Boys

Wednesday One-Liner, Huh! What Is It Good For?

JAP on cell: If more people wore glitter there would no war.

–Therapy Store

Crazy old guy: I want a dog for president. You know why? Dogs don't start wars.

–31St & Ditmars, Astoria

Overheard by: Randi and Patrick

(at an anti-war rally)
Street vendor: Say no to war, say yes to Louis Vuitton!

–Midtown

Overheard by: Oh the irony

50-something guy on cell: You see, we are a military agency, not a government agency. (pause) So when I punched out that Homeland Security guy, I punched out a civilian.

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: Ksenia

Eight-year-old boy: I dare you to fight in the civil war!

–7 Train

Don't Make Me Move You to the Midwest, Son

Cool black guy: I loooooves me some women. Ha, that's why I can't ever be gay, you know? (under breath) I loves me some women…
Young boy with him: I think a gay guy would say the same thing about men.

–E 14th St & 1st Ave

You're Thirty-Five, Sweetheart

Mom: You could have held the door for me, Tommy, that's what a man does.
Tommy: I'm a boy.

–Hallway, Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center

Home Depot Also Sells the Industrial Grade Belt-Driven Kind

Little boy: Do you have 25 cents?
Older sister: What? No… You don’t need a tampon.
Little boy: No, I want a napkin.
Older sister: You don’t need those, either.
Little boy: I want a napkin for my face! [Reads off dispenser] See? Nap-kin.
Older sister: Those aren’t napkins like we use at the table. They’re… um… y’know, ladies’ things, like Mommy uses.
Little boy: Ohhh…

–Ladies’ room, Home Depot, Bed-Stuy

Overheard by: Pippa

Wednesday One-liners by Eve Ensler

Teen boy: You aren’t pussy-whipped. She’s your mother.

–77th between 2nd & 3rd

Overheard by: Carl G

Wasn’t “Open Sesame” the First Login?

Teenage boy #1: It’s gotten to the point that I have like 20 logins. I can’t remember them all!
Teenage boy #2: Yeah, the guy who invented logins must be loaded!

–4 Train

Girls Just Can't Resist Forbidden Fruit

Boy: I'm gay.
Girl: (laughs)
Boy: But what if I was really?
Girl: Then I'd cop a feel.

–All Points West Festival

Overheard by: then I'm gay too

The Supreme Court Adores Distinctions Like That

Girl: Ugh. I hate rude people!
Boy: Umm…you're wearing sunglasses indoors.
Girl: That's not rude, that's pretentious.

–Port Authority

Overheard by: steph

Guess That Explains the Spiked Collar

Six-year-old boy: Can I pet your dog?
Hot girl: Sure, but she’s a little crazy.
Six-year-old boy: Ahhh, so is my sister [points to four-year-old]. Maybe they’re related!
Four-year-old sister: Grrr…

–14th & 7th

Overheard by: dan finnegan

If You Love Wednesday So Much, Why Don’t You One-Liner It?

Woman talking to cute businessman: Oh I totally love, like, water and all that jazz!

–Newark Flight

DJ to crowd: If ya love ya mama put ya put ya mothafuckin hand up the skyyyyy!

–Hammerstein Ballroom

Crazy man in leather pants: Bitches, I seen it all! Bitches, hoes, I done it all… Y’all, who won the Yankees game last night? I said, who won the Yankees game last night?! Can I get a motherfucking answer? [Pause.] Fuck all y’all, fuck all y’all niggas, black, white, fuck all y’all white niggas [Pause.] Bitches, hoes, Cadillacs! I done it all! Fuck all y’all [Pause.] Peace, love, and respect baby for all. I love all y’all.

–A Train

Overheard by: Sam

Girl on cell: …but I have to go now -I’m busy lovin’. I said I’m lovin’. I have to go!

–Outside Butler Library, Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

20-something woman: I need more people in my life who love my knees.

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: McFreaky

Boy: I’m going to have a business card made. Some finance company. Girls love that stuff.

–6 Train

Overheard by: oya

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