way more fluids in the sex scenes than there really should be.
Student #3: Besides, there's a lot of tongue use in sex.
Professor: Well, why do you suppose that is?
Student #3: Because you like, lick stuff! Jeez!
–East Asian Studies Class, Columbia University
Overheard by: Vicksburg
Middle aged drunk woman: Excuse me sir, do you know what nasal douching is?
Random 20-something guy: Uh, I think it's when you stick your nose up in there and blow it out or something.
–Grand Central
Woman to friend: I woke up, and he was fucking my ear! Fucking my ear! Fuck. Ing. My. Ear!
–Walker & Canal
Overheard by: office peon
Girl on cell: So yeah, he just kinda turned to her, handed her some napkins and told her to prepare herself for a good fingering.
–New Jersey Transit
Girl in school hallway: Nasty little tenth graders having sex in the stairwells…
–Bard High School Early College
Guy to another: There's only three things people need in this world. Sex. Food. (pause) Yeah, okay, that's it.
–125th & Lexington
Student #1: (makes elaborate point with with ample hand gesticulation)
Student #2: Oh wow. You just made love to me with words.
–113th & Broadway
Crazy lady: Santa ain't comin' to Brooklyn! And I'll be drunk tomorrow, don't you ring my bell! (gets off train and leaves bag. 20-something guy gives it to her) Have we had sex before!? We should have sex! I like you! (doors start closing) We should really have sex!
–C Train
