Wednesday One-Liners from H-E Double Hockey Sticks

Guy looking at books, to no one in particular: I don’t want to hear or see anything about the devil, demons, voodoo or big hairy black guys.

–Barnes & Noble

Overheard by: 153

Guy hawking pamphlets: How to sucker punch the devil right in the ass!

–W 12th & Brodway

Overheard by: Why didn’t I get that pamphlet?!

Coworker about colleague: Every time he comes by here the number 666 comes up.

–1250 Broadway

Punk kid, walking past a group of nuns: Hail Satan!

–Waverly & Greene

Professor: I don’t want to be saved, I want to go to hell. I’ll meet interesting people there!

–Cooper Union, Astor Place

Overheard by: Hopefully not me!

Crazy older lady screaming on cell: You what? You are buying soda? You are going to go to fucking hell! Don’t you remember the promise you made to god? You’re probably standing in line with some goddamn candy too. You are going to hell!

–W Train

Overheard by: DR G LUV

Posted on September 18, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Compare/Contrast, Coworkers, Crazies, Drinks, Fears, Flyer people, Food, Guys, Old People, On the Subway, Punks, Questions, Satan, Store, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-Liner, Huh! What Is It Good For?

JAP on cell: If more people wore glitter there would no war.

–Therapy Store

Crazy old guy: I want a dog for president. You know why? Dogs don't start wars.

–31St & Ditmars, Astoria

Overheard by: Randi and Patrick

(at an anti-war rally)
Street vendor: Say no to war, say yes to Louis Vuitton!

–Midtown

Overheard by: Oh the irony

50-something guy on cell: You see, we are a military agency, not a government agency. (pause) So when I punched out that Homeland Security guy, I punched out a civilian.

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: Ksenia

Eight-year-old boy: I dare you to fight in the civil war!

–7 Train

Posted on August 14, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Boys, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, JAPs, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, President, Punch, Retail Therapy, Store, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, War, We Love Our Pets, Words

Don't Make Me Move You to the Midwest, Son

Cool black guy: I loooooves me some women. Ha, that's why I can't ever be gay, you know? (under breath) I loves me some women…
Young boy with him: I think a gay guy would say the same thing about men.

–E 14th St & 1st Ave

Posted on August 14, 2015
Black People, Boys, Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Gays and Lesbians, Men, Union Square and East Village

You're Thirty-Five, Sweetheart

Mom: You could have held the door for me, Tommy, that's what a man does.
Tommy: I'm a boy.

–Hallway, Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center

Posted on August 12, 2015
Boys, Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Default, Etiquette, Gender issues, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Upper East Side

Home Depot Also Sells the Industrial Grade Belt-Driven Kind

Little boy: Do you have 25 cents?
Older sister: What? No… You don’t need a tampon.
Little boy: No, I want a napkin.
Older sister: You don’t need those, either.
Little boy: I want a napkin for my face! [Reads off dispenser] See? Nap-kin.
Older sister: Those aren’t napkins like we use at the table. They’re… um… y’know, ladies’ things, like Mommy uses.
Little boy: Ohhh…

–Ladies’ room, Home Depot, Bed-Stuy

Overheard by: Pippa

Posted on August 11, 2015
Boys, Default, Families, Girls, Kids, Menstruation, Store

Wednesday One-liners by Eve Ensler

Teen boy: You aren’t pussy-whipped. She’s your mother.

–77th between 2nd & 3rd

Overheard by: Carl G

Posted on August 11, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Family Ties, Teens, Upper East Side

Wasn’t “Open Sesame” the First Login?

Teenage boy #1: It’s gotten to the point that I have like 20 logins. I can’t remember them all!
Teenage boy #2: Yeah, the guy who invented logins must be loaded!

–4 Train

Posted on August 10, 2015
Boys, Default, Gripes, Internet, Money & Class, On the Subway, Teens

Girls Just Can't Resist Forbidden Fruit

Boy: I'm gay.
Girl: (laughs)
Boy: But what if I was really?
Girl: Then I'd cop a feel.

–All Points West Festival

Overheard by: then I'm gay too

Posted on August 4, 2015
Boys, Default, Ew, Jersey, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Parades & Festitivites, Questions

The Supreme Court Adores Distinctions Like That

Girl: Ugh. I hate rude people!
Boy: Umm…you're wearing sunglasses indoors.
Girl: That's not rude, that's pretentious.

–Port Authority

Overheard by: steph

Posted on August 2, 2015
Boys, Compare/Contrast, Fashion, Girls, Gripes, Port Authority

Guess That Explains the Spiked Collar

Six-year-old boy: Can I pet your dog?
Hot girl: Sure, but she’s a little crazy.
Six-year-old boy: Ahhh, so is my sister [points to four-year-old]. Maybe they’re related!
Four-year-old sister: Grrr…

–14th & 7th

Overheard by: dan finnegan

Posted on August 1, 2015
Boys, Default, Families, Girls, Insults, Kids, Man's Best Friend, West Village

Boys