Six-year-old son, indicating sex shop: Can I?! I want to go in there!
Frazzled mother: No. Just… no.
–Christopher, between Bleecker & Hudson
Overheard by: Colleen
Six-year-old son, indicating sex shop: Can I?! I want to go in there!
Frazzled mother: No. Just… no.
–Christopher, between Bleecker & Hudson
Overheard by: Colleen
Tween boy #1: Where is he? He owes me fucking ten dollars.
Tween boy #2: This is really gay.
Random girl: I’m offended, you retards!
–W 34th St
Chick on cell: It attacked me this morning. I attacked it this afternoon.
–113th St
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Six-year-old boy on train platform to grown man eyeing him: Stop looking at me or I'm going to beat you up!
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Turning away now.
Hipster on cell: Wait…so he hit you with the broom first, right?
–60th & Lex
Overheard by: Easy Does It
Shopper on her cell: If one of these little kids steps on my toes one more time I'm gonna pinch the motherfuckers.
–Ikea in Red Hook
Woman in bathroom: No, there's no toilet paper. You wanna throw down?
–Port Authority
Hipster guy to hipster chick: …and he's like, "I didn't come; why is there so much come all over?" And she's like, "Oh, you're number 23." So he's like, "Oh, okay." And he starts pounding away again!
–Bedford & 11th, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Woman, with her mouth about an inch from a guy, about to kiss him: I can't, I already had sex with three guys today.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Derek
Girl to friend: I'm really worried about her. I think she has a serious case of slutism.
–66th & Columbus
Preppy girl on cell: Yeah, so apparently "Happy hour Tuesday" equals "Walk of shame Wednesday." I just wish I could've been working at my job for more than a week before I walked in reeking of shame and spermicide. (pause) Actually, I wish the spermicide thing was true. Then I wouldn't have to drop $50 bucks today on plan B.
–Wall St
Teenage boy on cell: She's still sleeping with my brother. I mean, my brother is sleeping with like ten other girls…but she's in his regular rotation.
–Starbucks, Montague Street
NYU student on cell: But logic doesn't call you back. Logic sleeps with you and leaves in the morning.
–Kimmel Center
Girl #1: Wait, so vampires can get mortals pregnant?
Boy: Mmm-hmm.
Girl #2: Yep. Vampires can get mortals pregnant, but mortals can't get vampires pregnant, because vampires just can't get pregnant at all.
–TKTS Booth, Times Square
Overheard by: Clueless Bystander
Boy: Mommy, I see the eagle.
Mom: Congratulations, what do you want, a fucking medal?
Pause
Mom: And there are two of them!
–Birds of Prey exhibit, Bronx Zoo
Overheard by: Cam
Boy: So, do you wanna come up and meet the puppy?
Girl: Ohmigod! Like, a live one?
Boy: Yeah.
Girl: Oh my god, I looove the live ones!
–54th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Alyssa
Mom: We should call up doctor Katz* so he can check you up, figure out your measurements and percentiles.
Kid: I like it when I pee in the cup!
Mom: Oh, do you?
Kid (as they exit the train): Yeah. Do you like the cup mommy? Do you? Do you?
–1 Train
Overheard by: RG
Son: Ya know, every time I go to a family reunion I discover a new family member I didn’t know existed.
Dad: Such as?
Son: Did you know about Grandma?
–4 train
Teen boy #1: Nah, nigga, she can’t be Spanish. She too skinny.
Teen boy #2: She’s Spanish, yo.
Teen boy #1: I tell you, she ain’t from Spain. She’s from Europe. She has a Euro-sounding name.
Teen boy #2: Maybe she’s Mexican.
Teen boy #1: Yeah, she could be Mexican.
–Tompkins Square Park
Overheard by: Heather
